And Then We Will Bomb the Capital of the United States. We Will Bomb Cleveland.

Jacob Sullum | August 4, 2006

"If you bomb our capital Beirut, we will bomb the capital of your usurping entity," Hezbollah head honcho Hassan Nasrallah told Israelis yesterday. "We will bomb Tel Aviv." Tel Aviv, of course, is not the capital of Israel; Jerusalem is. I understand that Nasrallah does not recognize Israeli sovereignty over Jerusalem. But as the reference to "your usurping entity" makes clear, neither does he recognize Israeli sovereignty over any part of Israel. The refusal to acknowledge Jerusalem as Israel's capital is usually associated with more moderate critics, for whom "the occupation" refers not to the entire state but to the land Israel took over in the Six Day War, including the eastern part of the city, which has been officially incorporated into Israel. The continuing dispute over the status of East Jerusalem is the reason most countries (including the U.S.) still have their embassies in Tel Aviv. But for Nasrallah, who sees the entire state as illegitimate, what's the point of pretending that Tel Aviv, not Jerusalem, is the capital?

Presumably it's to avoid the awkwardness of threatening to bomb a city that Muslims consider holy. Killing Israeli Arabs at random is one thing, but dropping a rocket on the Al-Aqsa Mosque or the Dome of the Rock is another. Or maybe Hezbollah's "long-range" rockets just can't reach that far. Still, Nasrallah could just as well proclaim that Haifa is the seat of the Israeli government, in which case Hezbollah has already bombed the capital. Take that, usurping entity!

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|8.4.06 @ 11:51AM|#

I was thinking the same exact thing when I heard him on one of the cable networks yesterday. WTF?

Or maybe Hezbollah's "long-range" rockets just can't reach that far.

That's my guess, except I believe the term for what they have that can reach that far is missiles. Don't ask me to explain which is which or why, I may know something but not everything.

|8.4.06 @ 12:03PM|#

"Presumably it's to avoid the awkwardness of threatening to bomb a city that Muslims consider holy."

In other news. Bacon Cheese burgers taste good, but aren't good for you.

Not really much of a head scratcher, really.

|8.4.06 @ 12:07PM|#

Gee, can I pretend that the U.S. capital is Philadelphia? After all, the illegally adopted "Constitution" is the only authorization for a "District of Columbia." The Articles of Confederation say nothing about that. :)

Kevin

|8.4.06 @ 12:13PM|#

Didn't Saddam Hussein choose not to launch missiles against Jerusalem during the first Gulf War precisely because of the presence of so many Muslims and sites sacred to them?

|8.4.06 @ 12:20PM|#

Didn't Saddam Hussein choose not to launch missiles against Jerusalem during the first Gulf War precisely because of the presence of so many Muslims and sites sacred to them?

And Hussein's action is relevant here because...?

Hussein's time in office wasn't exactly characterized by restraint in killing Muslims. See, e.g., Iran and Kurds, The.

|8.4.06 @ 12:22PM|#

You know, we probably would have been better off if that section of swamp between Maryland and Virgina had never been drained. That's one bit of "wetlands" protection I could get behind. :)

|8.4.06 @ 12:25PM|#

Hmmm... can we re-fill that swamp? Oh, never mind; it looks like Congress is way ahead of us there. Crocodiles and snakes all over the place.

|8.4.06 @ 12:32PM|#

And Then We Will Bomb the Capital of the United States. We Will Bomb Cleveland.

There's a campaign I can get behind. I always thought it would be better, though, if we just sold the Mistake on the Lake to the Canadians.

|8.4.06 @ 12:37PM|#

Hey! There will be none of that!

Detroit on the other hand...

|8.4.06 @ 12:42PM|#

I hereby propose we swap Cleveland, or Detroit, or both, with Canada. In return they have to give us their national anthem. Their national anthem kicks our national anthem's ass.

|8.4.06 @ 12:45PM|#

"Presumably it's to avoid the awkwardness of threatening to bomb a city that Muslims consider holy."

