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|12.19.05 @ 5:00PM|#
And a Joyous Yule to you Mike!
|12.19.05 @ 5:15PM|#
What I get out of it is that the evangelicals are so eager to claim "victimization" that they are actively and consciously attempting to provoke a backlash against their foolishness.
It's an old terrorist/guerrilla trick. Whether it's the KLA assassinating policemen or Hezbollah blowing up buses, the backlash is the objective. The evangelicals want to be laughed at in order to unify their base. And I am completely falling for it.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahah! You primitive FREAKS!
|12.19.05 @ 5:21PM|#
the problem is not the fact that santa comes into the country to work.
it's that he comes into the country ILLEGALLY!
he's changing our culture and i think the sight of a wall on our canadian border would be a great christmas present to all americans.
|12.19.05 @ 5:30PM|#
downstate-
No, what we need are anti-aircraft guns to keep him out of the country.
|12.19.05 @ 5:33PM|#
Santa is not bound by walls or physics, downstater. This is a man who have achieved faster than light travel with deer! He laughs at your wall.
|12.19.05 @ 5:41PM|#
or the children's sake, I certainly hope that every manner of communication between America and the real axis of North Pole-istan is monitored.
|12.19.05 @ 5:46PM|#
a dome then? look, all i know is that this neighborhood used to be really nice around christmas - all tasteful nativities and such. have you taken a ride through some of the neighborhoods that santa routinely finds work? they've gone to hell!
until he's not lured by the largesse of the taxpayers with their milk & cookie welfare, santa needs to stay at the pole and make his own country better!
did i mention that i'm 1/3 elf - 4th generation?
|12.19.05 @ 5:55PM|#
You know, I noticed a funny thing this December.
Over the past several years, it used to be that everyone at my workplace would (rather self-conciously and obviously) avoid referring to the religious nature of just about any holiday. They would say, "Happy Holidays!" instead of "Merry Christmas. They would say "Have a good holiday!" instead of, "Have a good Easter!" They would even say, "Have a happy holiday!" instead of "Have a good Thanksgiving!"
(I say "self-consciously and obviously" because people would often hesitate or stumble before saying "holiday.")
But this year, it seems like a lot more people have wished me an explicit "Merry Christmas!" I wonder -- are they a bunch of normally undemonstrative Christians who are reacting to this year's perceived "war on Christmas" by being more assertive about it than usual?
(However, I'm pretty sure the first person to wish me an explicit "Merry Christmas!" this year is Jewish, going by her name.)
(Or, it just occurred to me, maybe it's just her husband [and his name] who is Jewish.)
Taylor|12.19.05 @ 5:56PM|#
Ha! Santa and homeland security.
Garth|12.19.05 @ 6:25PM|#
Personally I have always been a bit concerned that he wears quite a bit of RED.... I bet those elves have a state-backed-union.
|12.19.05 @ 6:31PM|#
Why is no one talking about the Eschelon technology that was obviously derived from Santa's naughty/nice list? Did the NSA get a license, are they stealing Santa's IP or has the patent lapsed?
Taylor, are you implying that Santa is working with/for Homeboy Security? It would certainly answer a lot of questions.
|12.19.05 @ 7:18PM|#
Who cares?
Really, now - who gives a flying fuck whether or not we pay tribute to the Christ Child, Sol Invictus, Mithras or some other god we haven't heard about yet?
Let's just drink, make merry and be grateful we have people to do that with.
