Another Diaper-Wearing Astronaut Acting Strangely...

Nick Gillespie | April 22, 2009

"It is now time to put away this embargo of truth about the alien presence," said [79-year-old Apollo 14 crew member Edgar D. Mitchell] the astronaut who made the longest moonwalk in history. "I call upon our government to open up ... and become a part of this planetary community that is now trying to take our proper role as a spacefaring civilization."

Mitchell was speaking at an event convened by Paradigm Research Group, whose leader Stephen Basset warns that if President Obama refuses to declassify all documents related to UFOs,

there's a chance "above 50-50" that the United States could fall victim to another space gap, this time by being beaten by another nation more willing to finally admit "the extraterrestrial presence."

A chance above 50-50? Not exactly a resounding shout-out for hope and change. When the head of a group that really believes in aliens among us is only giving those sorts of iffy odds, I'd say we've got a problem.

More here. More about the PRG conference here.

As someone raised on a steady diet of equal parts Scooby-Doo cartoons and John Keel's great anti-apocalyptic, performance-art-like skepticism (Our Haunted Planet, The Mothman Prophecies), I don't find UFOlogy particularly convincing, though the government's paranoia-inducing actions in all things related to cigar- and saucer-shaped items has doubtless increased the sales of Whitley Streiber books and alien-abduction advocates.

To recall the last time a diaper-wearing space traveler went to the dark side of the moon (figuratively!), go here.

Comments

High Every Body|4.22.09 @ 8:13AM|#

So you are part of the coverup!

This is a slightly shocking revelation.

|4.22.09 @ 8:29AM|#

Would this be more or less convincing if he had revealed the aliens came up and tapped him on the shoulder while he was moon walking?

High Every Body|4.22.09 @ 8:33AM|#

Would this be more or less convincing if he had revealed the aliens came up and tapped him on the shoulder while he was moon walking?

Are we talking about exteraterrestrials or are you inplying there was a landscaping crew on the Moon?

|4.22.09 @ 8:42AM|#

are you inplying there was a landscaping crew on the Moon?

Don't tell LoneWacko, he'll be insisting that we build spaceships in our backyards to protect the moon from immigration problems.

|4.22.09 @ 8:45AM|#

the astronaut who made the longest moonwalk in history

Performed at the 1995 Source Awards if memory serves.

High Every Body|4.22.09 @ 8:46AM|#

Don't tell LoneWacko, he'll be insisting that we build spaceships in our backyards to protect the moon from immigration problems.

CRAP! I forgot about the a-word being like the Bat-signal for him.

Kyle Jordan|4.22.09 @ 8:46AM|#

"Would this be more or less convincing if he had revealed the aliens came up and tapped him on the shoulder while he was moon walking?"

I can just see it now...

He's out there roaming the lunar landscape when suddenly, out the corner of his eye he sees this odd lucking, tall and pale looking humanoid form with a stained tank top and what looks to be a truckers cap holding a device that looks like a shotgun. Then, telepathically, the creature tells him ":in heavy Southern drawl: Git' the Hell off mah land!!!" He then also telepathically hears the rack of a shotgun.

Xeones|4.22.09 @ 8:49AM|#

Boy howdy is the PRG gonna be pissed when they find out about the Black Chamber and CASE NIGHTMARE GREEN. I bet Mitchell doesn't even have a basilisk gun.

|4.22.09 @ 8:50AM|#

Performed at the 1995 Source Awards if memory serves.

:::standing applause

Bob|4.22.09 @ 9:25AM|#

I was impressed like everyone,
When man began to fly,
Out of earthly regions,
To planets in the sky.
With total media coverage,
We watched the heros land,
As ceremoniously
They disturbed the cosmic sand.

In awe with admiration,
We listened to the talk.
Such pride felt they,
Such joy to be
Upon the moon to walk.
My romantic vision shattered,
When it was explained to me,
Spacemen wear old diapers
In which they shit and pee.

Oh, the intergalactic laxative,
Will get you from here to there.
Relieve you and believe me,
Without a worry or care.
If shitting is your problem,
When you're out there in the stars,
Oh, the intergalactic laxative
Will get you from here to Mars.

They don't partake like you and I,
Of beefy burger mush.
Their food is specially prepared
To dissolve into slush.
Absorbed by multi-fibers
In the super diaper suit,
Otherwise the slush would trickle
Down inside the boot.

