David Weigel | July 21, 2006
If you've been seeing more differently-waistlined Americans rolling along the sidewalk in scooters, the cause may not be a wave of disease and injuries. It might just be laziness.
The power scooter is an increasingly ubiquitous sight, with an estimated 1.2 million in use nationwide. But while the $1,000-plus vehicles have been hailed as a boon for the infirm and the elderly, they are now finding a new constituency: able-bodied people who simply don't feel like walking. In addition to theme parks like Dollywood and Minnesota's giant Mall of America, the scooters are popping up everywhere from Las Vegas casinos to grocery stores. When scooter demand outstrips supply at Wal-Mart, greeters "evaluate the situation" and make sure that people using the scooters can demonstrate a legitimate need, according to a company spokesman.
The Wall Street Journal's Ellen Gamerman rounds up a regular gallery of sloth for her survey, including a guy who admits he uses his scooter to get casino seats "right in the mezzanine with the handicapped people."
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I believe the "Hail Satan Network" sketch from Mr. Show may have been among the first to address the growing epidemic of laziness. (Also, the desire to see bestiality performed.)
I remember seeing a 400lb, gender-undetermined, monster rolling over a broken sidewalk in one of these scooters. The violently jiggling neck fat was high comedy.
How soon until we can bet on arena fights between captured humaoids of this sector of the galaxy?
I remember seeing a Mad magazine bit from about 40 years ago
that predicted a proliferation of scooter use, followed by a stage
of evolution in which human legs would atrophy and asses swell
until we all look like punch-me dolls.
So far, so good.
Anyone ever see the movie "Waking Ned Devine" Towards the end,
the nasty old woman of the village who drives around in one of
these scooters, battery dies and gets out and starts walking.
Thoughout the movie you thought she was handicaped and it turns out
she is fine. I guess future generations who watch that film won't
get that joke.
Seriously, this is pathetic.
Those 'sloth sleds' seem to be used almost exclusively by obese
people. If you are really disabled, you have your own device from
home.
My apologies to the morbidly obese readers, but wouldn't burning a
few calories walking around the store actually help out a
little?
"I remember seeing a Mad magazine bit from about 40 years ago
that predicted a proliferation of scooter use, followed by a stage
of evolution in which human legs would atrophy and asses swell
until we all look like punch-me dolls."
There is a reason why magazines like Mad and the Onion are not
funny anymore; they are too close to the truth these days. You just
can't parody this stuff.
Homer: Hey, what's Lucky joined up to?
Woman: It's a machine that breaths for him.
Homer: And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker. And how come
everyone
has a bed pan and I have to walk all the way other there!
Umbriel,
Unfortunately Lamarck was quite mistaken about inheritance of
acquired characteristics, so that wouldn't happen in real life.
Dune. Baron Vladimir Harkonnen.
OTOH: Those 'sloth sleds' seem to be used almost exclusively by
obese people. If you are really disabled, you have your own device
from home.
Beg to differ. My mother had emphysema. She could walk from the car
into the store, but could not make it through an hour of standing
to do the grocery shopping. My cousin just had her hip replaced and
is doing pretty good with a cane. But again, not for an hour. And
the carts made shopping much easier for my wife in the ninth month
of her pregnancies.
Not all mobility problems are wheelchair-or-nothing.
Riding on a scooter instead of walking = lazy
Riding in a car instead of walking = practical
Dan seems to have missed the distinction between walking a few hundred yards indoors (scooter) and driving for miles outdoors (car).
Heck, Larry A, why didn't I think of that one? Yeah,
suspensors to hold up a fat guy--that's the Baron Harkonnen all the
way. Fat Atreides-hatin' bastard.
Dan T.,
Have a nice twenty mile walk to work. And back. I'm not betting any
quatloos on you :)
Dan seems to have missed the distinction between walking a
few hundred yards indoors (scooter) and driving for miles outdoors
(car).
Right, because when looking at someone in either a scoooter or car,
you can instantly tell exactly how far they'll be traveling and
what their health condition is.
Or at least you sanctimonious folks can.
"Can brains in a vat be that far off? I think not."
If they're cooked in HFCS and dusted with salt, Americans will
totally eat that.