Merry Whatever, everyone!
|12.19.05 @ 7:18PM|#
The true meaning of Christmas is (evidently) the spectre of blog-infesting pseudo-comedians totally missing the point of the original post in a vain last (we could only) hope that someone, anyone, takes notice of their desperate if not drunken electronic scribblings. Ho ho ho, etc etc.
|12.19.05 @ 7:45PM|#
Merry fucking Christmas to you!
|12.19.05 @ 9:14PM|#
Jesse Walker,
Was that our Monday Fun Link? :)
|12.19.05 @ 9:34PM|#
read this in the movie trailer guy voice
In the War on Christmas, the battles are intense. In the balance lies people's feeling about how they are greeted at the store. Commerce could be boycotted and toes could be stepped on. Heroes are needed. The downtrodden majority looks to one man to rise above the fray to lead the sectarian charge. He is the sought after hero...
http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d129/diversesc/31fin.jpg
|12.19.05 @ 9:56PM|#
Remember:
KEEP THE X IN XMAS
|12.19.05 @ 10:04PM|#
Jesse's juxtaposed deconstruction of the Peanuts Christmas and Halloween specials is quite inspired... and provides a handy excuse to cite to the most inspired retelling of the Great Pumpkin tale ever, which truly reveals its dark, pre-Christian heart:
http://www.strangehorizons.com/2004/20041025/pumpkin-f.shtml
Jesse Walker|12.19.05 @ 10:57PM|#
Thank you, Umbriel. That was deeply hilarious.
bill|12.19.05 @ 11:38PM|#
Who won the war? Brian Boitano, of course.
Okay, Brian? Who would you help in a fight, Jesus or Santa Claus?
Kids...you shouldn't think of things like that. This is the one time of year when we all try to get along, no matter what we believe in. This is the season just to be good to each other. Bi-eee!
|12.20.05 @ 12:18AM|#
But this year, it seems like a lot more people have wished me an explicit "Merry Christmas!" I wonder -- are they a bunch of normally undemonstrative Christians who are reacting to this year's perceived "war on Christmas" by being more assertive about it than usual?
This is such b.s. I don't believe it for a minute. Typical stevocon rationalizations about cherry-picked observations based on a flawed and paranoid fantasy that began this bizarre, whacked out "War on Christmas" in the firt place.
Sorry Stevo. You're entertaining as hell - even when I disagree with you...which is just about...well...always. And most times, you at least make me think.
But I don't buy this nugget one iota. I don't think most folks are that self-concious about this crap. Some, certainly...but not a majority.
I think you're full on projecting this O'Reilly-induced fantasy on your poor unsuspecting co-workers. Or maybe they saw your "Rush is Right" bumper sticker and just didn't want to put up with your Fox News bullshit.
But anyway, Merry Christmas all the same.
|12.20.05 @ 1:17AM|#
Well somebody feels like a grinch!
|12.20.05 @ 1:40AM|#
"No, what we need are anti-aircraft guns to keep him out of the country."
That shouldn't be to hard. NORAD already tracks him.
noradsanta.com
|12.20.05 @ 1:55AM|#
Wow, madpad -- talk about "projecting." If you think I'm a Rush/O'Reilly rightie, you have gotta live somewhere far to the deep-infrared left of U. Cal. Berkeley.
But you mean no harm or insult, so Merry GaiaFest to you also, or whatever they celebrate way over yonder. :)
I report what I've observed. Admittedly, my immediate co-workers may be more conscious of the "happy holidays" thing than most people, because in most of the years past we've been in charge of creating the "holiday gift" that our company sends to clients, coincidentally, about this time each year. And we're always very careful to say "happy holidays" or "seasons greetings" without referencing any specific holiday, per direction from the higher-ups and our own desire to be all-inclusive. There's also a lot of PC-ness in our work.
