Forget It Hillary, It's Chinatown

Nick Gillespie | March 7, 2008

As reason.tv videographer Dan Hayes notes at that site's video blog, Rough Cut, Hillary Clinton actually won the Ohio primary even after Jack Nicholson, the Laurence Olivier of American celebrity douchebags, released this ad in favor of the former First Lady.

A clip roll of various Nicholson performances ranging from the Joker in Batman ("this town needs an enema" is not included, alas) to Five Easy Pieces (where Jack's hip character harangues a waitress in a diner to show how disaffected and down with the common man he is) to A Few Good Men (where his military commander characters unconvincingly sanctions torture of U.S. servicemen as the only way to protect this land of liberty). The clip ends with an Colbert-Nation-like eagle emblazoned with the legend: "I'd rather live on my feet than die on my knees." Which strikes me as a very clumsy way to recall the good old '90s from a Clintonian perspective.

Yes, it's that good.

Question: Where do Barack Obama and John McCain go for their equivalent celebrity gag-ads?

Comments

Taktix®|3.7.08 @ 8:29AM|#

Where do Barack Obama and John McCain go for their equivalent celebrity gag-ads?

I hear Chuck Norris is looking for work...

Episiarch|3.7.08 @ 8:31AM|#

the Laurence Olivier of American celebrity douchebags

WTF?!? He's the Bela Lugosi of celebrity douchebags, dude.

Jack's still the best, though.

"I just took a Vaaaaaliuum..."

Episiarch|3.7.08 @ 8:31AM|#

Oh, and also: if Shatner does this for any candidate, even if it's the antichrist, I will vote for them.

|3.7.08 @ 9:01AM|#

We need a well-defined actor-centric spectrum of American celebrity douchebags. Who is the Yahoo Serious? The Billy Barty? The Ron Ely?

CowDog|3.7.08 @ 9:11AM|#

Um, that's "I'd rather die on my feet than live on my knees." The other way around isn't much of a statement.

The Wine Commonsewer|3.7.08 @ 9:12AM|#

I'd rather live on my feet than die on my knees

Plagiarizing a Mexican revolutionary war hero is really, really cheesy.

Sal Paradise|3.7.08 @ 9:19AM|#

He should have shown a clip from Easy Rider.

A drunken lawyer in jail is certainly a better reminder of the Clinton administration.

"First of the day, gentlemen"

The Wine Commonsewer|3.7.08 @ 9:23AM|#

Sal wins the thread. For now anyway.

|3.7.08 @ 9:29AM|#

OK, but would you rather live on your feet than hold a chicken between your knees?

That's the real question.

Wall Street|3.7.08 @ 9:41AM|#

Hey joe,

How is that 401k treatin' ya this morning?
Better hang on tight.... looks like the roller coaster is goin' down. Weeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!

shecky|3.7.08 @ 9:44AM|#

Plagiarizing a Mexican revolutionary war hero is really, really cheesy.

I see this more or less quoted on the gun/right wing forums once in a while. Usually attributed to a Founding Father or someone who isn't a filthy messkin. To see it on a Hillary ad really makes my head spin.

|3.7.08 @ 9:45AM|#

Where do Barack Obama and John McCain go for their equivalent celebrity gag-ads?

McCain could get that guy from "Law and Order" and "The Hunt for Red October". I forgot his name.

Episiarch|3.7.08 @ 9:48AM|#

Who will get the coveted Britney Spears endorsement? Who?

The Wine Commonsewer|3.7.08 @ 9:56AM|#

To see it on a Hillary ad really makes my head spin.

no doubt

Somebody just sent me an email claiming this was yet another parody ad. ????

|3.7.08 @ 9:57AM|#

I think the real question here is who is the John Agar of American celebrity douchebags?

Who will get the coveted Britney Spears endorsement? Who?

Dale Earnhardt Jr. and Colonel Sanders.

|3.7.08 @ 10:11AM|#

McCain could go with Fred Thompson and Bruce Willis for his celebrity endorsements... would be amusing when the 72-year-old man has more hair than his two younger endorsers combined.

As for Obama... have you not seen that insipid "Yes We Can" music video that will.i.am did?

|3.7.08 @ 10:13AM|#

Jack's best work was when his voice starred in Spaced Invaders. Jack was too busy to be involved himself.

shecky|3.7.08 @ 10:17AM|#

Most importantly, who is the Ted McGinley of political endorsements?

LarryA|3.7.08 @ 10:25AM|#

Celebrity endorsements?

John McCain could go with Sylvester Stallone, but the Rambo connection might be unfortunate.

Obviously Barack Obama needs Bill Cosby. Cliff Huxtable was also panned for being too white.