Trollin' Trollin' Trollin'
Keep postin', postin', postin',
Though they're disapprovin',
Keep them trollies postin' Maw-wide!
Don't try to understand 'em,
Just emote and blow at random,
Soon we'll be getting high and laid.
Enjoy my hearty ad hominem
My statements all be dictum, be waiting at the end of my
tirade.
Move 'em on, head 'em up,
Head 'em up, move 'em out,
Move 'em on, head 'em out Maw-wide!
Set 'em out, post 'em in
Post 'em in, let 'em out,
Cut 'em out, post 'em in Maw-wide.
Trollin', Trollin', Trollin'
Trollin', Trollin', Trollin'
Trollin', Trollin', Trollin'
Trollin', Trollin', Trollin'
Maw-wide!
Dan,
Riding when you could walk is lazy, riding when you can't is
practical, whatever the distance. Besides, aren't you the same guy
who advocates regulating what restaurants may sell to strike a
balance between "health, liberty and security"?
Dan,
Riding when you could walk is lazy, riding when you can't is
practical, whatever the distance. Besides, aren't you the same guy
who advocates regulating what restaurants may sell to strike a
balance between "health, liberty and security"?
If they're cooked in HFCS and dusted with salt, Americans
will totally eat that.
joe, you win the award for best post of the day.
The Blues Brothers are the runners up.
The truth is once you get a certain size it is not "laziness".
Your lungs and heart just cannot take standing/walking for longer
periods of time. Even your feet cannot handle the weight.
And I also beg to differ on who uses these devises. They have been
a life saver for those with spine defects (such as my mother--who
is not overweight).
It has also been an improvement over the standard wheelchairs for
those people with chronic arthritis.
Larry A., that's why I used the word almost in the first
sentence. My second sentence was wrong - my bad.
Dan T., I'm actually starting to like you. That car analogy is
hilarious.
"The truth is once you get a certain size it is not "laziness".
Your lungs and heart just cannot take standing/walking for longer
periods of time. Even your feet cannot handle the weight."
Truth is that once you get to a certain size it is either because
you are mentally ill and have some kind of compulsive food
consumption or just don't give a shit anymore and are a fat lazy
slug. Either way you need help more than you need a scooter.
As far as people like your mother or with arthytis, they are
legitimately handicapped instead of fat and lazy and should not be
the subject of derision.
If all instances of riding on something should be judged the
same, then:
Sleeping with your own wife = good
Sleeping with Dan T.'s wife = just as good, according to his
logic
Hmmmmmmmmmm, sweet-and-sour live brains in a vat.
thoreau, covers are rarely as good as the originals.
Downward, that assumes that someone with as lame, inconsistent
and constant an argumentative style as Dan T. could even attract,
much less keep for any period, a spouse.
Check your premises.
Yeah, I was just desperate to find a way to post about sleeping
with DanT.'s girl. Pretty sophomoric, but felt good at the time. In
the future, I will refrain from such humor, and I won't play fast
and loose with the premises upon which my logic is deduced.
Did I say fast and loose? Like DanT.'s mom?
whasssaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Yeah, I was just desperate to find a way to post about sleeping
with DanT.'s girl. Pretty sophomoric, but felt good at the time. In
the future, I will refrain from such humor, and I won't play fast
and loose with the premises upon which my logic is deduced.
Did I say fast and loose? Like DanT.'s mom?
whasssaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Truth is that once you get to a certain size it is either
because you are mentally ill and have some kind of compulsive food
consumption or just don't give a shit anymore and are a fat lazy
slug.
I must admit that I prefer libertarians to conservatives.
You guys are judgmental as hell, but at least you don't pretend to
be compassionate.
How 'bout a racing series for them? Instead of racing for a checkered flag they race for the free samples in the back corner of the store. We have a standing start in the parking lot. The pile up at the door should be spectacular and once inside I'm thinking Blues Brothers in the mall type hilarity.
Free diet advice for all: once you've finished adolescence and have grown as tall as you'll ever be, it is no longer normal for you to outgrow your clothes every year. If size issues force you to replace your wardrobe more than twice, this is your body's way of telling you to put down the goddamned Twinkie and get some exercise.
