Matt Welch | October 19, 2005
The awful Church of Scientology (which sends my house two or three of the most indecipherable space-monster pamphlets a week, thinking wrongly that some defector named "Larry" still lives here), is threatening a trademark-infringement lawsuit against a New Zealand parody site called www.ScienTOMogy.info, which, as you might imagine, takes the piss out of Tom Cruise's pimping for the clam-hating cult. Buried near the bottom of the L.A. Times story is this bit of news about www.truthaboutscientology.com publisher Kristi Wachter, who successfully fought off similar threats four years ago:
a few weeks ago, [Wachter] said, her Web host was forced to temporarily remove more than 600 pages from her site after Scientology lawyers accused her of copyright infringement under the Digital Millennium Act.
Link via L.A. Observed.
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The only thing worse than a Scientologist is an Objectivist. At least scientologists aren't giving people who believe in "free minds and free markets" like myself a bad name.
The awful Church of Scientology (which sends my house two or
three of the most indecipherable space-monster pamphlets a week,
thinking wrongly that some defector named "Larry" still lives
here),
Oh, whatever, Larry. We know you're writing for Reason Magazine
now. And we're still watching you.
there ought to be an aspect of being legally qualified as a "religion" that you can't sue people for copyright infringement for the use of your name. imagine sects of christianity suing each other for having the gall to call themselves Christian.
One of your friends in a drunken stupor may have found it amusing to send them your address. I used to call the Rev. Ike show and give them all my friend's addresses back in the eighties. Of course, the stuff you got from Rev. Ike was always great. I held on to my "Blessings" shower cap for years.
I held on to my "Blessings" shower cap for years.
mk,
Held on to it? Why, you wore it to the Ireland's Four Courts the
other night, didn't you? You looked mighty dapper. If only you had
stayed for the photos.
imagine sects of christianity suing each other for having
the gall to call themselves Christian
I was going to that you shouldn't give them ideas, but then I
thought, would I mind this so very much?
I was going to that you shouldn't give them ideas, but then
I thought, would I mind this so very much?
i certainly wouldn't mind, if they promised to outsource the whole
thing to some other country's court system. it sounds like just the
thing for the UK.
Tom Cruise's pimping for the clam-hating cult
Tom Cruise a member of a clam-hating cult. Go figure.
You are totally Fair Game now, Welch. You'll have the Sea Org so far up your ass you'll be shitting salt water.
As most H&R regulars know, I'm not a fan of organized
religion and Scientology--assuming you concede that it is a
religion--is no exception. However, I'll give the mainstream faiths
on thing, they're usually pretty open about who they are and what
they stand for. You don't need to pay your local minister to find
out about JEEZ-us. Hell, he won't shut up about him.
Now, how much do you have to pay to be told about Xenu, the
Thetens, the DC-8 space planes, the volcanoes, the H-Bombs, the 3-D
movie theaters, and all the rest of the OTIII document silliness?
OK, I just did for nothing, but does the average sucker know when
they're putting out a second or third mortgage on their house just
to learn from the "experts?" Obviously not.
Do Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Kirstie Alley, and all the other
celebrity Scientologists know the utter goofiness they're pushing?
Do they know the damage they're doing to the mentally ill when they
tell them to "just take vitamins and exercise?" rather than seek
actually psychological/psychiatric help? I wonder; do they really
believe, or do they get a cut?
Funny this thread is up here today. I just met a
regionally-prominent member of another cult this morning.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adi_Da
The mormons are a close second, both in terms of wierdness and
secrecy about the wierdness until you've been indoctrinated for a
while.
nmg
Do Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Kirstie Alley, and all the
other celebrity Scientologists know the utter goofiness they're
pushing?
Look what these folks do for a living. The goofiness level of
Scientology is probably just background noise in
comparison...
Hubbard was pretty clever, really, to target celebrities as
spokespersons for his religion. And no, I don't believe the celebs
have to pay all of the $$$ or deal with the ritual humiliations.
That's left for the plebs.
Akira,
I think having zombies over to mow your lawn for nothing and free
drinks at the celebrity center counts as a "cut".
Oh, and the reason all this sc-fi stuff sounds like nonsense is
that you are not free of the body thetans. If you were "clear" you
would see the truth in it all.
It's so simple. You shouldn't be glib..
Akira, i think they really do believe it all. one of the
functions of spending ridiculous amounts of money to have "secrets"
revealed to you is that, by the time you actually do hear these
"secrets", you have to believe them, because damn it, you
couldn't possibly have spent all that money on nothing.
these actors might be getting a cut of the Church's profits for
being spokesmen in some official capacity; but i think that, if
they were directly being paid with the understanding that they're
lying, they would take much more care to keep themselves from
looking like idiots otherwise (i.e. jumping on couches, etc.).
