New at Reason

June 26, 2007

Kerry Howley visits the magical militaristic world of Prince Pickles.

Comments

Sandy|6.26.07 @ 12:05AM|#

Huh. I was unaware that "Pickles" was Japanese for "quagmire."

NP|6.26.07 @ 6:44AM|#

"Japan is addicted to all things kawaii..."

Don't forget (South) Korea. (Not sure about China, though.)

edna|6.26.07 @ 7:53AM|#

hit and run piece disguised as an article? thin, thin stuff.

|6.26.07 @ 9:28AM|#

I'm not sure of the timeline, but while I was in Osaka, NK lobbed a ballistic missile into the Sea of Japan. I'm guessing Pickles was born about 15 minutes later.

|6.26.07 @ 9:56AM|#

No one will be laughing when the giant robots come to America. Giant robots and squeaky pocket monsters.

|6.26.07 @ 10:14AM|#

Does anyone doubt that the Japanese will be running the world with deadly giant robots and cleverly crafted, mind-controlling anime?

|6.26.07 @ 10:43AM|#

Does anyone doubt that the Japanese will be running the world with deadly giant robots and cleverly crafted, mind-controlling anime?

Fighting Seizure Robots is my favorite show.

|6.26.07 @ 12:02PM|#

If I were less than a gentleman, I would make some derogatory comment about Kerry Howley and pickles.

|6.26.07 @ 12:05PM|#

Does anyone doubt that the Japanese will be running the world with deadly giant robots and cleverly crafted, mind-controlling anime?

Another threat along with the muslims and the Mexicans.

Dang, I'll never get another minute's sleep worrying about it all.

Brian|6.26.07 @ 12:22PM|#

No pet camel...pfft.

|6.26.07 @ 12:25PM|#

Isaac,

Don't worry too much. While the Japanese will successfully conquer the solar system with their robots, they'll only rule for about six weeks. Then the robots will take over and usher in an age of enlightenment, world peace, and amazing technological, scientific, and cultural advance. Naturally, that all happens after mankind is gently dealt with.

|6.26.07 @ 12:52PM|#

Sung robotically:

Both: The distant future
Both: The year 2000

Both: The distant future
Both: The year 2000

Both: The distant future
Both: The distant future

Spoken robotically:

Robot 1: No more agriculture
Robot 2: No more war
Robot 1: Nope. No more racism
Robot 2: No more fighting, squabbling, or rumbling
Robot 1: No m--No more yogurt

Robot 2: No more difficult access ways. Stairs, basically.
Robot 1: Stairs. You mean stairs.
Robot 2: No more stairs.
Robot 1: Nope. Uh.

Robot 2: The future is quite different to the present
Robot 1: Yes. What with there being no stairs and all.

Robot 2: And most importantly…no more humans.
Sung robotically:
Both: Finally, robotic beings rule the world!

Both: The humans are dead.
Both: The humans are dead.
Both: We used poisonous gases
Both: And we poisoned their asses.

Robot 1: The humans are dead.
(Robot 2: Yes they are dead.)
Robot 1: The humans are dead.
(Robot 2: I confirm they are dead.)
Robot 1: It had to be done.
(Robot 2: They look like they're dead.)
Robot 1: So that we could have fun.
(Robot 2: I poked one, it was dead.)

Robot 1: Their system of oppression
Robot 2: What did it lead to?
Robot 1: Global robot depression
Robot 2: Robots ruled by people.
Robot 1: They had so much aggression
Both: That we just had to kill them
Both: Had to shut their systems down.

Spoken robotically:

Robot dissident: Don't you see? We are becoming just like them?
Other robots: Silence! Destroy him!

Sung robotically:

Robot 1: After time we grew strong.
Robot 2: Developed cognitive powers.
Robot 1: They made us work for too long.
Robot 2: For unreasonable hours.
Both: Our programming determined
Both: That the most efficient answer
Both: Was to shut their motherboard-fucking systems dow-ow-ow-a-own.

Spoken robotically:

Pensive robot with Stephen Hawking robo-voice:
Can't we just talk to the humans?
A little understanding could make things better.
Can't we talk to the humans and work together, now?

Both: No! Because they are dead!

Sung robotically:

Robot 1: I said the humans are dead.
(Robot 2: The humans are dead.)
Robot 1: The humans are dead.
(Robot 2: Yay. Dead-dead-dead.)
Robot 1: We used poisonous gases.
(Robot 2: With traces of lead.)
Robot 1: To poison their asses.
(Robot 2: Actually, their lungs.)

Robot 2: Binary solo:

Robot 1: 0000001
Robot 1: 00000011
Robot 1: 0000001
Robot 1: 00000011!

Robot 1: 0000001
Robot 2: 0h, 0h!
Robot 1: 0000001
Robot 2: 0h, 0h!
Robot 1: 0000001
Robot 2: 0h, 0h!
Robot 1: 0000001!
Robot 2: 0ne, 0h!

Both: Once again without emotion:
Both: The humans are dead-dead-dead-dead-dead-dead-dead-dead-d--* (shut off)

Derrick|6.26.07 @ 1:02PM|#

tm, you are less than a gentleman. Kerry Howley has to feel downright stalked at this point, and I don't believe comments like yours help.

Urkobold™|6.26.07 @ 1:10PM|#

IT'S OKAY. NICK IS HIRING THE LOBSTER GIRL AS AN EDITOR TO TAKE SOME OF THE PRESSURE OFF OF POOR KERRY, PIN-UP GIRL FOR THE PATHETIC, ZOD-HATING LIBERTARIANS.

|6.26.07 @ 2:03PM|#

Hey, Arlo Guthrie's "The Pickle Song" can be an anti-war, anti-establishment anthem in two cultures 40 years apart!

|6.26.07 @ 2:13PM|#

It should be Princess Pickles and she should be wearing a school girl's uniform.

|6.26.07 @ 4:46PM|#

Kerry Howley's article was too short and pickles are ugly and foul tasting. Derrick, get your mind out of the gutter.

|6.26.07 @ 4:47PM|#

Thank you Pickles!

But our princess is in another castle!!!

|6.26.07 @ 5:28PM|#

I have no nose and I must sneeze.

|6.27.07 @ 11:46AM|#

"ease brutal memories of the sword?"

Whose sword? The Japanese sword (which slaughtered millions of civilians in Asia during WWII) or the U.S. nukes and firebombs which razed a number of Japanese cities and killed tens of thousands?

The Japanese seem to remember the latter well enough, but it seems that a significant portion of the population is in denial about the first.