I seem to recall a Seinfeld episode where George gets a scooter and fakes being handicapped. Maybe this is where they got the idea. I think he got found out when he picked the scooter up and ran with it.
When I go to Walmart, I often see a 300+ pounder. When I'm
riding my bike to work, I've never seen anybody who is 300+ pounds
walking to work, or walking to the bus, or walking to the store, or
just walking. There are plenty of obese people, but the mere act of
getting off your couch usually ensures that you aren't going to get
too fat. Especially as you pack on the pounds, you start burning a
lot more energy just to move yourself.
There are obviously people who need these scooters. But I don't
have a lot of sympathy for most of the really fat people who use
them. Sure, they may have problems getting around, but when they
get the handicap hang tag and go around the store in a scooter,
they are just making their problems even worse.
I'm glad the scooters are available for those who really need
them, but they are a little bit dorky and uncool.
Personally, I'd rather ride around in a sedan chair borne by a
squad of busty Amazons clad in sports bras and bicycle pants. Also,
this would create jobs.
PS: Whoever "Blues Brothers" is, I salute you.
Stevo,
All I know is that they are on a Mission from God. "Do you seeeeee
the light?" Hey!
I'm with Stevo on this one... I can just see myself,
occasionally shouting "Excorio mihi unam Twinkie!"
Not sure about the wardrobe choice for the Amazons, though... might
have to "customize" that aspect of it a bit.
That whole one-breasted Amazon thing was a myth. They had two.
If they had spoken Latin, you could always have said the following
to check: Monstra mihi tuum mammis.
It's not dirty if it's Latin :)
I remember seeing a Mad magazine bit from about 40 years ago
that predicted a proliferation of scooter use, followed by a stage
of evolution in which human legs would atrophy and asses swell
until we all look like punch-me dolls.
That reminds me of the other great Mad transportation invention,
the human hamster ball. Which, fortunately, does not result in
atrophy, but might result in a concussion if used near
stairs.
And I also beg to differ on who uses these devises. They have
been a life saver for those with spine defects (such as my
mother--who is not overweight).
I'll take this opportunity to point out that sometimes the
illnesses that lead people to use scooter chairs either cause
weight gain in themselves, or are treated with medications that
cause people to plump up or gain weight. My dad, who is normally
very trim (and does not use a scooter at all), suffered a bout of
severe pericarditis three years ago that brought on
congestive-heart-failure symptoms such as extreme water retention.
Normally an avid walker, he could not walk out to his own mailbox
without stopping for breath. He put on 50 lbs of water weight
within a few weeks and outgrew his clothes practically overnight. A
normally wiry cancer patient friend of mine is likewise
experiencing a lot of bloat from prescribed steroids. It's not
always a simple equation of "big fat slob = lack of dietary
self-control and exercise."
If they're cooked in HFCS and dusted with salt, Americans
will totally eat that.
Considering that I saw "Hannibal" not too long ago, your comment
succeeded in creeping me out.
And there's severe thyroid disease. But that's rarely the problem, since hypothyroidism is treatable.
I loved seeing the fat acceptance movement types picketing against "bigoted" government health standards a few years ago. The majority of them were on scooters as they could not bear their own weight.
Whenever I see the topic turn to excessive weight, it makes me
realize what a bunch of jerks you are---not just a few of you--but
the vast majority of you, and not simply collectively, but
individually and personally as well.
Lucky ones at that, because it would appear that the worst
suffering you have endured is having some unaesthetic flesh in your
line of sight, or, worse still, having to actually observe a
suspected lazy person on a scooter. Oh the humanity.
(Oh by the way--the guy on the scooter "who admits he uses his
scooter to get casino seats 'right in the mezzanine with the
handicapped people' " is actually 81 years old.--I am curious: is
he old and fat? Do ugly disgusting fat guys actually live to 81,
feeding on all the food that otherwise would be available for "the
children", elbowing their way into areas reserved for charming and
slender handicapped people who have earned their way there? I
mean--even if the guy had a stroke, it's probabkly his own fault,
right? And if he hadn't stuffed twinkies into his puffy face all
those yeasr, he wouldn't need that cart to support his big fat ass.
In any case, his ass hangs so low off the seat that it drags along
the ground as it is--he has to replace his tent---uh pants--every
month. hahahahahahaha. at taxpayers expense prollly. hahahahaha.