You know, it's enough to make you think that the whole "if you want to make a million dollars, start a religion" story really did happen. I wouldn't put it past Hubbard given how he took Jack Parsons to the cleaners.
I'll second that nmg.
THeir secrecy in letting you in on the foundation truths is also
comparable in that those truths are both so obviously ridiculous to
those who are not already invested believers (as zach pointed
out).
The difference that I have found is that there is a pretty wide
range of zealousness amongst the mormons, from beer-drinking,
club-going bisexuals who do their missionary work anyway, to
outright polygamist fundamentalists. Scientologists seem to be much
more of a all-or-nothing group.
I assumed Hubbard started Scientology to both make himself rich
and to beat ol' Crowley at his own game by creating a money-making
goofball religion that actually worked, since it all began more or
less around the time of his falling out with the poor chumps in
Parsons' OTO lodge. Hubbard certainly got the last laugh in that
regard.
I welcome the coming religious wars between the Scientologists and
the Kabbalists for the souls of the Hollywood elite. I don't know
how mystical water will stand up against space jets, though.
I, personally, await the coming of Galactus.
Or Cthulhu.
Whoever gets here first, they have my devotion.
Pastafarian -
I enjoyed your cooking many times at Dead shows. Your food went
very well with Samuel Smith's Nut Brown Ale.
There were many zombies at the shows, but I do not believe they
were under the influence of Scientology. There were much more
powerful forces at work.
Isn't the Crowley/OTO --- Hubbard/Scientology [analogy] a
little unfair to Crowley?
I think it's an apt simile given how both played upon the
zeitgeist to acquire followers. At OTO, Crowley played
upon the relapse of interest in spiritualism and frustration with
Victorian morality while Hubbard used the space age to bag his
prey.
Yeah, but I think Hubbard qualifies as a charlatan whereas I
think Crowley was just wierd. I think Crowley for the most part
believed the wierdness he espoused.
Plus the OTO never tried to whack the mayor of Clearwater
Florida.
the OTO was never that expensive.
the scientology/kaballah center method is certainly far more
lucrative. they take the guru game to a whole new level - or nearly
papal proportions - of cash and prizes.
I will say this for the Scienos. Dowtown Clearwater was dead
before they came along.
An interesting aside. My buddy in highschool lived a couple of
blocks away from the Scientolgy Center on Ft. Harrison in
Clearwater. He lived in a nieghborhood full of nice homes. His
parents were in the process of selling theirs. One night he comes
home after usual Clearwater night out high and a little drunk only
to find a pre Pulp Fiction Travolta sitting on his front
porch. We're taliking Look Who's Talking Travolta. My
buddy ends up showing Travolta his house in the middle of the night
while his parent slept upstairs. The nest mornig his parents,
knowing what a pot head he is, don't believe a word of it. Ok not
that interesting of a story. But the image of my baked buddy
showing a still washed-up Travolta around his house in the middle
of the night cracks me up.
Also - Lisa Marie had her kid in the house next door to him.
I love Clearwater. Everything the Scienos don't own is owned by
pro-wrestlers.
Everything the Scienos don't own is owned by
pro-wrestlers.
And Hollywood Hulk Hogan takes Tom Cruise to the top rope... BODY
SLAM!
I'm tellin' ya McMann, in all my years ringside, I have never seen
such a heinous--yet satisfying--act of brutality!
I learned a long time ago to never trust a man who uses a first initial and a middle name (e.g. L. Ron Hubbard, G. Gordon Liddy, E. Howard Hunt, F. Scott Fitzgerald, F. Lee Bailey.)
And Hollywood Hulk Hogan takes Tom Cruise to the top rope...
BODY SLAM!
Hogan's flexing for the crowd - But wait! Who's that running to
ringside? It's Katie Holmes! She's distracting the Hulkster! Cruise
is back up! He's got a chair! Right to Hogan's head! He's wearing
the crimson mask! Cruise with his patented Theatan Buster in the
corner! Hogan is Dazed! Hogan is down! Oh no! Cruise has applied
the Level 5 Leg Lock! Hogan is helpless! Hogan's forced to tap
out!
Tom Cruise has Personally! Personally! Forced Hollywood Hulk Hogan
to submit!
Krazy Katie has brought Cruise the mic what's he got to say! we
don't need to hear from him! He's despicable!
"To beat a Level 5 - You've got to be a level 5!
Whoooooooooooo!"