|12.20.05 @ 9:39AM|#
Walker is usually my favorite writer on this site, but as with so many other glib articles pooh-poohing the Christmas controversy, his piece completely misses the point. The use of "Happy Holidays" by cashiers is but one example, and the least offensive one, of an allergy to the word "Christmas" that has developed at all levels of the government, media, schools, and business world over the last five to ten years. When one TV ad I have seen sings "We wish you a happy holiday" to the tune of "We Wish You a Merry Christmas," and another begins a parody of the Twelve Days of Christmas with "On the first day of THE SEASON my true love gave to me," there is clearly a hard-core attempt at cultural scrubbing going on. The silliest example I have seen: The other day a TV reporter who was reporting on a charity drive said the drive ran "through the holiday," by which, of course, she meant "through Christmas." I doubt if this seemingly pleasant young reporter was motivated by any animus toward Christmas (after all, she could have really skirted the issue by saying "through December 25"), but she was just programmed to say "holiday" instead of "Christmas" for fear of somehow offending the great god of political correctness. Think of it as the liberal equivalent of Fox News's compulsion to substitute "homicide bombers" where normal people would say "suicide bombers." Both are ideological perversions of language. If you can't say "Christmas" to honor God, do it to preserve your mother tongue.
P.S. I agree with Umbriel that Walker's Great Pumpkin but was "inspired," and the piece Umbriel linked to even more so.
|12.20.05 @ 9:41AM|#
Of course, I meant "bit," not "but." Good grief!
|12.20.05 @ 9:46AM|#
Thanksgiving is religious?
|12.20.05 @ 9:49AM|#
When one TV ad I have seen sings "We wish you a happy holiday" to the tune of "We Wish You a Merry Christmas," and another begins a parody of the Twelve Days of Christmas with "On the first day of THE SEASON my true love gave to me,
Sure, this is a plot. But I don't think it's an anti-Christmas plot; it's a plot for stores to get as much money from as many customers as they can. And since there are a lot of non-Christians in this country whose money spends as well as anybody else's, the stores want to avoid offending them.
The purpose of a church is to spread religion. The purpose of a store is to make money. Why do so many people insist on confusing the two?
|12.20.05 @ 9:51AM|#
One last thing: I think the most annoying thing about the "holiday" phenomenon is that it is so unncessary. I may be wrong, but it seems to me that is rare to find a Jew, or even an atheist, who is genuinely offended by public use of the word "Christmas." The use of "holiday" is placating a phantom.
fyodor|12.20.05 @ 10:04AM|#
Stevo,
Regarding the phenomenon you've observed, my take on it is somewhat different. It's not that these people are asserting their Christianness, it's that they're SCARED of being TOO P.C., just as they were formerlly scared of being not P.C. enough!!! Most middle Americans are scared of doing the wrong thing. Which either makes them endearing or pathetic depending on your POV. But regardless of how one paints it, that's what they're about. They used to think the least offensive thing they could do was to be euphemistic about holidays and never say them explicity. NOW, the War On Christmas people have got them convinced they're being MORE OFFENSIVE by being euphemistic, and so they are in effect whitewashing their euphemisms by naming the actual holiday. The fact that a Jewish person participated in this only reinforces my interpretation. He fears that saying anything other than Merry Christmas would be interpreted as waging war on Christmas, and he does not want to be interpreted that way. And who can blame him?
None of this has been scientifically studied in a double-blind test, but I still think I'm right.
|12.20.05 @ 10:17AM|#
The purpose of a church is to spread religion. The purpose of a store is to make money. Why do so many people insist on confusing the two?
Those who confuse the two think everything(TV, Business, Movies, Athletes, Entertainers, Politicians) should promote, or act in accordance with, religion. Their religion.
Frankly, I don't care what a store calls their sale, so long as I get what I want for less.
fyodor|12.20.05 @ 10:19AM|#
James Kabala,
Interesting observation. And definitely true for the majority. I think there's a minority of people who do take offense, mainly because they either feel that they are being left out or that one is making assumptions about them.
