Russians Invade the North Pole

Jesse Walker | July 26, 2007

Further evidence that we live in a pulp fiction novel:

Russia is sending a mini-submarine to explore the ocean floor below the North Pole and find evidence to support its claims to Arctic territory.

Two parliamentarians, including veteran explorer Artur Chilingarov, are part of a team planning to dive 4,200m (14,000ft) below the Arctic Ocean on Sunday....

Reports say it will also leave behind a Russian flag and a capsule with a message for future generations.

"The Arctic is ours and we should demonstrate our presence," Mr Chilingarov told Russian TV.

According to the BBC's report, the Law of the Sea Treaty allows states to extend their aquatic claims when "the structure of the continental shelf is similar to the geological structure within its territory." The sub crew hopes to prove the underwater Lomonosov Ridge fits the bill, thus allowing Russia to claim the ocean's oil, gas, and mineral reserves. But if Moscow wants to take the pole, it will have to contend with more than mere international law. Just wait til Santa's elfin mujahideen turn the Arctic into Putin's Afghanistan...

Comments

|7.26.07 @ 10:54AM|#

" a Russian flag and a capsule with a message for future generations."

"NO TRESSPASSING"?

|7.26.07 @ 10:55AM|#

This reminds me of what the Menem regime in Argentina did with Antarctica, just before they launched the Faulklands War.

This is not good.

|7.26.07 @ 10:57AM|#

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amusing that one of the guys on the expedition is named Chilingarov?

phalkor|7.26.07 @ 11:02AM|#

But that ridge is where I keep my secret submarine base! I guess the russians want to steal the carefully guarded plans to space prison and the lunar clutch that I have hidden there.

|7.26.07 @ 11:05AM|#

They're just looking for the subaquarian army of zombie nazis. They marched fromm Lake Baikal to some place in Germany, and onwards to the north pole, apparently.

Heddi Lindquist|7.26.07 @ 11:06AM|#

Heddi Lindquist|7.26.07 @ 11:07AM|#

d'oh.

BEAR ISLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

|7.26.07 @ 11:07AM|#

Heddi Wins the thread.

|7.26.07 @ 11:08AM|#

Sorry,
I retract that award after her second post.

|7.26.07 @ 11:08AM|#

anyone else find it amusing that one of the guys on the expedition is named Chilingarov?

Looks like just you and me. Only at North Pole!

highnumber|7.26.07 @ 11:11AM|#

mediageek,

I am also amused.

Sal Paradise|7.26.07 @ 11:15AM|#

Did Hagbard tell the Russians where Leviathan is?

|7.26.07 @ 11:38AM|#

mediageek,

Fuckov.

|7.26.07 @ 11:41AM|#

So would this appear to be more of Putin's Nationalism campaign...or is this about cementing claims to (potential) natural resources?

|7.26.07 @ 11:43AM|#

Now we finally have a plausible scenario for a post-Cold War conflict between NATO and Russia. Russia makes an armed incursion into territoy claimed by NATO allies Denmark and Canada, and Canada responds with force, leading to an escalation spiral ending with the knockdown dragout fight between Russia and NATO that so many people spent so much time planning for.

When it's all over, civilization will end in radioactive flames, at which point John Wyndham will prove to be a prophet.

|7.26.07 @ 11:56AM|#

Canada will kick Russia's ass.

|7.26.07 @ 12:01PM|#

We won't let the United States get away with this! We will defend our sovereign claim on the North Pole against Yankee invaders!

VM|7.26.07 @ 12:24PM|#

Yeah, that's good, there, Bob. Or is it Doug? Whichever MacKenzie brother you are.

Yadda yadda. No go back to your garage and hurry up with the next generations of American Comedians.

[keed keed]

TLB|7.26.07 @ 12:36PM|#

Background on the LOS: cato.org/dailys/03-12-04.html

Alan|7.26.07 @ 12:44PM|#

Next up: Nishi will be going there full force to battle ANTI-PUTIN POLAR BEARS.

Alan|7.26.07 @ 12:46PM|#

*Nashi.

Thanks folks I'll be in the lounge all week. Try the buffet.

Fritz|7.26.07 @ 1:38PM|#

Or they need an isolated location in which to build the Death Star :O.

Actually, this sounds like the exposition behind a Bond movie.

excimer|7.26.07 @ 2:16PM|#

Reports say it will also leave behind a Russian flag and a capsule with a message for future generations.

Did anyone else think of Eddie Izzard?

"You can't do this to us, we live here!"

"...but do you have a FLAG?"

Bryan|7.26.07 @ 3:20PM|#

They can have it. This only give further credence to our claim on the moon.

|7.26.07 @ 4:12PM|#

I daresay our claim to the Moon is secure. After all, the 9/11 conspiracy was run from our secret Moon base!

Oops.

Dr. Evil, ABD|7.26.07 @ 4:36PM|#

ProGLib - which wing of the moon base?

Moon Unit Alpha or Moon Unit Zappa?

|7.26.07 @ 4:39PM|#

I believe it was in the Buzz Aldrin Slugfest Room at Moon Unit Zappa.

lunchstealer|7.26.07 @ 4:50PM|#

You know, I managed to get an MS in geophysics without ever knowing anything about the tectonics of the Arctic. Those stupid equator-across-the-middle projections of all the tectonic maps always gloss over the poles.

lunchstealer|7.26.07 @ 4:54PM|#

So the point of above post was that actually I'm pretty much in favor of anybody doing some significant geology up there.

Seems to me that Russia and Canada should split most of it, with wedges for the US and Norway, and maybe Denmark above Alaska, Greenland, and Norway. Make an exception to the various rules of the normal sea, since it's 99% unnavigable until global warming finishes doin' its voodoo.