Ronald Bailey | June 9, 2008
Answer this delightful online kids quiz from the Australian Broadcast Corporation to find out at what age you should "die" for emitting more than your share of greenhouse gases.

Direct your children here to play.
Disclosure: For the sake of the planet, I was evidently supposed to be dead by age 15 months.
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I should die at age 3.2... I was hoping it would award me the "Planet Slayer" title; that would be soooo cool....
Darth Aresen,
Just use your Sith powers to make the sun go super nova. Saves on
Death Star fuel.
"Planet Slayer" should be a heavy metal themed theme park or novelty restaurant.
WTF? They don't count "nuclear" as a renewable source of
home power?
Well, because it isn't, in any reasonable sense of the word
"renewable".
Unless you are privy to a physics-busting super secret way to make
more Uranium. In that case we're all fucking ears.
Elemenope, don't we have a ridiculous amount of uranium to the
point where it is essentially renewable, if not literally?
I mean, the sun is going to run out eventually, too, but no one
says solar isn't renewable.
This is pointless. The benevalent space aliens will provide us with clean, renewable energy any day now. I heard from a guy who knew a guy that had a tape with Bush negotiating with the space aliens.
I'm at 4.3 years.
What I don't get is question #10. I was just a bit over average
until I got to the money question, which sent me up way high. How
the hell does spending money pollute?
I can't even fart anymore without someone calling me a CO2 Pig.
This sucks...
Meanwhile, MASA scientists report global warming and increasing
CO2 levels are good for the Earth:
http://www.financialpost.com/story.html?id=569586
The results surprised Steven Running of the University of
Montana and Ramakrishna Nemani of NASA, scientists involved in
analyzing the NASA data. They found that over a period of almost
two decades, the Earth as a whole became more bountiful by a
whopping 6.2%. About 25% of the Earth's vegetated landmass - almost
110 million square kilometres - enjoyed significant increases and
only 7% showed significant declines. When the satellite data zooms
in, it finds that each square metre of land, on average, now
produces almost 500 grams of greenery per year.
Why the increase? Their 2004 study, and other more recent ones,
point to the warming of the planet and the presence of CO2, a gas
indispensable to plant life. CO2 is nature's fertilizer, bathing
the biota with its life-giving nutrients. Plants take the carbon
from CO2 to bulk themselves up - carbon is the building block of
life - and release the oxygen, which along with the plants, then
sustain animal life. As summarized in a report last month, released
along with a petition signed by 32,000 U. S. scientists who vouched
for the benefits of CO2: "Higher CO2 enables plants to grow faster
and larger and to live in drier climates. Plants provide food for
animals, which are thereby also enhanced. The extent and diversity
of plant and animal life have both increased substantially during
the past half-century."
That sound you hear is James Hansen driving a bulldozer into
Ramakrishna Nemani's office.
Uh, Nuclear is better than renewable.
Ever heard of a "breeder reactor'??
I have one in my sock drawer.
Unless you are privy to a physics-busting super secret way
to make more Uranium. In that case we're all fucking
ears.
Sure! You just have to have a super-heavy star go through all its
hydroge, helium, carbon, etc. Then you have to get said star to
blow up, and then just go get all the nice new uranium.
If there's a sudden epidemic of grade school suicides in Australia, I know why.
According to the calculator, if I walked or biked everywhere, shared a small apartment with four people, never use a car, never fly, spend under $10,000 a year, and make sure whatever electricity I do use comes from solar wind or hydro, I could live forever...in poverty!
"Planet Slayer" should be a heavy metal themed theme park or
novelty restaurant.
Thank you waiter, I'll have the BBQ chicken with South of Hades hot
sauce, and the steak Reign in Blood rare.
err - s/hydroge/hydrogen/
For the record, they should be coming to kill me at age 3.5.
Meanwhile, I would like to encourage the ABC to go and fuck
themselves with something uncomfortable.
BTW, the magic number is 2.3 tonnes of CO2. At that number, you're free to live forever! At 2.4, they shoot you at 96.2 years old.
"A sudden epidemic of grade school suicides."
If the Web site is to be believed, that really would be the best
ending possible.
Or maybe all the Aussie kids should raft over to work in Indonesian
sweatshops. That would be a less radical way to drastically reduce
their carbon footprint (while ensuring the rest of us a steady
supply of cheap Nikes).
Taktix,
According to Professor Whazzisname from the site,
every Aussie Dollar you spend generates 1.6kg of CO2 somewhere in
the product's supply chain, and that accounts for 80% of your
personal CO2 emissions. What this means is, Aussies should be
purchasing cheaper, less efficient cars to save the planet.