True story. I think I first became aware of this quasi-controversy when I started this job 8 years ago and my new boss, a kindly old gent, told me, after confirming that I was Jewish, that he hoped he wouldn't be offending me if he accidently let "Merry Christmas" slip out sometime. I told him I would never even have thought to be offended. Then I told this story to two hipster friends, one who was beginning to fashion herself a neo-pagan and the other who's a very secular and generally left-leaning curmudgeon and misanthrope. BOTH expressed the sentiment of: "Yeah!! Why do those Christians get to say 'Merry Christmas' like we're supposed to all go along with that!!!" They both interjected this reaction BEFORE I could get to the part where I couldn't imagine taking offense. I was telling the story to say, "Can you imagine they thought I'd take offense?" But it turned out that they thought I was telling the story for the OPPOSITE reason and were agreeing with me before I got to the part that demonstrated otherwise. Now in a sense, I can understand their feelings. They have no interest, zero, zilcho, in all things Christian or Christmas. Yet they feel subjected to all the Christmas bru-ha-ha during much of their waking life during this time of year. And people who say "Merry Christmas" seem to be saying that we are all into and respect and love the bru-ha-ha and we all think alike on this. So I don't blame them entirely for being annoyed. But at the same time...well, since everyone here probably agrees with me on this part I won't expend time and energy to explain it. Suffice to say I think they needn't let it bother them so. But anyway, it's a true story, FWIW....
Jesse Walker|12.20.05 @ 10:29AM|#
Small world department: I just realized that I know the wife of the guy who wrote that "Great Old Pumpkin" story.
James: I think it's silly and P.C. to be offended by references to Christmas, and I think it's silly and P.C. to be offended by references to "the holidays." But the second group is more P.C., because they're the ones turning the topic into an identity-politics crusade. (And yes, it's not just store clerks, but they're the emblem of the issue. You don't see people threatening to boycott your local TV station because the reporter said "the holiday.")
At any rate, my point -- to the extent that my article had one -- still stands: If this is where Christians draw a line in the sand, they've already surrendered.
|12.20.05 @ 11:29AM|#
Very nice article, Jesse. It was a fun read.
V "twisted twelve" M|12.20.05 @ 11:30AM|#
Jesse: most charitable of you to let that "protect the mother tongue" bullshit lie. you, sir, are a knight, a gentleman, a head waiter, a bounty hunter, and a really great polka dancer!
and great posts, as usual :)
|12.20.05 @ 12:26PM|#
It's not that these people are asserting their Christianness, it's that they're SCARED of being TOO P.C., just as they were formerlly scared of being not P.C. enough!!!
Fyodor, I think you've hit the nail on the head. I've been wondering about this and trying to articulate something similar for a while. Thanks.
|12.20.05 @ 12:32PM|#
I think linguist and fyodor may be on to something. People are just trying to figure out what's acceptable, and so they over compensate. Sometimes that means going to absurd lengths to avoid the word "Christmas", other times it means using it emphatically.
I say we all just chill out, air some grievances and display our strength and December 23, and going into Christmas Eve and Christmas Day relaxed and ready to celebrate.
|12.20.05 @ 1:54PM|#
V "Twisted twelve" M: The line about the mother tongue was semi-tongue in cheek. Seriously, though, I have more respect for those who would want to abolish Christmas as a holiday than for those who enjoy the day off, and often the parties and presents as well, but refuse to call the day by its name.
Jennifer: I understand what you're saying, but when a store has sections labeled "Hanukkah," "Kwaanza," [a pseudo-holiday] and "Holiday," as Wal-mart did in the display that started that Bill Donahue brouhaha, that's more than mere inclusion; that's avoiding the word "Christmas" for no reason.
Jesse Walker: Actually, unless I'm out of it, calls for boycotts have been few and far between. Even noted blowhard Bill O'Reilly has explicitly disavowed talk of boycotts, and fellow blowhard Bill Donahue of Catholic League fame boycotted Wal-mart, and no other store, because of a bizarre, rambling e-mail one of their customer service people sent him, not because of their use of "holiday." When Wal-mart apologized for the e-mail, the boycott ended, even though Wal-Mart said they would continue to use "holiday" in place of Christmas. There may be boycotts on the fringes, but I don't know of any led by mainstream figures. Please correct me if I am wrong.