Wouldn't want him to have to cut in on his jellybean money.
hahahahahaha. )
It would seem that the one heroic thing that most of you have done
is to not gain weight...perhaps it is the only meaningful
accomplishment in your lives. This certainly seems to be the case
from the tenor of your words. You are a bunch of pietistic,
self-satisfied church ladies, never missing an opportunity to dance
your superiority dance.
Oh, BTW, if this makes me a troll, then I am one and proud of it. I
embrace my trollhood, especially insofar as it serves to
distinguish me from you, because you believe in your crap with such
certaintly that you are not worth the effort to persuade. You are
where you are forever. You people are truly pathetic.
"Riding on a scooter instead of walking = lazy"
"Riding in a car instead of walking = practical"
And riding your mom = fun!
wow, that was a great, heartfelt soliloquy. I too think the rhetoric has been turned up too high on this subject. I think something needs to be said. jimmyboy, I think I speak for everyone here when I say the following to you: Shut your pie-hole, fatso.
"Lucky ones at that, because it would appear that the worst
suffering you have endured is having some unaesthetic flesh in your
line of sight, or, worse still, having to actually observe a
suspected lazy person on a scooter. Oh the humanity."
What a load of crap that is. It is one thing to fight your weight.
Few people are lucky enough or have enough discipline to be an
ideal weight. But, if you allow yourself to get so fat that you
cannot walk anymore, any suffering involved in that is self
inflicted and I have no more sympathy for you than I do for someone
who manages to get themselves hooked on crack. To compare someone
eats themselves to 400 lbs with someone who though no actions or
fault of their own gets a horrible disease is just beneath
contempt. If there is a jerk here it is you.
wow, that was a great, heartfelt soliloquy. I too think the rhetoric has been turned up too high on this subject. I think something needs to be said. jimmyboy, I think I speak for everyone here when I say the following to you: Shut your pie-hole, fatso.
Well. I'm certainly sympathetic to individuals who get
themselves into any non-evil trouble, whether it's weight, drug
use, too much television, whatever, but I'm still comfortable
bemoaning what I see as deficiencies in our culture. Laziness and
failing to do something about ones problems is a little
distressing. Those labels can't be placed on everyone who has
serious weight issues, but I don't think anyone can seriously
contend that they don't apply to a great many of the (truly)
obese.
Also, I'm not aesthetically objecting to fat people. I'm truly
concerned that it's bad for them individually and bad for us as a
society. And I bet that's the view of most of the posters here. In
fact, I'm sure that all of us have someone that we care about that
has some personal problem that's ultimately his/her fault, but that
doesn't take away from the fact that we care and would do quite a
bit to help them out--even if they should've behaved differently,
once upon a time.
Obesity, like most "problems" people have is complicated. Its
causes are sundry and diverse (redundant?). Maybe its just real bad
depression that makes someone eat themselves to 500 pounds. Does
that make it less legit? When you see someone who is fat on the
street, how the hell do you know whats up?
Come on kids, we can be nicer than this.
Well. I'm certainly sympathetic to individuals who get
themselves into any non-evil trouble, whether it's weight, drug
use, too much television, whatever, but I'm still comfortable
bemoaning what I see as deficiencies in our culture. Laziness and
failing to do something about ones problems is a little
distressing. Those labels can't be placed on everyone who has
serious weight issues, but I don't think anyone can seriously
contend that they don't apply to a great many of the (truly)
obese.
Also, I'm not aesthetically objecting to fat people. I'm truly
concerned that it's bad for them individually and bad for us as a
society. And I bet that's the view of most of the posters here. In
fact, I'm sure that all of us have someone that we care about that
has some personal problem that's ultimately his/her fault, but that
doesn't take away from the fact that we care and would do quite a
bit to help them out--even if they should've behaved differently,
once upon a time.
Ok, but most people here seem to be purveying derision, not
sympathy. Also, "individually and as a society": the first is their
business, not yours, and the second doesn't even exist, at least
not for libertarians.
As far as "laziness . . .distressing" goes, you cannot possibly be
serious. Unless you are a nannystate-libertarian, of course.