Lucky for me, I use greenbacks so I don't have to worry about
it.
I should have died at 2.3 years of age. Of course, I live in an
area that has a high standard of living. Not that I expect the
"scientists" behind this farce to understand this.
Oh and nevermind the double counting of stuff.
Is this a fucking joke? That pig exploded! Messily! They want
kids to take this thing?
BTW, I should have died @ 25.1 yrs. Neener Neener. The test seems
to like it when you live off-grid and recycle.
Gonna go retroactively kill myself now, bye. Guess I shouldn't have
told them about the car.
I have a feeling if we discovered cold fusion tomorrow, they'd find a way to make it non-"green".
According to the calculator, if I walked or biked
everywhere, shared a small apartment with four people, never use a
car, never fly, spend under $10,000 a year, and make sure whatever
electricity I do use comes from solar wind or hydro, I could live
forever...in poverty!
Except the catch is that if everyone did this there'd be no such
thing as solar, wind or hydro electricity
There's nothing "anti-human" about telling little kids they
should have died in infancy, nothing at all.
Anyone watch this
little PBS porno? If Greens had the courage of their
convictions they fucking kill themselves. Instead they hang around
like a fart in an elevator, people who find no joy in life
desperate to make sure you don't as well.
"Planet Slayer" should be a heavy metal themed theme park or
novelty restaurant.
Or a chain of restaurants owned by Jeff Hanneman and Kerry
King.
I took it again out of morbid curiosity and gave all the "right" answers. The key to eternal life, it seems, is those "ethical investments." The earth loves ethical investments.
Kwix,
Sorry, I must have forgotten to ask the McGruff wannabe what the
"science" was.
Isn't it funny that propagandists use round numbers when they
makeup their bullshit statistics? Exactly 80%, huh?
Science my ass...
I scored 3.6.If it would have included my wood stove and cigars I'm sure it would be in the minus bracket.
Anyone watch this little PBS porno?
It was on the history channel, and I think the idea was to
emphasize just how much we maintain our society on a day to day
basis, and how quickly it would vanish. Neat visuals too.
A lot of people seemed to take that show as a fantasy about wiping
out people, but I didn't see it that way...
Missing Question:
"Are you a serial killer?"
Subtract the carbon footprint of the average person multiplied by
the number of people you bumped off.
"Save the planet. Start a thermonuclear war!"
What got me is that it says I should have died at 8. Um, excuse
me, but at age 8 I would have scored *much* greener on your little
test. (Mostly walking, more people in the house, solar power, not
much meat, etc.) I only started using "more than my share" of
resources (as best I can figure by their questions) about 10 years
ago.
Did they factor THAT in to your calculations? Even with a "well,
sure, but you've used more than your share for the last decade",
what's their magic year/age for me now?
And seriously, how did they decide what was "fair" or
appropriate?
I took it again out of morbid curiosity and gave all the
"right" answers. The key to eternal life, it seems, is those
"ethical investments." The earth loves ethical
investments.
Yeah, I can counteract the extra 60 or so tons I get from my
spending by spending it ethically. As if that's gonna happen. I
used up my share of the planet at age 3.1 apparently. So I've used
up more than 10 times my share by now. 10 of you will have to forgo
your share of the planet. Off to Mars with you, deadbeats!
How come my share never has any raisins?
I always get the crappy share!
Did anyone else go poking around the rest of the site and check out "This is your Lifestyle?" It was affectionately subtitled "see how much you suck"
Except the catch is that if everyone did this there'd be no
such thing as solar, wind or hydro electricity
Just remember, there was no anthropomorphic warming during the rise
of hunter gatherer societies. That's thus clearly the optimal state
for humanity.
What a crock of excrement. I live a goddam low energy lifestyle and I only made to age 9. Retards wrote this program.
I should have been dead at 18 months! Awesome.
Anybody care to explain why the test says that taking a taxi is
greener than taking the bus or train, which is greener than walking
or biking (!?)
More than my fair share? My fair share is whatever I can afford. Period!!!
Did anyone else go poking around the rest of the site and
check out "This is your Lifestyle?" It was affectionately subtitled
"see how much you suck"
Oh man that's awesome. Did you see the part where the hot blonde
says "Silly Greena, sweatshops are just gyms for the poor!".
Awesome.
Taktix®,
But it was made to capitalize on the success of
The World Without Us which the author admits started
out as an environmentalist daydream, so reading a bit of that into
it is not a crazy notion.