Oh, the intergalactic laxative,
Will get you from here to there.
Relieve you and believe me,
Without a worry or care.
If shitting is your problem
When you're out there in the stars,
Oh, the intergalactic laxative
Will get you from here to Mars.

You may well ask now what becomes
Of liquid they consume.
A pipe is led from penis head
To a unit in the room.
The water is recirculated,
Filtered for re-use.
In case of anti-gravity -
Pee gets on the loose.

Oh, the intergalactic laxative,
Will get you from here to there.
Relieve you and believe me,
Without a worry or care.
If shitting is your problem
When you're out there in the stars,
Oh, the intergalactic laxative
Will get you from here to Mars.

Wherever man has conquered,
On the quest for frontiers new,
(Da da da da)
I'm glad that he's always had to do
The number one and two.
It makes it all so ordinary,
Just like you and me,
To know the greatest heroes,
They had to shit and pee.

The intergalactic laxative
Will get you from here to there,
For cosmic constipation
There's none that can compare.
If shitting is your problem
When you're out there in the stars,
Oh, the intergalactic laxative,
The intergalactic laxative,
The intergalactic laxative,
Will get you from here to Mars.

High Every Body|4.22.09 @ 9:33AM|#

BOB! Stop that.

Nick Gillespie|4.22.09 @ 10:12AM|#

I'm with High Every Body on stopping that, Bob, but I am glad to learn that there at least two of us who have suffered Donovan's (yes, that Donovan, the Hurdy-Gurdy Sunshine Superman Who Wore His Love Like Heaven While Trying to Catch The Wind) horrible tale of zero-gravity and zero-control, "The Intergalactic Laxative," now playing right here, right now.

|4.22.09 @ 10:15AM|#

now playing right here, right now.

Are you watching the world wake up from history, Nick?

Also, it's fun to get people to actually listen the lyrics for "Sunshine Superman" and watch it dawn on them that it's a deeply creepy song about stalking.

robc|4.22.09 @ 10:16AM|#

Goo Goo Barabajagal

|4.22.09 @ 11:04AM|#

186,000 miles per second. It's not just a good idea, it's the law."- seen on many a T-shirt at Science Fiction conventions

I'm still waiting for the ET-lovers to find the loophole.

Kevin

Bronwyn|4.22.09 @ 11:05AM|#

"The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us." - Bill Watterson

Or you can take Bill Bryson's approach:
"We may be only one of millions of advanced civilizations. Unfortunately, space being spacious, the average distance between any two of these civilizations is reckoned to be at least two hundred light-years, which is a great deal more than merely saying it makes it sound. It means for a start that even if these beings know we are here and are somehow able to see us in their telescopes, they're watching light that left the Earth two hundred years ago. So they're not seeing you and me. They're watching the French Revolutions and Thomas Jefferson and people in silk stockings and powdered wigs. (....) So even if we are not really alone, in all practical terms we are."

Bronwyn|4.22.09 @ 11:06AM|#

Also, we'd make great pets.

|4.22.09 @ 11:16AM|#

Or you can take Bill Bryson's approach

I prefer the proposed solution to the Fermi Paradox that builds on the assumption that tool-using, technological civilizations will compete genocidally for the limited resources of habitable planets.

JB|4.22.09 @ 12:27PM|#

A number of astronauts have claimed to have seen very odd things in space. It's surprising how many have made claims like this.

Art-P.O.G.|4.22.09 @ 1:04PM|#

A number of astronauts have claimed to have seen very odd things in space. It's surprising how many have made claims like this.

It has to be somewhat disorienting out there...outer space, I mean. I'm not saying that explains everything, but space would send shivers down my spine.

Jennifer|4.22.09 @ 1:58PM|#

Since the topic of astronaut diapers and space laxatives has already been raised, I figure this is a good time (or at least a not-too-bad time) to ask: does the lack of gravity in outer space cause problems with the body's excretory functions? Seriously: pooping seems to involve some muscle use to push the crap (literally) out of your intestines, but urination seems to be a simple matter of loosening the sphincter and letting liquid flow downhill, so to speak. Are astronauts prone to kidney problems due to -- uh -- backlogs? And what about female astronauts during their time of the month?

Dello|4.22.09 @ 2:14PM|#

I believe there are aliens, because I refuse to believe that in all the vastness of the universe, humans are as good as it gets.