Why exactly do people assume that being overweight is due to "laziness"? Especially when it's reported that Americans work harder and longer hours than our slimmer European counterparts.
neilpaul,
I'm not following your reasoning. I never said that the government
should do anything about people's behavior. All I said is that I
think obesity is a bad thing. People can go to hell in a hand
basket if they want to, but I can feel sorry for them and regret
their choices. And the effect those choices have on our society.
Just as I regret that so many people tolerate (mostly) unlimited
government, etc.
I also don't understand your statement that libertarians don't
recognize "society". That's simply not true. Most libertarian
literature talks about "limited" government not "no" government,
and the concept of "civil society", where people cooperate to
accomplish goals without government involvement or coercion, is
mentioned with approval quite often in the same sources.
"It would seem that the one heroic thing that most of you have
done is to not gain weight...perhaps it is the only meaningful
accomplishment in your lives. This certainly seems to be the case
from the tenor of your words. You are a bunch of pietistic,
self-satisfied church ladies, never missing an opportunity to dance
your superiority dance."
um. I've gained a ton of weight in the last three years, but the
rest of the description you portray holds. good call. I'd say that
the most meaningful thing I've done is lose the cup but then win it
back. Now THERE was glory!
And I'm probably a little taller than you, so there's another
differentiation point betwixt the two of us! And I'm not from
Buffalo. And I make a good Blunzngroestl. So besides my smugness,
there are a coupla differences.
Do you really go to D'Youville College? Wow. That one practically
writes itself. It'd be better in Philly, tho. D'Youze
Kolledge.
(signed)
VM, the corpulent Moose
I am consistent in that I have no sympathy for either group. That said, I think the pro fatties on this thread could make a good point in that many of the posters on this thread who see no problem with someone shooting meth or snorting coke to the point of it destroying their health are so quick to condem someone eating bon bons and krispy kreams until they can't walk anymore. In some ways, the morbidly obeese are just sensualists who have chosen to enjoy the blessings of food to excess and the alter states of consciousness associated with diabietes and food comas. Looked at that way, perhaps the libertarians here should be aplauding them.
my reasoning is as follows. Sure society exists, but bad things
happen to individuals, not to society as a whole. Thus fat people
by and large suffer for their fatness the most and the non-fat
amongst us suffer only our share of the above average costs (if
any) that that fat person manages to offload onto government and
insurance, etc. "Society" doesn't suffer since its not a concious
being only the individuals therin do.
I really don't see what horrors the obese are inflicting on us.
Higher health costs? Isn't that outweighed, so to speak, by lower
SS payments due to decreased life expectancy. Probably a rail thin
person who lives to 95 years old and spends the last 10 in a
nursing home with Alzheimers is the one who is really screwing
society.
I know many many freedom loving folks who reserve scorn only for
fat people. Invariably they try to bring morality into it in a way
that they would not if smoking cigaretts was the topic.
If you want to be prejudiced against these people, do it while you
still can. I just think people should just admit that fat people
turn them off aesthetically and not bring morality or social cost
into it, thats all.
As a former fat person (from 300 to 150--with no surgery and my
own program), people who have not lost a great deal of weight dont
know what they are talking about. Plain and simple.
People give more sympathy to drug addicts.
What business is it of anyone about who uses a skooter...as long as
you didnt pay for it. What happned to minding your own
business.
And btw, I eat more than what I used to, but what eat is
differant.
wow, neilpaul..wishing death on fat people so it lowers the cost of healthcare is a bit much. Yeah, sure, they ain't fun to look at, they smell a little bit, they breath too heavy on elevators and generally have a piss poor attitude because they are unbeleivably self conscience....but damn, I'm not mean enough to wish death like you.
People give more sympathy to drug addicts.
Or on libertarian blogs, addicts are generally free from
unsolicited advice about how to live their lives. The general
argument goes, "It's their life, they can fuck it up if they want
to."
But fat folks are magnets for advice: "Hey! Put down the Twinkie,
get off the couch, and take a walk!" As if this were some sort of
revelation.
Maybe it's because fatties are more massive than waifish druggies
that advice is drawn to them.
gnat,
in case you are serious,
not blaming people for driving up my costs through their behavior
and wishing death on them are not the same thing. Its close, but
not quite the same.