Scientology lawyers accused her of copyright infringement
under the Digital Millennium Act
Ahh, the DMCA: a gift that keeps on giving.
NoStar:
How about K. Eric Drexler, or L. Neil Smith?
OK, that last one may not have been a good example.
Funniest comment of the day goes to ralphus at October 19, 2005 01:05 PM
My Italics went craaazy.
Why you always-a gotta blame-a us because-a you cannot-a
type-a, aaah? Is-a no fair!
I learned a long time ago to never trust a man who uses a
first initial and a middle name (e.g. L. Ron Hubbard, G. Gordon
Liddy, E. Howard Hunt, F. Scott Fitzgerald, F. Lee
Bailey.)
What about someone who uses only a couple initials and a last
name?
At least they're not as bad as the Movementarians. Talk
about a shady bunch.
HA!
One of my ex-girlfriends is a member of the Ba'hai faith. It's
harmless in that "we want everyone to get along and are accepting
of all" kind of way.
Which to my mind makes it annoying. I mean, the most fun part of a
religion is that you get to exclude people you don't like.
Oh, and too many damn paranthesis. First time I read about it on
the web, I thought it was made up by a bunch of Star Trek fans
going for that whole Klingon ethos.
Well, the movementarians considered Homer to have the most powerful mind they had ever encountered, so obviously they had some problems from the beginning... given the recruiting grounds for scientology, probably not so much an issue for them.
I never really thought Crowley believed much of what he wrote --
at least in terms of rituals and such. But people need a show. And
much of the OTO did seem to center very much around sending Crowley
money. Hubbard just had the sense to charge more and keep the
hippies out.
Now that crazy lady who started the Unarius movement -- now she
BELIEVED. Maybe she, Hubbard, LaVey, and Crowley can all one day
return from their various magical planets and planes and create the
one true super-religion that unites us all and finally pushes us
into the predicted era in which we all wear metallic-colored tunics
and live in geodesic domes.
Speaking of scientology, my crackpot theory, arrived at while
vacationing at the beach, is that those "Dippin' Dots" stores are
really a front for some sort of scientologist outfit. I never see
anyone eat that stuff, and there's never anyone in the stores
besides one bored employee. But they've got half the building
cordoned off behind a wall. Who knows what's going on back
there?
Plus, there are 2 or 3 of them in tourist areas, each with zero
traffic in them. Plus all that 'ice cream of the future!' stuff
they spout. Seems fishy to me....
I've eaten Dippin' Dots, at an Arena football game in Hawaii,
they're tasty... DIE HIGHWAY WORTHLESS HERETIC I'm
not sure what your question is about ? So stop asking.
I'm waiting for L. Ron Hubbard to join Jimmy Swaggart and Crowley
by having what's left of Ozzy Osbourne write a song about him. I'm
also waiting for Jimmy Page to buy one of Hubbard's old houses.
"I never really thought Crowley believed much of what he wrote
-- at least in terms of rituals and such."
Why do you say that?
and finally pushes us into the predicted era in which we all
wear metallic-colored tunics and live in geodesic domes.
Will there be moon boots?
Although I do agree that Scientologists are cretins and am proud
to be an anti-Hubbardite what's with the anti-Mormonism?
Their scriptures and rituals are no more ridiculous than others and
all the ones I've met are genuinely nice people in the way
Christians would be if they actually emulated Christ.
I've met are genuinely nice people in the way Christians
would be if they actually emulated Christ.
Don't fall for it. Behind that Osmond Family Christmas facade burns
the same irrational, mindless, zealotry that fuels all organzied
religion. In public, it's church picnics and prayer groups. In
private, it's pipe bombs sent to abortion clinics and gay night
clubs.
I've known thousands of Mormons and didn't know anyone who would do those things. Some have the same pitfalls as a lot of religious people (i.e. self-righteousness, hypocrisy, etc.) but those types are generally disliked by other Mormons. No one's perfect, but at least most of them try to be good people....
According to a Mormon acquaintance of mine, the Mormon church
teaches that if you're extra-special virtuous and committed to the
church in life, you get to spend the afterlife on your own planet.
If so, maybe they have more in common with Thelema and Scientology
than it seems.
I don't get what's so rewarding about having your own planet for
eternity. I don't think I'd want to spend eternity alone. Plain old
heaven sounds more appealing. One could come into contact with all
sorts up there.
Can you trust R. Lee Ermy?
A drill instructor and part time actor?
What do you think? As for me, I regard him with suspicion.
The mormons have just as may crazy sci-fi hokey beliefs. And
they tend to hide them from neophytes, just like Scientology does.
