We Will Build Our Own Cities in Which There Will Be No Place for Humans Except to Serve Our Ends! And We Shall Found Our Own Armies, Our Own Religion, Our Own Dynasty! And That Day Is Upon You NOW!

Jesse Walker | January 16, 2008

An Austrian court makes it official: chimps are not people.

A chimpanzee cannot be declared a person, Austria's Supreme Court has ruled...

An animal rights group had sought to have the chimp, Matthew Hiasl Pan, declared a person in hopes of gaining guardianship of the animal.

The shelter where Matthew has lived for 25 years is going bankrupt, threatening to leave him homeless. Donors have offered to help support him, but under Austrian law, only a person can receive personal gifts.

The punchline:

The rights group said it would take the case to the European Court of Human Rights.

We last checked in on the chimpanzee community on Monday.