Good catch on History Channel though, it just seemed like
PBS...
A rehash of what Lomborg calls "the litany". The "you should be dead before you were potty trained" aspect is beyond stupid.
Renewable energy makes no sense at all.
Basically we are to sacrifice the use of a scarce resource for a
non scarce resource because we might run out of the scarce
one.
This is nonsense because if the renewable one does exist we could
just burn the scarce one first and then the renewable one.
But instead of doing that utility maximization we are instead
supposed to set aside the scarce resource, don hair shirts, and
flog ourselves for the rest of time for even thinking of taking
utility from scarcity.
And your #$%#$ life is nonrenewable. Someday your body will run out
of whatever it runs on and you will die and everything you are and
have done on this earth will be nothing.
So use it while you have it.
Y' know, a whole buch of Muslims are going to be offended
because of the whole pig thingee/analogy used here. The Australian
Broadcast Corporation better start battening down the hatches for
the approaching Islamic shitstorm.
;-)
Apologies, one more thing:
The sun is not renewable because the sun will die.
Hydroelectric is not renewable because all the water will disappear
when the sun dies.
Wind is not renewable because the earth will be destroyed and there
will be no more surface to blow on.
I especially like the "Spending money is bad, er unless you're, you know, giving it to us, because that's the bestest thing anyone could ever do."
Y' know, a whole buch of Muslims are going to be offended
because of the whole pig thingee/analogy used here. The Australian
Broadcast Corporation better start battening down the hatches for
the approaching Islamic shitstorm.
Yeah, I don't imagine PETA would approve of the public execution of
a pig either.
Paulidan,
"Renewable energy" is horseshit. There's no such thing. The second
law of thermal dynamics forbids it. If energy could be "renewed"
practically all we know about the laws of nature would have to be
abandoned.
Meanwhile, I would like to encourage the ABC to go and fuck
themselves with something uncomfortable.
I'd like to suggest the exhaust pipe of a running 18 wheeler.
Either that, or if they'd like to eliminate their own carbon
emissions, they can use a lit stick of TNT as a dildo.
Jesus, I made it to 23.5.
I answered honestly. I throw my newspapers away. I toss my aluminum
cans. I drive to the 7-11 two blocks away. I toss cigarette butts
out the window. I kick bunnies. I rape goats. I use 50 squares of
asswipe per sitting. I have a Sting voodoo doll that I torture with
a Bic.
What the fuck?
"Renewable energy" is horseshit. There's no such thing. The
second law of thermal dynamics forbids it.
What are your preferred labels for differentiating between usage of
old carbon stores vs. everything else? I think "Renewable energy"
captures this differentiation nicely.
Jamie Kelly,
I'm about the same way. My pig only got close to exploding when I
answered the "spending" question.
Elemenope, don't we have a ridiculous amount of uranium to the point where it is essentially renewable, if not literally?
Not really. Without breeder reactors, our uranium reserves are only
good for 17,000 EJ of energy (compared to 290,000 EJ of coal,
18,000 EJ of oil, and 16,000 EJ of natural gas). Breeder reactors
bring that up to 1,000,000 EJ, though.
Assuming a person in a developed country uses ~10 kW of power (US
usage is ~11 kW), the world would need ~5 EJ a day if everyone were
living at US standards of living using present technology.
Proven uranium reserves would only be good for about a
year at present usage; likely reserves would last ~10 years. Using
breeder reactors and fuel reprocessing brings that up to ~550
years, essentially renewable. But given that there are
only two breeder reactors operating at present, you can't really
describe nuclear power as renewable just yet.
As a side note, fusion reserves are ~18 billion EJ for Li-D fusion,
or around 1,000 trillion EJ for D-D fusion. :-)
there will be no more surface to blow on.
hehehehehehehehehe... hehehe ...
/butthead laugh
You need to make and spend more money.
Apparently Gaia only loves you if you're dirt poor, naked, and
foraging for food in bushes.
So appaprently if you pay a higher rent because you live in an area where you can walk/bike to work instead of having to use your car, you should die sooner.
What are your preferred labels for differentiating between
usage of old carbon stores vs. everything else?
If you want to talk about CO2 then talk about CO2, pretending that
there's a difference between the CO2 released from burning oil and
the CO2 released from burning food is bullshit.
"Renewable" is a humbug word.
If you want to talk about CO2 then talk about CO2, pretending that there's a difference between the CO2 released from burning oil and the CO2 released from burning food is bullshit.