If that's the case, doesn't it undercut the notion that the intifada is purely a political resistance? Have violent political factions stayed from attacking the seat of the gov't they oppose because civilians they purport to liberate live there?

I'm going to take the other, more cynical, route and assume the editors got their facts correct. Which means that the editors ALSO assume their readers are stupid and left out important facts to make the numbers look shocking. But it's possible he paid $31,000 for 1000 shares of stock several years ago and has received roughly $3,500 in total dividends since.

|8.4.06 @ 12:48PM|#

And Then We Will Bomb the Capital of the United States. We Will Bomb Cleveland.

Noooo!!! This is my lair. All of my nice things!Ruined!

And it's The Heart of Rock n' Roll, not the capital (thankfully).

|8.4.06 @ 1:08PM|#

I suppose if they targeted Jerusalem there'd be a very high likelihood of hitting the West Bank if a rocket fell short or went wide.

Tel Aviv, on the other hand, is on the coast.

Stephen Macklin|8.4.06 @ 1:11PM|#

And Then We Will Bomb the Capital of the United States. We Will Bomb Cleveland. YEEAAAHHH!

(sorry it had to be done)

|8.4.06 @ 1:16PM|#

db, Saddam obviously was different from Hezbollah and had no qualms about murdering Muslims. My point was that there is precedent for avoiding attacks on Jerusalem in order to have greater appeal in the Muslim world.

|8.4.06 @ 1:19PM|#

I hereby propose we swap Cleveland, or Detroit, or both, with Canada. In return they have to give us their national anthem. Their national anthem kicks our national anthem's ass.

happyjuggler0,

Wrong and wrong. On both counts. Cleveland is much better than Detroit. Likewise, the US's national anthem is the best. Also, I am not going to become Canuck.

Ayn_Randian,

Although Columbus is ok Cleveland is still much nicer. Plus, we have snappy rhyming nicknames for our city. Columbus has...cows?

Why all of the sudden hatred for Cleveland? Y'all are a bunch of Haters!

Killing Israeli Arabs at random is one thing

True, no one (except, oddly, the Israelis) seems to care about that.

Hussein's time in office wasn't exactly characterized by restraint in killing Muslims.

Funny, but neither is Hezbollah very restrained when it come to killing Muslims. My guess is that they have killed at least an order of magnitude more Muslims than Jews.

|8.4.06 @ 1:36PM|#

Don't worry smacky, when the Canadians come for their property, you can just walk over to the river, drop a match and BOOM!, instant fiery moat.

Columbus has Ohio State. Cleveland has....Cleveland State? Is that it?

Why all the sudden hatred? Cleveland is the home of both the Browns AND Dennis Kucinich. 'Nuff said.

(edit: I think Cleveland's great, but Cleveland ragging is an old-time Ohio tradition)

|8.4.06 @ 2:00PM|#

Cleveland?

I was assuming they would bomb Tel Aviv and Houston.

|8.4.06 @ 2:13PM|#

smacky,

Have you ever seen the lyrics to the other verses of the Star Spangled Banner? The reference to washing away the desecrating footprints of the British with blood?

I like the first verse - takes a licking and keeps on ticking is a message we can all get behind. But it's all downhill from there.

|8.4.06 @ 2:24PM|#

If somebody were to let me choose the national anthem it would be definitely be an Eminem song. Presumably "We As Americans", although I'd entertain other ideas.

Fortunately, nobody will ever let me choose the national anthem.

|8.4.06 @ 2:38PM|#

joe - you are 100% wrong. The third stanza's gloating about kicking British ass is awesome.

See?

|8.4.06 @ 2:39PM|#

I'm with Smacky! Why all the Cleveland/Detroit hate?

AynRandian, what does Cleveland have? A stellar art museum and the Cleveland Orchestra.