And it might give too many people ideas. Bill Cosby for President. At least when Bill talks with God, Bill listens.

|3.7.08 @ 10:51AM|#

I'm thinkin Billy-Bob Thornton reprising his role as Carl stumping for Mccain.
Kaiser blade in hand, promising justice and security for the whole universe. mmm-hmmmm

|3.7.08 @ 10:54AM|#

On second thought, Mccain might be better represented by Quagmire and the creepy neighbor in his bathrobe.

|3.7.08 @ 11:34AM|#

For McCain, I'd say any of the Golden Girls that are still alive.

|3.7.08 @ 12:03PM|#

jack just likes hillary cause he likes bill. and he likes bill cause they're both older men who get laid. and yes i think it's that shallow.

javier|3.7.08 @ 12:14PM|#

so opening the clip we have the joker who is showering the people with money and asking who do they trust knowing that handouts trump rational thought among the populus and as it turns out he does not have their best interests in mind.
HILLARY '08!

|3.7.08 @ 12:16PM|#

Excellent point javier, I watched the beginning again and I must have been sleeping the first time.

"Money money money .. who do you trust?"

|3.7.08 @ 1:39PM|#

I'm sorry, I've never seen A Few Good Men. Wasn't it a Kafkaesque tragedy, with Col. Jessep (Nicholson) as the tragic hero destroyed by the bleeding-heart liberal military bureaucracy? If Sen. Clinton wants to polish her security credentials and show that she'll protect America regardless of the political consequences (like Bush has) Jessep would be a perfect role model for her (not that I believe she would).

I can't justify the Joker, though. Perhaps he's an anarchistic anti-hero, rebelling against a fascist liberal society in the jackbooted person of Batman (that is, Soros-like liberal dogooder Bruce Wayne) and making explicit the implicit money-for-votes corruption infesting all of liberal society, kind of like how Alex in A Clockwork Orange 'acts out' because an oppressive liberal welfare state has denied him any acceptable outlets for his natural, manly desire to do violence... nah, that's too stupid. Nevermind.

|3.7.08 @ 2:21PM|#

no way, batman's way more libertarian then the joker. lol bruce wayne is a millionaire who does good with his money (his batcave is his "fountenhead", lets say).

|3.7.08 @ 2:40PM|#

Perhaps he's an anarchistic anti-hero, rebelling against a fascist liberal society in the jackbooted person of Batman

WHAT?! Dude, you have to read The Dark Knight Returns before saying things like that. Tis Superman that is the true fascist.

|3.7.08 @ 8:16PM|#

Well, The Dark Knight Returns is hardly in Tim Burton Batman continuity :) And that being said, I think your interpretation of Dark Knight is completely wrong. Superman isn't a fascist at all. That's why he plays the villain role - although he's - literally - the Ubermensch, he lacks the 'will to power' and refuses to use his strength to remake society in his (superior) image. Instead, he obeys the law, which is, in Frank Miller's universe, Superman's great tragic flaw; Miller writes Gotham like the Nazis saw the Weimar Republic - hopelessly corrupt and decadent, infested with criminality, Jewishness and liberalism (look at Robin's parents, for example, or how the Joker gets out of prison). Batman, the fascist hero, understands that the current order is corrupt and must fall; Gotham needs to be purged, purified in the fires of violence and remade anew. Superman, with his misguided faith in the untermenschen controlling society, refuses to accept the necessity of transformative violence, and so becomes an enemy who must be defeated.

See, Frank Miller is a fascist. When he writes the fascists, they're the good guys. See, for example, how he turns the Mutants gang into brownshirted Batman Youth - their capacity for violence, in fascist ideology, makes them superior to ordinary citizens; they just need to be trained to focus that violence against the enemies of Batman's new Reich. The Dark Knight Strikes Back is really about the redemption of Superman via his conversion to fascist ideology; its ending is a happy ending because Superman finally realizes his strength gives him the moral right to reject the law and rule over his inferiors (you do see how Luthor/Brainiac is a thinly disguised rendition of the 'conspiracy of international bankers', right? :P )

Pepe|3.7.08 @ 8:47PM|#

"For McCain, I'd say any of the Golden Girls that are still alive."

All four Golden Girls are still alive and well.

|3.7.08 @ 8:58PM|#

Bea Arthur is H O T!

new band name: Granny Tranny

Mad Max|3.8.08 @ 12:15PM|#

"Hello, I'm Lucy Lawless, and I'm asking for your vote so that we can make Hillary Clinton President.

"America needs a woman who's got more balls than all the male candidates put together. A woman who isn't afraid to kick the shit out of our country's enemies. And chop them into little pieces. A woman who can rip off Osama's balls and force him to eat them."

[Bill Clinton's voice offscreen - "that was great, honey! Hillary would be crazy not to run that ad!"]

[Alternate punch line] [Hillary's voice offstage: "that was great, honey! I'd be crazy not to run that ad!"]

|3.8.08 @ 5:52PM|#

Looks like Jack got himself a bottle of hooch and a copy of Final Cut Pro...