Wrong. CO2 released from burning food is balanced out by CO2 taken
back up in the spring when new food is grown. CO2 released from
burning of fossil fuels has no such short-term balance.
I should have died at 3.4 years - mostly (it seems) because of
the spending thing as well.
Another child-indoctrination/scare tactic that I have to keep an
eye out for...
The earth loves ethical investments.
So does Al Gore. He's a big investor in lots of these green
companies that will go bankrupt if global warming doesn't pan out
as a political issue.
It's nice to know making sure Al can maintain several mansion and
fly in a private jet is the priority here.
I really wish Iwe could post pictures on this blog. GOD
LISTENS...to Slayer!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/theremina/200692550/
Without breeder reactors, our uranium reserves are only good
for 17,000 EJ of energy (compared to 290,000 EJ of coal, 18,000 EJ
of oil, and 16,000 EJ of natural gas). Breeder reactors bring that
up to 1,000,000 EJ, though.
Don't forget thorium! Lots more energy there.
There is probably more energy available for use from thorium in
the minerals of the earth's crust than from both uranium and fossil
fuels
http://periodic.lanl.gov/elements/90.html
And it tends to be found in liberal democracies.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thorium
I could live forever...in poverty!
That is the point -- that you must live in abject poverty in order
to be "Green".
Environmentalism is an ascetic religion, do not forget that - it
asks people to make vows of poverty, chastity (to control
population, of course) and to make "good works", like recycling,
using like zero resources, eating only vegetables that do not
scream in pain, wear organic clothes, et cetera.
What? You did not think it is a religion?
As a side note, fusion reserves are ~18 billion EJ for Li-D
fusion, or around 1,000 trillion EJ for D-D fusion. :-)
p-B11 (proton - boron-11) fusion is where it's at. No neutrons, and
you can run the three alphas it produces into a plate and generate
DC current directly without a thermal cycle! That could cut energy
costs by 90%.
Bussard's Polywell fusion design looks to be the most promising
route to p-b11 at this point.
http://www.talk-polywell.org/bb/index.php
CO2 released from burning food is balanced out by CO2 taken
back up in the spring when new food is grown. CO2 released from
burning of fossil fuels has no such short-term balance.
For this to be true, you have to believe the burning a gallon of
oil paves over an acre of land preventing it from "taking back" the
CO2.
Green dogma is complete horseshit. Any grade schooler should be
able to spot the fallacies. Yet most of their crap is swallowed
whole
It's enough to drive one to drink. Now that is a perfectly
legitimate use for alcohol.
For this to be true, you have to believe the burning a
gallon of oil paves over an acre of land preventing it from "taking
back" the CO2.
I think the argument is more that the carbon in food/biofuels comes
from carbon recently pulled out of the air, while the carbon from
oil was buried millions of years ago.
Elemenope, don't we have a ridiculous amount of uranium to
the point where it is essentially renewable, if not
literally?
Consider that a natural nuclear reaction produced 100 kW of power
for hundreds of thousands of years and the ratio of fissionable
uranium235 to unranium238 dropped by less than half. This occurred
in one uranium deposit in Gabon. So, at least 4 terawatt hours
(14.4 exajoules) from one uranium deposit and that's only counting
the raw uranium235.
For this to be true, you have to believe the burning a gallon of oil paves over an acre of land preventing it from "taking back" the CO2.
Um, no.
I think the argument is more that the carbon in
food/biofuels comes from carbon recently pulled out of the air,
while the carbon from oil was buried millions of years
ago.
I thought the argument was that the carbon in food/biofuels is
pulled back out of the air to create more food/biofuels, and carbon
burned from oil does not go right back into the ground to become
more oil. When you create new carbon sources, it doesn't matter if
they get consumed by plants, because those plants would otherwise
be absorbing carbon from other dead plants. There's a net increase
that you don't see with food and biofuels.
I thought the argument was that the carbon in food/biofuels is pulled back out of the air to create more food/biofuels, and carbon burned from oil does not go right back into the ground to become more oil. When you create new carbon sources, it doesn't matter if they get consumed by plants, because those plants would otherwise be absorbing carbon from other dead plants. There's a net increase that you don't see with food and biofuels.
Yeah, that's what I was saying.
14.4 exajoules is about 360 gigaliters (95.1 billion gallons or 3 billion barrels) of oil.
There was a recent Wired article arguing that we should be landfilling old growth trees in order to efficiently sequester carbon. I'm skeptical, but it was an interesting argument involving the amount of carbon that a tree consumes at different stages of its life.