And the Canadian National Anthem is quite representative of most things Canadian. A tad milquetoast. Whitebread. Blah.

|8.4.06 @ 2:41PM|#

thoreau - that reminds me of this:

A new national anthem is also in the works by composer Glenn Danzig, tentatively titled "Howl Of The She-Demon."

|8.4.06 @ 2:43PM|#

Have you ever seen the lyrics to the other verses of the Star Spangled Banner? The reference to washing away the desecrating footprints of the British with blood?

joe,

I recall the entire lyrics but don't know them by heart. I think the lyrics that are typically sung are very nice, though. Plus, there is something to be said for bloody retribution in the name of justice. And I really like the tune. I don't think the tune is as difficult as people claim...then again, I think a lot of people are tone-deaf.

|8.4.06 @ 3:03PM|#

And the Canadian National Anthem is quite representative of most things Canadian. A tad milquetoast. Whitebread. Blah.

That's because it was rewritten in the '80s to make it all Canadian in the eighties and all, eh.
It wasn't that bad a song originally.

|8.4.06 @ 3:28PM|#

Even though I live in Cuyahoga Falls, knocking on Cleveland is played-out 80's fare, just like the "Cowtown" thing with Columbus is played-out 90's fare. Columbus is a cool place, for very different reasons. Knock off the Cleveland AND Columbus bashing, you meanies!

Cleveland's better than that piece of shit down by the river with the race problem.

Is Kucinich's district really in Cleveland or is it in one of those People's Republic suburbs in Cuyahoga County?

|8.4.06 @ 3:39PM|#

Cleveland's better than that piece of shit down by the river with the race problem.

Yeah, get with the new millenium! Fuck Cincinnati! (Sorry Ruthless)

|8.4.06 @ 4:27PM|#

Try singing the original words at the next sporting event Willie or Rosanne or whoever mangles the words and the melody. It'll get you some strange looks.

TO ANACREON IN HEAVEN
I.
To Anacreon in Heav'n,
Where he sat in full glee,
A few Sons of Harmony
Sent a petition
That he their Inspirer
And Patron would be;
When this answer arrived
From the Jolly Old Grecian:
"Voice, Fiddle, and Flute,
No longer be mute,
I'll lend you my name
And inspire you to boot,
Chorus:
And besides I'll instruct you,
Like me, to intwine
The Myrtle of Venus
With Bacchus's Vine."
II.
The news through Olympus
Immediately flew;
When Old Thunder pretended
To give himself airs.
"If these Mortals are suffered
Their scheme to pursue,
The devil a Goddess,
Will stay above stairs.
Hark, already they cry,
In transports of joy,
'Away to the Sons
Of Anacreon we'll fly,
Chorus:
And there with good fellows,
We'll learn to intwine
The Myrtle of Venus
With Bacchus' Vine.
III.
"The Yellow-Haired God
And his nine fusty Maids
From Helicon's banks
Will incontinent flee,
Idalia will boast
But of tenantless shades,
And the bi-forked hill
A mere desert will be.
My Thunder no fear on't,
Shall soon do its errand,
And dam'me I'll swing
The Ringleaders I warrant.
Chorus:
I'll trim the young dogs,
For thus daring to twine
The Myrtle of Venus
With Bacchus's Vine."
IV.
Apollo rose up,
And said, "Pry'thee ne'er quarrel,
Good King of the Gods,
With My Vot'ries below:
Your Thunder is useless"--
Then showing his laurel,
Cry'd "Sic evitabile
Fulmen, you know!
Then over each head,
My laurels I'll spread,
So my sons from your Crackers
No mischief shall dread,
Chorus:
While, snug in their clubroom,
They jovially twine
The Myrtle of Venus
With Bacchus's Vine."
V.
Next Momus got up
With his risible Phiz
And swore with Apollo
He'd cheerfully join --
"The full tide of Harmony
Still shall be his,
But the Song, and the Catch,
And the Laugh shall be mine.
Then, Jove, be not jealous
Of these honest fellows."
Cry'd Jove, "We relent,
Since the truth you now tell us:
Chorus:
And swear by Old Styx,
That they long shall intwine
The Myrtle of Venus
With Bacchus's Vine."
VI.
Ye Sons of Anacreon,
Then join hand in hand;
Preserve Unanimity,
Friendship, and Love!
'Tis yours to support
What's so happily plann'd;
You've the sanction of Gods,
And the Fiat of Jove.
While thus we agree,
Our toast let it be:
"May our Club flourish Happy,
United, and Free!
Chorus:
And long may the Sons
Of Anacreon intwine
The Myrtle of Venus
With Bacchus's Vine."