All I am saying is if these folks are not screwing me or "society"
through their behavior, then I am not going to spend all day
resenting them or their choices. And, if I don't like someones
looks, I'll say so. I mean, rather than pretend I have some moral
high ground to claim to justify my dislike.
A huge number of people are on disability because they are obese. They're jerks that screw society. Just like the drug addicts on disability. If you want to be fat or get high, do it on your own dime and I'll have no problem with it. Use the government to steal from the productive to subsidize your choices, you're an asshole, fat or thin.
My diet plan: go to the all you can eat buffet restaurant once
in a while (I prefer the Chinese variety). Observe the morbidly
obese personages waddling around carrying plates that have a mound
of food taller than the diameter of the plate. The really
impressive ones make several trips.
-poof- I am no longer hungry.
hope that helps
Jcavar, I think the differance is that in our society a habit is
acceptable IF NO ONE SEES IT. We are a society that bases our
opinions of people on the way they look.
If you are fat, then you are obviously lazy, dumb, and stupid. If
you are a drug addict or an alcholic, you are not--as long as you
LOOK ok on the outside. Because in our society the outside is what
matters.
And assuming that fat people are the drain on medicine is also not
accurate. When I lost weight, I went on a hike..and got Lyme
disease. I may be thin, but I am more of a drain now that ever
before. But you see, it is ok...because I LOOK healthy.
I recall the Mad magazine bit was about Americans who were going
to get fat by riding motorcycles even in their houses, and be
pushovers for the lean & hungry Soviets. Maybe it should be
changed to skinny Arabs.
Right now I'm in southern Taiwan, where people ride their scooters
everywhere, and while the people tend to be slimmer than
Americans, they are getting fatter. But it's probably diet as much
of lack of exercise.
The culprit is modern medicine. Without medical intervention, nature culls out the fat, lazy fucks. The real victim of progress is our species.
Come on kids, we can be nicer than this.
No we can't.
I rode one of these contraptions for the first time a few weeks
ago. Pulled muscle left me unable to walk, and I had a trade show
to cover. If you're someone like me, you'll find out very quickly
how to jigger things for more speed. And you'll find the various
handicapped ramps quite a blast.
When you come blaring down the aisles, people get out of your way.
Sweeeet. Why didn't I discover this YEARS ago?
I gained weight during years I got plenty of exercise in
training for rugby or bicycling. It's no panacea.
I've had weight loss during periods of anxiety. It's not worth
it.
...many of the posters on this thread who see no problem
with someone shooting meth or snorting coke...are so quick to
condem someone eating bon bons and krispy kreams until they can't
walk anymore...
People give more sympathy to drug addicts.
Maybe it's because fatties are more massive than waifish
druggies that advice is drawn to them.
Obese people are disgusting to (the bulk of) others. All the
similie-ing and metaphoring in the world's not going to change that
fact. There's probably a deep-seated reason for it available
through one of those sociobiology "just so stories": something like
obesity marked gluttons who took more than their fair share of the
(scarce) foodstuffs. Regardless, obesity isn't so much a health
crisis (is it even a health crisis?) as an aesthetic crisis: can we
really degenerate into giant, scooter-dependent naked mole
rats?
Last weekend I happened by a pod of Hutts departing the theater
after a showing of "[Anorexic] Pirates of the Carribean". Yuck and
yuck.
...many of the posters on this thread who see no problem
with someone shooting meth or snorting coke...are so quick to
condem someone eating bon bons and krispy kreams until they can't
walk anymore...
People give more sympathy to drug addicts.
Maybe it's because fatties are more massive than waifish
druggies that advice is drawn to them.
Obese people are disgusting to (the bulk of) others. All the
similie-ing and metaphoring in the world's not going to change that
fact. There's probably a deep-seated reason for it available
through one of those sociobiology "just so stories": something like
obesity marked gluttons who took more than their fair share of the
(scarce) foodstuffs. Regardless, obesity isn't so much a health
crisis (is it even a health crisis?) as an aesthetic crisis: can we
really degenerate into giant, scooter-dependent naked mole
rats?
Last weekend I happened by a pod of Hutts departing the theater
after a showing of "[Anorexic] Pirates of the Carribean". Yuck and
yuck.
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