Fyodor probably has the best handle on the situation.
Jesse Walker|12.20.05 @ 1:58PM|#
The main boycott target was ... Target. This was partly motivated by the hubbub over Salvation Army Santas, but as you can see, that wasn't the central dispute.
|12.20.05 @ 2:05PM|#
Jennifer: I understand what you're saying, but when a store has sections labeled "Hanukkah," "Kwaanza," [a pseudo-holiday] and "Holiday," as Wal-mart did in the display that started that Bill Donahue brouhaha, that's more than mere inclusion; that's avoiding the word "Christmas" for no reason.
Yes, even my atheist self thinks that sounds a bit silly, but seriously, guys--if that's the worst oppression you have to complain about, then your life is pretty sweet. It's like a 60-year-old feminist who suffers no actual gender discrimination, so instead she spends all her time griping that men think 20-year-old Sweet Young Things are more sexually desirable than her geriatric self.
I'd've thought Christians would be happy, now that their holiday is becoming less commercialized, or at least not being used to increase the profits of store owners, many of whom are unbelievers.
And think of this: using "holiday" to replace "Christmas" could actually be viewed as a sign of Christian supremacy--the idea that Christmas is so ubiquitous that all you have to say is "holiday" and everyone will know what you mean.
Do y'all need Wal-Mart saying "Merry Christmas," for fear that otherwise you might forget why this time of year is special?
Jesse Walker|12.20.05 @ 2:06PM|#
While the Wal-Mart conflict had convoluted origins, it was certainly tied up with the Christmas/holiday brouhaha. That weird e-mail never would have been sent if it weren't for the "Merry Christmas" issue, and the boycott idea never would have gotten traction if it weren't for this idea that the store is somehow discriminating against Christmas.
(Read this:
http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=47330
...and you'll see what I mean. I don't defend Wal-Mart's use of "Holiday" as a substitute for "Christmas," but that's at best worth a chuckle, not a crusade.)
|12.20.05 @ 3:20PM|#
All right stevo...I'll go with you in this.
fyodor's post lent some perspective that maybe I had not considered. And I am flat surprised that anyone is that worked up about the issue ouside of a church ...although my conservative, 'bill o'reilly-watching', 'hasn't-been-to-church-in-30-years' brother always gets worked up over it but I figured it was just him being, well...him.
I'm doing cooking demonstrations on the weekends at a local retail cooking store for some holiday cash. We've been instructed to answer the phone "Happy Holidays." Most folks - customers and sales associates - say whatever pops out of their mouths. "Merry Christmas", "Happy Holidays", "Have a good holiday" and such.
As conservative as the city in which I live is, I haven't heard one single row about it from any customer.
fyodor|12.20.05 @ 4:23PM|#
V "Twisted twelve" M: The line about the mother tongue was semi-tongue in cheek. Seriously, though, I have more respect for those who would want to abolish Christmas as a holiday than for those who enjoy the day off, and often the parties and presents as well, but refuse to call the day by its name.
That's just stupid AND ignorant. Things change. Societies change, customs change, and, yes, names change. By many accounts (I won't be as presumptuous as to suggest this as fact as the ignorantly trendy are wont to do; still it has enough of a ring of truth to be presented as a likelihood), the modern celebration of Christmas itself owes more than a little to pagan customs that long preceded Christianity. So if some people wanna keep the fun traditions they've grown to love but wanna dump the religious connotations that have been associated with them, SO FRICKEN WHAT??? Where the hell do YOU get off dissin' these folks?? Okay, it's your opinion and you have a right to express it. And so do I. And my opinion is that your opinion that there's something disengenuous or cowardly about these folks (as you seem to be implying) is simply stupid AND ignorant. Pthfffft!
fyodor|12.20.05 @ 4:28PM|#
Fyodor probably has the best handle on the situation.