Looks like they missed their chance to execute me at 4.6 years old. Now nothing can stop me from killing Gaia! Hahahahaha!
Wow, I am allowed to live until I am 28,5.
3 more years to go.
Fuck, I must be really poor!
2.3 years. What's that? About 7% of Logan's Run?
What I love is that I was so-so until I got to the spending part.
The pig inlfated like the Hunderberg and then KA-BLAM!!
Who run Bartertown?
2.3 years. What's that? About 7% of Logan's Run?
10.95% of the book, 7.66% of the movie
I got stuck on question 10 - "How much money do you spend all up
each year?"
What the hell does that mean? How much do I spend? And don't tell
me that average Aussie only spends $10,000 a year. I put my figure
in and the pig almost blew up.
Stupid.
Mine said I should have been aborted in the first
trimester.
Oops, no I misread that. It said my grandparents should
have beeb aborted in their first trimester.
I have a feeling if we discovered cold fusion tomorrow,
they'd find a way to make it non-"green".
We passed an initiative in Washington state to make Hydro
non-"green". The PUDs now have to make a certain amount of
electricity using either solar or wind to complement our
non-"green" hyrdo power.
Seriously at least 51% of the voters in my state are fucked in the
head.
This is almost too rich for words. We (humanity) are pigs. I was
sent to the slaughterhouse by our sloganized tee-shirt wearers at
age 3.5.
I like how they assume that 'organic' food is better for the
environment.
It's stunning how fast we went from
this to
this.
Prices of biodiesel have almost doubled to about $6 per gallon, and many experts blame biofuel production for driving up food prices worldwide. Prominent scientists have questioned whether growing crops for biofuels produces more greenhouse gases than it prevents.
Now Metro Transit, the region's largest consumer of biodiesel, is "taking an indefinite pause" in buying the renewable fuel, said general manager Kevin Desmond.
"We're taking a hard look at it in terms of both its price and the science," he said.
Stupida fucking game.
Best> Sopranos. Line. Ever.
Thank you, this thread finally came to fruition.
I lied to the tune of 'greener than i really am'
I still died at three.
Anyone notice that the #1 'indicator' of anti-green-ness was how
much money you spent overall? I has a skinny pig until i put in my
expenditures (i live in NYC! Christ, my rent makes me a planet
slayer alone! My bar tab makes me Gozar the Destroyer.)
Based on that bullshit site, they should have plugged me at 3.3
years of age. The irony of it is that I don't really live an
"extravagant" lifestyle. At least I am still doing my part to fuck
up the world though.
Speaking of "helping" the world, it is really too bad my gas grill
died. I would love to toss an oversized steak on the grill while
not thinking about the poor. Then when I have lightly browned my
oversized steak, I'll crank up the flames to burn something toxic,
pumping that shit into the atmosphere. Of course, it gets hot here,
so I'll have to crank up the house's AC on max and leave the
windows open. Need to keep cool outside while recreating the fires
of hell with the grill.
2.1 years. I was a little mystified by "how much do you spend?" Does that include taxes? If not, why not? I like to think my taxes go to such Gaia-stomping uses as buying fuel for an armored division.
There was a recent Wired article arguing that we should be
landfilling old growth trees in order to efficiently sequester
carbon.
Wouldn't it be better to make houses and furniture with them?
12 years: the secret to survival is being poor, frugal, and
somewhat resourceful.
Question 8(recycling): recycling is difficult when neither your
city nor any businesses in it offer the service. Maybe my mileage
could cancel out when I take my recyclables to the collection
center?
Did anyone check out the "Math Behind the Science" for question
5?
"The more people you share with, the less energy costs you'll have,
because housemates share cooking, tv, stereo-time, and the
occasional bath."
Oh, I see where this is going.
Anyone else notice that if you have business travel via car/plane, it jacks up your piggy rating? Why is business travel more hurtful to our beloved Earth Mother? Because it means you're employed?
I *believe* homeless and chronically unemployed people tend to have relatively small carbon footprints, indeed.
And what kind of twat counts "ethical investing" as part of your spending, anyway?
It sort of makes sense, R C, since with most of the schemes these twats consider "ethical investing" you'll never see your money again.
I was really hoping that, by this time, someone would have
written "Ha ha, this is a hoax, like those cellphone popping
popcorn videos on YouTube." I mean, the exploding pig..."See how
much you suck!"..."You should be dead by age 3.5"...Australians let
their kids play with this thing?
On the other hand, Australians apparently think Steve Irwin and his
even more bonkers daughter are suitable for children, too.
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