ChrisO|4.22.09 @ 2:39PM|#

The fatal flaw for UFO conspiracists is their assumption that there is a federal agency that is (a) fully competent and (b) able to keep a secret.

Dr. Anonymous|4.22.09 @ 2:40PM|#

Diagnosis: radiation-scrambled brains.

tarran|4.22.09 @ 2:51PM|#

Jennifer

Actually, urination is not driven by gravity. The bladder squeezes urine out like a balloon. For gravity to be the motive force, you'd have to replace the volume of urine with air or something.

The big problem has to do with burping actually. You can't burp in zero g. Which means that gasses that get into your stomach tend to go into the intestines and progress out the other end. The result is very odoriferous.

On one of the Apollo missions, the fuel cells put excessive H22 into the mix, meaning that there was lots of H2 dissolved in the astronauts' drinking water. Te CM pilot commented that everyone was very flatulent and that the capsule was very fragrant.

Kreel Sarloo|4.22.09 @ 3:33PM|#

Good thing they didn't allow smoking on those Apollo missions.

Which reminds me, I always wondered about all those cigar smoking space jockeys in early Heinlein stuf. I always though that no matter how advanced space travel became oxygen would still be kind of precious that you would really want as lot of burning stuff consuming it. Seems to me that even the most advanced scrubbers would have enough trouble with anything beyond regular respiration.

Goes for Vaulcan and Klingon ceremonies with candles on Star Trek, too. Of course, by Star trek times everyone is so PC that there's never a problem with any one smoking on a Federation Starship.

Victor|4.22.09 @ 3:42PM|#

So by "reason" you mean "name-calling."

Thanks for reminding us that way too many self-proclaimed "skeptics" and "rationalists" are neither skeptical (where the Official Explanation is concerned, anyway) nor rational.

None of which is to say yes or no concerning Mitchell's contentions (there's a naively wishful disclaimer!) It's simply: why would people who practice rationality not assume that, if you had facts or reasoned arguments, you'd trot them out instead of the "diaper-wearing astronaut" slur?

High Every Body|4.22.09 @ 3:43PM|#

Which reminds me, I always wondered about all those cigar smoking space jockeys in early Heinlein stuf. I always though that no matter how advanced space travel became oxygen would still be kind of precious that you would really want as lot of burning stuff consuming it. Seems to me that even the most advanced scrubbers would have enough trouble with anything beyond regular respiration.

I think an Azimov book mentioned this. It was cigarette smoking. With the volume of the air (not pure oxygen) in the ship, the part used for cigarette combustion got lost in the rounding. They were not in little tiny capsules any more. Water was the biggie in that fiction.

|4.22.09 @ 3:55PM|#

I think an Azimov book mentioned this. It was cigarette smoking. With the volume of the air (not pure oxygen) in the ship, the part used for cigarette combustion got lost in the rounding. They were not in little tiny capsules any more. Water was the biggie in that fiction.

It's an easy fix. One line of dialogue. 'Thank God we invented the...you know, whatever device.'

High Every Body|4.22.09 @ 3:59PM|#

mediageek,

Stop spoiling my SciFi! All of it is going to happen. ALL OF IT!

|4.23.09 @ 12:51AM|#

Dood, if you haven't yet seen "Thank You For Smoking" stop whatever you're doing, and go rent/buy/netflix it.

Kreel Sarloo|4.23.09 @ 11:20AM|#

HEB

It was me harshing your SciFi buzz, I think.

mg just explained how to get around my occasional inablity to suspend disbelief.

He's absolutely right, too. When you read almost any scifi, you simply have to tell yourself "in this world and in this time this is possible/people are really like this/this device that defies all the known laws of physics actually works".

After all, the operable word in scifi is fiction.

And as my nom de net ought to tell you I am a huge fan.

|4.23.09 @ 12:24PM|#

He's absolutely right, too. When you read almost any scifi, you simply have to tell yourself "in this world and in this time this is possible/people are really like this/this device that defies all the known laws of physics actually works".

I once read an essay where the central thesis was "good sci-fi only requires you to swallow one ridiculous idea, and then builds on that."

So, for instance, Star Trek works because once you're able to accept the conceit of warp drive, it seems pretty logical that you could go anywhere in the universe and have encounters with strange new societies.

On the other hand, bad sci-fi will ask you to swallow more than one conceit- say warp drive and Atlantis and cavemen co-existing with dinosaurs, etc.