|8.4.06 @ 4:28PM|#

Eminem???? Bah. Only one group can give America the anthem it deserves. Only one group can rock this country the way it needs to be rocked.

That group is AC/DC. The song is "For Those about to Rock". It's got cannons and stuff, too.

Fire!

|8.4.06 @ 5:22PM|#

PL, far be it from me to criticize the awesomeness that is AC/DC. Still, I believe that Eminem is a true American success story, and his lyrics represent some of America's highest ideals.

|8.4.06 @ 5:27PM|#

They aren't even American. Plus they suck pretty bad.
How about "Rock n Roll" from Zepplin?

|8.4.06 @ 5:56PM|#

They aren't even American. Plus they suck pretty bad.
How about "Rock n Roll" from Zepplin?

But, but, but grrrr aaaahhhhh!
Aw nuts! Why even bother talking to a zep head?

|8.4.06 @ 7:04PM|#

I think we can turn our backs to the frosty Canuck. Herself & I have long proposed we declare war on Mexico, & make them take Texas back.
hey, its a first step......

|8.4.06 @ 7:13PM|#

"Only one group can give America the anthem it deserves."

Oh come on, haven't you noticed who's running the show in Washington?

The one true anthem for the Bush era has to be "Puff the Magic Dragon" because they're definitely living in a fantasy world and quite probably high.

Yeah, let's make a Democracy in the Middle East. We can call it Honah-Lee.

|8.4.06 @ 7:19PM|#

How about "Stairway to heaven"?
Tomcat, Stockholm

|8.4.06 @ 9:17PM|#

What is the point of calling on a bunch of Brits or Ozzies to replace Our National Anthem. If we must have rock n'roll, we have plenty of homegrown candidates. I'd prefer the Ramones, but the Danzig suggestion is not far off. If we want to add an air of the classic, what's wrong with Chuck Berry? Back' In The USA could work.

Kevin

Douglas Westerman|8.4.06 @ 10:01PM|#

If you compare the position of Muslim Jihadists to orthodox Jewish tenents, it turns out they are similar in many respects.

Yesha Rabbinical Council is the recognized authority on Jewish religious questions in Gaza and the West Bank. This week it decreed that at least 56 Lebanese citizens of Kfar Qanna, including at least 34 children, targeted by an Israeli air strike, were not "innocent."

"The Yesha Rabbinical Counsel announced in response to an IDF attack in Kfar Qanna that 'according to Jewish law, during a time of battle and war, there is no such thing as 'innocence' among the enemy.'" 1

The council's edict reflects existing Israeli military/religious law. The chaplain for the IDF forces says, "In war, when our forces storm the enemies, they are allowed and even enjoined by the Halakah to kill even good civilians, that is, civilians that are ostensibly good." 2

Such official standards come from binding Jewish law, or Halakah, contained in the Babylonian Talmud. The Talmud is the highest religious and ethical authority for the state of Israel and religious Jews. The Talmudic 'proof text' for Yesha's decision came from treatise Abodah-Zarah 26b, where Rabbi Simeon Ben Yohai says: "The best among the gentiles deserves to be killed. The best of snakes ought to have its head crushed."

