Zombie Corporations Love to Eat Maaaaaaarkets!

Katherine Mangu-Ward | January 8, 2009

Occasional Reason contributor Todd Seavey finds some rhetorical silver lining in the bailout cloud:

On the bright side, rhetorically, I have to love the fact that the term “zombies” has been used in recent months for propped-up, government-subsidized, bailed-out firms that aren’t really functional. Clearly, this highly pejorative term was not focus-grouped by government spin teams. It’s simply too accurate—and well-timed, since this is a month of the undead at the cinema (witness the abominable and David Goyer-discrediting The Unborn, as well as the vampire movies Let the Right One In, Twilight, and Underworld: Rise of the Lycans, this last being the story of an actress named Kate Beckinsale being replaced by an eerie duplicate named Rhona Mitra — and in the more distant future lies the apocalyptic all-out zombie armageddon film World War Z, from the director of Quantum of Solace and the writer of Babylon 5 and The Changeling).

I wonder, though — to touch on a major controversy among horror nerds — will these “zombies” be the fast-moving kind or the slow-moving kind? I suspect they will start out fast and get slower and slower, and stupider and stupider.

Seavey is celebrating a Month of Liberty (i.e. Property) on his blog, as a way to recover from his Month of Feminism in December. Head over and enjoy the archives.

More Reason on zombies here.

Comments

|1.8.09 @ 6:06PM|#

Seavey is celebrating a Month of Liberty (i.e. Property) on his blog, as a way to recover from his Month of Feminism in December.


I didn't know that feminism was anathema to liberty.

Naga Sadow|1.8.09 @ 6:11PM|#

KMW,

Thank you for the link to WWZ. I've been hearing that they were gonna make a movie out of it but wasn't gonna hold my breath waiting for it to come out.

Naga Sadow|1.8.09 @ 6:12PM|#

smacky,

It depends on the enviroment. Read some of Femisting's articles and comments.

Pac|1.8.09 @ 6:15PM|#

I'm expecting the zombies any day now. I'd stay away from Papa new Guinea if i were you.

Kolohe|1.8.09 @ 6:18PM|#

this last being the story of an actress named Kate Beckinsale being replaced by an eerie duplicate named Rhona Mitra

Good. It's hard to believe that even in clad in a catsuit and/or birthday suit, the second movie was so execrable as to leave me with a negative impression of Ms. Beckinsdale. (Although I have since forgiven her. Kate, feel free to call me if you want to hang out)

|1.8.09 @ 6:21PM|#

That picture is amazingly creepy.

Nice job.

Paul|1.8.09 @ 6:47PM|#

I suspect they will start out fast and get slower and slower, and stupider and stupider.

Seavey blew it while on a good cinematically themed run. Let me correct:

I suspect they will start out fast and get slower and slower, and stupid and stupiderer.

Paul|1.8.09 @ 6:48PM|#

I didn't know that feminism was anathema to liberty.

Only certain brands.

the innominate one|1.8.09 @ 6:53PM|#

Both Rhona and Kate are welcome to hang with me, either singly or together. I won't judge you by the movies you've been in, ladies. I assure you, I haven't seen them.

Naga Sadow|1.8.09 @ 7:07PM|#

Hey! Over at this site they calculate your chances of surviving a zombie outbreak. SWEET!

Oh and . . . what the innominate one said.

Naga Sadow|1.8.09 @ 7:13PM|#

Hmmmmm . . . not so cool anymore. Apparently I have only a 28% survival chance.

Tsu Dho Nihm|1.8.09 @ 7:18PM|#

BTW, Let the Right One In is an excellent flick. I highly recommend it.

Naga Sadow|1.8.09 @ 7:23PM|#

I don't know. Swedish subtitles? Having been screwed over by the Swedes and their cheap worthless furniture sets before I'm reluctant to try one of their movies.

cunnivore|1.8.09 @ 7:32PM|#

I didn't know that feminism was anathema to liberty.

Absolute dictatorship can theoretically coexist with liberty too -- it just never seems to work that way in practice. Ditto for feminism.

|1.8.09 @ 7:41PM|#

Fuck - only 32% survival chance.

Need to buy more ammo.

Tsu Dho NIhm|1.8.09 @ 7:53PM|#

Yeah, it's worth it even with the subtitles. This flick is not IKEA.

I saw it at one of the HorrorHound fests the past fall. I don't think anyone who watched it was disappointed.

Naga Sadow|1.8.09 @ 8:04PM|#

Blue,

If I recall the survival guide correctly, you're gonna want a motorcycle or dirtbike.

Xeones|1.8.09 @ 8:05PM|#

49% chance of survival? I'll take that.

Naga Sadow|1.8.09 @ 8:06PM|#

Sorry buddy but I live life in the fast lane. I got no time to be reading subtitles AND watching a movie. It's an either/or type sitution.

Paul|1.8.09 @ 8:07PM|#

I assure you, I haven't seen them.

We all think we have good taste and a sense of humour, but we can't all have good taste and a sense of humour.

Naga Sadow|1.8.09 @ 8:07PM|#

Xeones,

49%? Holy shit! You must be some sorta zombie ass kicking mofo! Do you have a dojo in your basement where you do nothing but train?

Xeones|1.8.09 @ 8:07PM|#

Naga,

The guide says a good ol' bicycle is even better. It's quiet, doesn't require gas, and when it can't carry you, you can carry it.

Also, head for the snowline. Zombies freeze in the winter.