It embarrasses me to have insulted someone who, upon further reading, turns out to have complimented me. But oh well, maybe it's good that I didn't get to that part before mouthing off or I might have been less inclined to speak my mind so forecefully. For better or worse. Hopefully my raspberry at the end helps demonstrate that even when I'm outraged, I generally don't take even my own outrage too seriously!!
fyodor|12.20.05 @ 4:45PM|#
James Kabala,
I was further pondering the paradox of your having said something that set me off and then finishing with saying that I had the best handle on it, and I hit upon the possible resolution that perhaps when I said that Americans' desire to be inoffensive was either endearing or pathetic depending on how one views such things, perhaps you agree but merely chose the latter!!
Thoreau seems to have agreed as well but chosen the former!
Ah, I am like the Buddha, one can take my divinations in almost any direction one chooses!! :-) Yes, :-)
|12.20.05 @ 7:29PM|#
The true winners are the ninety-some percent of us who have a life...
dhex|12.20.05 @ 7:53PM|#
""Kwaanza," [a pseudo-holiday]"
this is where you lose me. the difference between a holiday and a pseudo-holiday is one of age.
|12.21.05 @ 1:35AM|#
"But I don't think it's an anti-Christmas plot; it's a plot for stores to get as much money from as many customers as they can."
As if Christmas sales do not attract shoppers of all faiths...
"And since there are a lot of non-Christians in this country whose money spends as well as anybody else's, the stores want to avoid offending them."
They're offended by "Merry Christmas" but are more then willing to take full advantage of the Christmas price reductions. Maybe they should be exluded from getting the discounts. Now that would offend them!!
How's this for a solution: if you say "Merry Christmas" you can get an extra 10% off the already reduced price.
fyodor|12.21.05 @ 10:06AM|#
How's this for a solution: if you say "Merry Christmas" you can get an extra 10% off the already reduced price.
I'll look for that at my neighborhood passingthru Superstore.
|12.21.05 @ 10:52AM|#
""Kwaanza," [a pseudo-holiday]"
this is where you lose me. the difference between a holiday and a pseudo-holiday is one of age.
True enough! In a few hundred years, when Kwaanza is celebrated throughout the world, people will debate Kwaanza's origins in the evil Western Judeo-Christian empire. "War on Kwaanza" will begin when people assert their right to sing Jingle Bells on the high holy day.
|12.21.05 @ 11:15AM|#
How's this for a solution: if you say "Merry Christmas" you can get an extra 10% off the already reduced price.
How do the stores stand to gain anything from that?
There was a recent brouhaha with Ford Motors; they took out ads in gay newspapers, which made the Family Values crowd go bugshit. So Ford had to make a decision: do they want to attract the customers who are either gay or at least not anti-gay, or do they want to attract the customers who think that hating gay people is a virtue? Ford ultimately made what I think was the right choice, and kept the ads in the gay publications.
And I guess now, thanks again to the Family Values crowd, retail stores have to make a similar decision: do they want to attract a wide variety of shoppers, or do they want to cater to the folks who apparently view "Merry Christmas" as a synonym for "Fuck you, asshole, let me rub my religion in your face?" and "Happy Holidays" as a synonym for "Let's piss on Christianity and rub salt in the Saviour's wounds"?
I haven't set foot in a Wal-Mart in years, but I may just buy something from them tonight, to help make up some of the Fundie Commerce they lost over "Happy Holidays."
|12.21.05 @ 11:54AM|#
Jennifer-
You have complained about the way that Wal-Mart treats its workers. Are you now placing a higher priority on ticking off religious fundamentalists?
|12.21.05 @ 12:08PM|#
You have complained about the way that Wal-Mart treats its workers. Are you now placing a higher priority on ticking off religious fundamentalists?
No, I just figure that if Falwell-types hate them they can't be all bad. Besides, I said I may buy something from them. I didn't say I would for sure.
|12.22.05 @ 10:58AM|#
Why does Wal-Mart hate baby Jesus?