Is the author of such racism denounced? No. Rabbi Ben Yohai is one of the earliest and most respected of Talmudic rabbis. He is so beloved by Ultra-Orthodox Jews in Israel that every year at his birth place, in Meron, tens of thousands gather for days in the festival of Lag Ba Omar to sing and dance in honor of his memory.

I would be willing to just stand back and let these fanatics kill each other until there are no more of them left on either side, but there is the possibility that their offspring will turn out better, so I favor a cease fire for their sake.

|8.4.06 @ 10:50PM|#

What the heck is with you people who want an English (Led Zep) or Australian (AC/DC) rock group to provide the American anthem?

I second the nomination of Eminem. Only I think we should just take an excerpt from the verse he contributed to 50 Cent's "Rap Game":

I'm all for America, fuck the government
Tell that C. Delores Tucker slut to suck a dick
Mother fuck a duck, what the fuck? Son of a bitch
Take away my gun, I'm gonna tuck some other shit
Can't tell me shit about the tricks of this trade
Switchblade, with a little switch to switch blades
And switch from a six- to a sixteen-inch blade
Shit's like a samurai sword, eh sensai?
Shit just don't change to this day, I'm this way
Still tell that utslay itchbay, "Ucksay my ikcday"
'Scuse my igpay atinlay, But uckfay you igpay

Now that's American! With a shout-out to the 1st and 2nd Amendments, and a very deliberate and defiant challenge to censorship.

Plus I would get a real kick out of hearing a stadiumful of people stand up, put their hands over their hearts, and rap those lyrics before a baseball game.

And with that as a national anthem, anybody who gets in a panic over Janet Jackson's nipple will appear even more ridiculous.

|8.4.06 @ 10:55PM|#

Um, no. So sorry, but Eminem sucks big time.

The obvious answer has arrived: Play "Free Bird"!

Jason S.|8.4.06 @ 11:24PM|#

I hereby propose we swap Cleveland, or Detroit, or both, with Canada.

Some things I'd like about being traded to Canada:

-Lower per-capita prison population
-Lower drinking age
-Balanced federal budget
-Ability to buy Sudafed without putting one's name on a suspected tweaker list
-Tax-free gambling winnings
-The federal government keeps its nose out of education, leaves it to the provinces.
-Legal prostitution (not that I need to pay for sex. It just shouldn't be any of the government's business)
-No federally mandated "low-flow" toilets and showerheads
-The Browns might be more competitive if they played in the CFL.

Some things I wouldn't like about being traded to Canada:

-Socialized medicine
-Gun control
-Higher taxes
-Monarchy
-Metric system
-Having to go to a provincial store to buy beer (at least in Ontario, I don't know about the other provinces)

Some things that would cut both ways:

-Broadcast regulation (Canada mandates a certain percentage of Canadian content, but doesn't seem to be as puritanical about broadcast decency as the U.S. is.)
-Parliamentary government would make it easier to pass stupid laws, but it would also make it easier to repeal the stupid laws of the previous administration.

As for the Cleveland-Columbus rivalry, Columbus hasn't had any redeeming value since the Kahiki was torn down.

|8.5.06 @ 12:54AM|#

The Cleveland-Columbus rivalry is still pretty much one-way. Native Columbus-ians have this hilarious inferiority complex when it comes to Cleveland.

Then again, Clevelanders are gaining a pretty funny psychology about Columbus, a city which has passed Cleveland proper in just about every conceivable positive category. Hell, I remember the sneering when Columbus caught and passed Cleveland in population.

Columbus is pretty much the definition of suburbia, though, which often makes it about as exciting as going to the local multiplex to "people watch".

|8.5.06 @ 1:11PM|#

smacky, the Other Mark,

I've got nothing against glorious victories. I've got nothing against looking back at a victory and deciding to "gloat over the American triumph."

But I don't think our military prowess makes us who we are. The first verse, where we get our ass kicked but the banner still flies "o'er the land of the free and the home of the brave" is about who we are - a people who will be free and brave, whose democratic system, commitment to rights, and unity will persevere no matter what happens.

