Twenty-Four Hour Shopping in Rapture

David Weigel | July 26, 2007

If you groove on video of Americans waving foreign flags and breaking into interpretive frugs, check out Max Blumenthal's report on the Christians United for Israel conference. The "get a bunch of kooks to say kooky things" school of journalism is hotly debated, but I think anyone who gets Tom DeLay to say he "hopes the Rapture happens tomorrow" is doing the work of the one true God.* (Click the links below if the video doesn't show up.)

Rapture Ready: The Unauthorized Christians United for Israel Tour from huffpost and Vimeo.

My inside sources tell me that The American Conservative will have a story on the conference that "doesn't focus so much on the crazies." But they're not counting Sen. Joe Lieberman as a "crazy"—a beginner's mistake.

*Zuul

Comments

Timothy|7.26.07 @ 1:23PM|#

I am the keymaster of Gozer.

lunchstealer|7.26.07 @ 1:29PM|#

If anyone asks you if you are the one true god you say YES!!!

SPD|7.26.07 @ 1:34PM|#

I humbly request that we keep the Ghostbusters quotes to a minimum of 250, please.

Cerro|7.26.07 @ 1:39PM|#

Apologies for threadjacking, but I thought Hit and Runners might appreciate photojournalist Sean Smith's new (non-ideological) Iraq documentary. There's a part 2 aswell, so follow the links:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/video/page/0,,2125978,00.html

|7.26.07 @ 1:41PM|#

"It's the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man."

|7.26.07 @ 2:13PM|#

SPD: No Chance!

He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!

|7.26.07 @ 2:25PM|#

Seriously, listening to fundamentalist Christians rattle on and on about end-times scenarios always reminds me of watching a dog eat peanut butter.

|7.26.07 @ 2:31PM|#

Weigel's just shilling for Big Marshmallow.

|7.26.07 @ 2:37PM|#

Weigel's shilling for Debbie Harry!

Will Tom DeLay eat up cars and bars with the man from Mars?

Nice title.

VM|7.26.07 @ 2:38PM|#

SPD: no way.

URKOBOLD's new new lobbyist Mr. Walter Peck (formerly of the EPA) has successfully enabled us to quote Ghostbusters as often as possible.

Jake - ooh! funny! how about s'more? [ducks]

Bazil|7.26.07 @ 2:41PM|#

Lieberman is off the deep end. So are these nutbags. I just hope if they decide to "accelerate" the rapture. They'll just send themselves to "heaven" and leave the rest of us "lost" people to live on this beautiful earth.

|7.26.07 @ 2:47PM|#

We've been going about this all wrong, this Mr. Stay Puft's okay. He's a sailor, he's in New York. We get this guy laid we won't have any trouble.

|7.26.07 @ 2:47PM|#

Isn't accelerating the Rapture contravening God's will and, I don't know, a bit presumptious and all? If Pride is a deadly sin, wouldn't Hubris be worse? Will these people be sent to double secret Hell?

Mike Laursen|7.26.07 @ 2:49PM|#

leave the rest of us "lost" people to live on this beautiful earth.

How have you been doing in the meekness department?

|7.26.07 @ 3:03PM|#

There is no Rep. Dana Rohrabacher (R - CA)... only Zuul!!!!!

VG|7.26.07 @ 3:18PM|#

Well, of they are right, when the end times come, all the Likudnik Jews that don't accept Jesus Christ will plummet into hell, and the fundie Christians will be raptured into heaven. At that point, the neoconservative coalition collapses.

VM|7.26.07 @ 3:30PM|#

Caption

[Man on Right] I looked at the trap, Ray

More on SonOfSid|7.26.07 @ 3:50PM|#

Someone should keep track of all the far-left sources Reason has been promoting recently. Should the SPLC or BabyMax be considered the apogee, or should we just wait until Weigel starts discussing how BobAvakian has some good things to say if we'll only listen?

Examples of BabyMax spilling his pureed peas at the link.

|7.26.07 @ 3:57PM|#

Everything was fine until dickless here cut off the power grid!

Is this true?

Yes, this man has no dick.

VM|7.26.07 @ 4:07PM|#

warren - the final sentence in your post really is a nice answer to the 3:50 post by the lonewackoff moron.

guess those mechanical hands don't work so well ferya, huh.

Or you can take your Lionel-Twain-no-pinky hands and participate on the prison batin thread, instead. THERE's where the AKSHUN is at!

|7.26.07 @ 4:09PM|#

I've concluded that David spent the bulk of his childhood being raped by conservative clergymen. I recommend he see a therapist specializing in repressed rape memory syndrome.

lunchstealer|7.26.07 @ 4:11PM|#

I think anyone who gets Tom DeLay to say he "hopes the Rapture happens tomorrow" is doing the work of the one true God.*

Yeah, but the real trick is getting him to say he "hopes they cross the streams tomorrow".

|7.26.07 @ 4:16PM|#

Why are these people called "fundamentalist"? They are not following their own holy scriptures, the Bible, for their beliefs do not come from the Bible, but from misinforming preachers.