Xeones|1.8.09 @ 8:09PM|#

Alas, i may have cheated. Apparently the busted-ass whitewater kayak i found in the shed when we bought the house counts as an "ocean-going vessel."

Naga Sadow|1.8.09 @ 8:17PM|#

Xeones,

Hmmmmmmm . . . my roommate has a 12 foot skiff. I never thought of it as ocean going but I'll give a try. 28% is just embarrasing.

BakedPenguin|1.8.09 @ 8:19PM|#

Naga - then perhaps you'd like a Norwegian film.

Worth viewing, even if you've seen the Nolan remake.

Naga Sadow|1.8.09 @ 8:21PM|#

Damn. Adding the boat raises my ability to survie to 34%. I should build a wall.

Naga Sadow|1.8.09 @ 8:23PM|#

BakedPenguin,

Will there be tall, gorgeous, Nordic women?

BakedPenguin|1.8.09 @ 8:30PM|#

One or two. If that's your only reason to view the film, though, don't. You'd be disappointed. (IIRC, no nudity).

If you can deal with a dark, moody story told with some style (and can deal w/ subtitles), it's worth it.

Naga Sadow|1.8.09 @ 8:35PM|#

Alright then. You've talked me into it. I've been put on notice by the new/old girlfriend that my amazing ability to pick bad movies could cause problems. Don't screw me over.

BakedPenguin|1.8.09 @ 8:50PM|#

If you want to play it safe, get the Nolan remake (it'll be easier, too, unless you have Netflix). Robin Williams, Robert DeNiro.

But what's "bad" to her? Foreign, arty films? Comic books movies? Orson Welles? Uwe Boll?

Naga Sadow|1.8.09 @ 8:57PM|#

BakedPenguin,

She usually watches cheesy love movies. For example, I was forced to watch "Love actually" during Christmas. I was not pleased. God bless her for sluming movies with her. I got her to watch "Twilight" and she loved it. I thought it sucked but hey, what am I gonna do?

Elemenope|1.8.09 @ 9:05PM|#

Both Rhona and Kate are welcome to hang with me, either singly or together. I won't judge you by the movies you've been in, ladies. I assure you, I haven't seen them.

Rhona did have a decent stint on Boston Legal.

Elemenope|1.8.09 @ 9:06PM|#

I was forced to watch "Love actually" during Christmas. I was not pleased.

You didn't like Love, Actually? There are precious few "chick flicks" I would hazard to call good, but that's one of them.

BakedPenguin|1.8.09 @ 9:11PM|#

NS - The last GF I had was into those as well, along with the weepy Lifetime dramas. I made that last part really work for me, as I like Japanese directors Ozu, who made a bunch of films about families breaking up, and Mizoguchi, who produced a lot of films about women sacrificing everything they had for their families. For the love stories, I went with Traffaut, Chabrol, and a few other French directors.

Of course, if you don't like foreign art house, this helps you not at all.

Naga Sadow|1.8.09 @ 9:24PM|#

Perhaps one day I will be as cultured as you sir! But for now my knowledge of foreign films is miniscule.

Naga Sadow|1.8.09 @ 9:28PM|#

Elemenope,

Some of us crave horror/action films. Personally, I feel that watching all such films only increases my life expectancy. As I am better able to judge bad situations and turn the paranoia on FULL RETARD. I'm a bartender so maybe that's why I can't stand hum-drum movies.

|1.8.09 @ 9:33PM|#

Naga Sadow,

Go watch Das Boot. The long version. Then cultured you shall be, yes.

Elemenope|1.8.09 @ 9:33PM|#

Some of us crave horror/action films.

Personally I'm a black/surreal comedy junkie. In the event of the Apocalypse, it serves to have some witty one-liners lined up.

Naga Sadow|1.8.09 @ 9:40PM|#

Pro Liberate,

I have watched it. Teh AWESome. Personally, "Brotherhood of the Wolf" is about as "far out there" as I go.

Elemenope,

Too true. One liners are important in the event of the Apocalypse. But so is an armored up V-8 Interceptor as well as a cool but vicious dog.

|1.8.09 @ 9:41PM|#

"Are they slow-moving, chief?"
"Yeah, they're dead. They're all messed up."

|1.8.09 @ 9:53PM|#

Well, then, there are those Leone films.

Naga Sadow|1.8.09 @ 10:03PM|#

"We're coming to get you, Barbara!"

Elemenope|1.8.09 @ 10:16PM|#

I have watched it. Teh AWESome. Personally, "Brotherhood of the Wolf" is about as "far out there" as I go.

If you want wacky foreign film, I'd recommend anything by Olivier Assayas, e.g. Boarding Gate or Demonlover. A lot of people don't like his stuff, but I find it refreshing. Interesting point: his films usually take place with characters speaking several different languages (though bare majority English), and there are *no subtitles*. What's neat about it is the effect of having to pay attention to subtler emotional cues to figure out what's going on at points, rather than the text (unless you happen to speak French, Japanese, and Italian). It's definitely more demanding from the actors.

Lesbian Until Graduation|1.8.09 @ 10:26PM|#

"I didn't know that feminism was anathema to liberty."
It CAN be but it does not have to be. Some feminists forget the choice part or think it only has to do with abortion.

alan|1.9.09 @ 12:39AM|#

"I've come to kick ass, and chew gum, and I'm all -- wait, found a stick. I'm good'.

|1.9.09 @ 10:04AM|#

It's simply too accurate-and well-timed

Yeah, how did they let that slip through? Probably because they're focusing all their attention on keeping "junkie economy" out of circulation.