Rome, Nazi Germany, and Napoleonic France were great military powers. That's not what makes us special. What makes America unique, what makes it America, are the ideas and values asserted in our founding documents, put into practice in our political system, and symbolized by the Stars and Stripes. That that symbol will endure not matter what is the right message for our national anthem.

Not "Nyah nyah, we kicked the Brits' ass."

|8.5.06 @ 1:21PM|#

I second Pro Libertate on the Eminem comment.

Not "Nyah nyah, we kicked the Brits' ass."

joe,

But...we did.

|8.5.06 @ 3:10PM|#

Agree on Eminem.

"Crap" is too kind a description.

Jason S.|8.5.06 @ 3:16PM|#

But...we did.

Sure we did, at Ft. McHenry. But that was after the British managed to burn our capital. The War of 1812 was at best a draw for the U.S.

|8.5.06 @ 3:40PM|#

You call this crap?

They're coming with bombs,
I'm coming with flare guns,
We as Americans.

We as Americans,
Us as the citizens,
Gotta protect ourselves,
Look at how shit has been,
We better check ourselves,
Living up in these streets,
Through worse and through better health,
Surviving by any means.

We as Americans,
Us as the Citizens,
We as Samaritans,
What did we get us in?
We better check ourselves,
Look at how shit has been,
Take a look where you live,
This is America,
And we are Americans.

The Star Spangled Banner is all about endurance in a tough fight. (Well, the first verse is, anyway.) But if you really want a song that says "Americans are badasses and not to be fucked with!" then you need Eminem. (And the part about "flare guns" in the face of bombs is also an allusion to the first amendment, since he's talking about sending a message when confronted with force.)

|8.5.06 @ 3:59PM|#

Crappy crap.

Eminem may be a wonderful Pure Libertarian, but his work sucks ass.

Sorry.

|8.5.06 @ 7:37PM|#

joe, so I take it you second my vote for "Free Bird"? Good.

|8.5.06 @ 10:16PM|#

"But how dare you try to take what you didn't help me to get,
You selfish bitch!
I hope you fucking burn in hell for this shit!"
--Eminem, "Cleaning Out My Closet", on being sued.

"When some dude's getting bullied and shoots up his school
And they blame it on Marilyn [Manson] and the heroin,
Where were the parents at?"
--Eminem, "Whatever", on Columbine and blame games

"Fuck you miss Cheney! Fuck you Tipper Gore!"
--Eminem, "White America", on censorship

And then there's all of the brilliance that is "Mosh" (mixed in, admittedly, with massive megalomania). Favorite snippet:

"Let the president answer a higher anarchy
Strap him with a AK-47, let him go fight his own war
Let him impress daddy that way
"

I've told my wife that if I were President I'd have Eminem as my VP. I'd issue a bunch of pardons, fire a bunch of people, auction off a bunch of federal property, bring all of the troops home, and then leave office following my impeachment. Eminem would then be in charge.

|8.6.06 @ 12:40AM|#

Try as you might, you will not sway me to like that Detroit piece 'o garbage.

Interestingly, you won't get me to disown (for example) Rage Against the Machine, despite their very clear, very frequently elucidated anti-libertarian ideas.

They simply kick. ass.

|8.6.06 @ 1:17AM|#

But as the reference to "your usurping entity" makes clear, neither does he recognize Israeli sovereignty over any part of Israel. The refusal to acknowledge Jerusalem as Israel's capital is usually associated with more moderate critics, for whom "the occupation" refers not to the entire state but to the land Israel took over in the Six Day War, including the eastern part of the city, which has been officially incorporated into Israel.

Damn man, that was like reading the Tax Code. Who follows this shit? Goddamn podunk country 6,000 miles away... been in the news every fucking day of my entire life. Why? Who cares? Another tin-horn war in another irrelevant stretch of nowhere.

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