They are not following the Word of God they said was handed down thousands of years ago, but following the word of false prophets handed down only a few decades ago.

|7.26.07 @ 4:19PM|#

Hech's Daughter: Well, the Evangelicals are good friends of Israel. Because of the Rapture.

Hech: Just you wait.

|7.26.07 @ 4:20PM|#

"They are not following the Word of God they said was handed down thousands of years ago, but following the word of false prophets handed down only a few decades ago."

And sadly, David is too intellectually feeble to grasp this distinction. He thinks as a child.

|7.26.07 @ 4:32PM|#

Yeah, Dave. If you weren't so intellectually feeble, you'd understand that this group of people over here had sole access to the Word of God, not that other group of people over there.

Geez, how intellectually feeble can you get?

lunchstealer|7.26.07 @ 4:43PM|#

joe, have you seen the debates? It's astonishing what modern technology can do for intellectual feebleness these days. The bar has never been so low!

|7.26.07 @ 4:46PM|#

"Yeah, Dave. If you weren't so intellectually feeble, you'd understand that this group of people over here had sole access to the Word of God, not that other group of people over there. Geez, how intellectually feeble can you get?"

No need to pile-on, Joe.

|7.26.07 @ 5:56PM|#

"Yeah, Dave. If you weren't so intellectually feeble, you'd understand that this group of people over here had sole access to the Word of God, not that other group of people over there. Geez, how intellectually feeble can you get?"

Here's an intellectual proposition:

Read any one of the four Gospels and then cite instances where the actions of self-proclaimed religious people, both historic and modern, are at variance with what is written.

Again, just an intellectual proposition.


http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=47&chapter=1&version=9

LibertyPlease|7.26.07 @ 6:01PM|#

"They are not following the Word of God they said was handed down thousands of years ago, but following the word of false prophets handed down only a few decades ago."

2,851+ One-True-Gods here: http://www.godchecker.com/

What are the odds.

Ventifact|7.26.07 @ 6:04PM|#

Loner, an answer that comes most readily to mind was the bumpersticker on the back of an expensive new SUV I saw coming home from work that read "If you're living as an atheist... you'd better be right!"

Jesus smiles when you buy big status-symbol cars instead of feeding poor people.

LibertyPlease|7.26.07 @ 6:06PM|#

Quick correction, some of those 2,851+ gods belonged to multitheistic worshippers, but hell, those worshippers knew they were correct.

I feel left out, may pick one myself!
http://www.godchecker.com/

LibertyPlease|7.26.07 @ 6:08PM|#

I am a shill for Big God. It's in the water here in Texas. Praise _____!

Russell|7.26.07 @ 7:25PM|#

Will the Marshmallow Man be running as a libertarian or a liebermanian in the next Connecticut senatorial election ?

|7.26.07 @ 7:36PM|#

Dr. Peter Venkman: This city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions.
Mayor: What do you mean, "biblical"?
Dr Ray Stantz: What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor, real wrath-of-God type stuff.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Exactly.
Dr Ray Stantz: Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies. Rivers and seas boiling.
Dr. Egon Spengler: Forty years of darkness. Earthquakes, volcanoes...
Winston Zeddemore: The dead rising from the grave.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together - mass hysteria!

Randolph Carter|7.26.07 @ 8:45PM|#

Ventifact,

A: Dinosaurs are extinct
THEREFORE
B: Jesus hated dinosaurs
CONCURRENTLY
A: Big cars use a lot of oil and gas
AND
B: Oil and gas are made of dinosaurs

THEREFORE
C: Jesus loves big inefficient cars

|7.26.07 @ 10:52PM|#

For some reason the phrase "useful idiots" comes to mind.

|7.26.07 @ 11:39PM|#

any criticisms of Israel is anti-semitic any support for Israel is quickening the end of the world.

what happens if you support New Zealand?

Saruman|7.27.07 @ 12:10AM|#

what happens if you support New Zealand?

You trade away your children's birthright to the goddamn hobbits is what happens.

um and just so as to not screw up the count:

"You're right, no human being would stack books like this."

lunchstealer|7.27.07 @ 12:47AM|#

Will the Marshmallow Man be running as a libertarian or a liebermanian in the next Connecticut senatorial election ?

The Marshmallow Man will be running on the Zod ticket. Which is to say, running to kneel before Zod.

|7.27.07 @ 10:36AM|#

"Loner, an answer that comes most readily to mind was the bumpersticker on the back of an expensive new SUV I saw coming home from work that read "If you're living as an atheist... you'd better be right!"

Jesus smiles when you buy big status-symbol cars instead of feeding poor people."

The suggestion I made was to read any one of the four gosples, not a bumper sticker. But thank you for proving my point.

|7.27.07 @ 11:06AM|#

Putting that bumber sticker on his car is an example of behavior by a religious believer that doesn't follow the message of the gospels, Lone Wolf.

Get it now?

|7.27.07 @ 4:12PM|#

"Putting that bumber sticker on his car is an example of behavior by a religious believer that doesn't follow the message of the gospels, Lone Wolf. Get it now?"

Joe,

And you definitively know the internal thought processes of Ventifact because...

|7.27.07 @ 7:08PM|#

...because it's not a terribly difficult line of reasoning to follow.