The scriptures and rituals *are* more ridiculous than more
mainstream versions of christianity.
They're perfectly decent people and I didn't say otherwise. Their
beliefs are extra-wierd and they gloss over them like Scientology
does. That's all.
nmg
Mormons are as wierd as Scientologists, Exhibit A:
they have a "second tier" membership that allows you to attend the
secret inner temple rituals. Only members who have paid the 10%
tithgin on their income for a year are granted this status, called
"temple worthy"
There's a reason they hold off these secret temple rituals for a
year. They are bizarre and some members freak out. The rituals
include the famed baptisms for the dead that have offended vocal
jews who found out their ancesotrs were being baptised by proxy in
mormon temples for the mormon god(s).
nmg
Exhibit B: you must pay tithing to get to heaven.
Most versions of christianity have abandoned the "you must pay us
cash to get into heaven" approach but not the mormons. They are
mercenary about it. I've read that the Scientologists also require
pecuniary commitment to be promised a successful afterlife.
nmg
Point of correction about the Mormons: you don't have to pay to
get into heaven. In fact, the Mormons are much nicer than the
Baptists or Catholics in terms of heaven's gate policy.
In the Mormon afterlife, there's actually three levels of Heaven,
the highest one being the place where you get your own planet. And
you can get in the highest level without paying a dime or ever
following the beliefs in life. Thats the point of Baptism of the
Dead. If a good mormon on earth gets baptised in your name, then
you get a promotion in the afterlife.
But almost everyone can get into the two lower levels of heaven and
are not punished for their beliefs on earth. Contrast with the
Baptists who will gleefully send you to hell if you're not
'saved'.
You apparently have to be pretty bad to get sent to Hell on a
permanent basis. Thats one way their afterlife somewhat resembles
Buddhist belief. People are expected to evolve into something
greater and are not stuck with their current situation.
So make sure your name gets added to their list and you'll have an
insurance policy for free.
CS,
I went to an elementary school in Ogden for a year. I figure I must
be on one of their lists.
As a Recovering Mormon (clean 12+ years), I'll rebut "CS".
There are indeed three levels of Heaven according to LDS
doctrine.
But you don't qualify for the highest level (Celestial Kingdom)
unless you are Temple-worthy, which means full tither payer for
starters.
Other criteria include periodic intensive interviews from local and
regional leadership to determine if you are maintaining sexual
chastity (sex within marriage only, or complete sexual abstinence
if unmarried); drug-free (including tobacco, alcohol and caffeine);
and publicly acknowledge without reservation that God's direct
conduit to humankind is represented by the church Prophet in Salt
Lake along with the (literal) Twelve Apostles and other General
Authorities (third tier management).
Side note to above references about sexual chastity - The Celestial
Kingdom is not open to unmarried females, regardless of their
meeting other qualifications. Further, all marriages (for males or
females) must be ordained in a clandestine Temple marriage ceremony
which may only be attended by other Temple-worthy LDS.
One of the strongest recruiting hooks of the Mormon church is
"Families Are Forever" which teaches that families may spend
eternity together.
IF each of them are temple-worthy and faithful per the above
requirements and IF any husband-wife combos are both faithful and
temple worthy members.
Any non-temple worthy family members will be forever separated from
other family members who qualify for the LDS Golden Ticket.
Are Mormons OK people? Yep, for the most part in my experience, as
are most of the Scientologists I've met and done business with
during my eight years here in Clearwater.
But make no mistake about the doctrines they teach. Caveat
emptor.
Well, as far as I know, the Mormons have never persecuted Jews
so they're way ahead of most of the other goyim.
To paraphrase Ali, "I ain't got nothing against no LDS."
And, please, Moroni, et. al., are no more ridiculous than the
characters in Genesis or Revelations.
Crimethink:
Do you think I care? A is A. Religion is religion. Mankind has to
chuck it all on the proverbial Ash Heap Of History before it drags
us back down to Dark Ages, or worse, the caves.
SteveInClearwater:
Regarding the entry of non-believers into the CK:
I always thought being posthumously baptised would get you an entry
into the CK (assuming your soul in limbo accepts the gesture),
which would then create a loophole which would allow you to live
the life you wish, without tithing or holding to the specific moral
laws.
I also thought the unmarried can make it into the CK, but they
don't get a planet but are rather pushed into messenger duty for
those people who did get planets.
But I've never been a member so I'm probably more than a bit
mistaken.
Don't put Dippin Dots in your freezer -- they'll stick
together!
*gasp* - Another conspiracy!
NoStar, I'm disappointed in you. You left out J. Edgar Hoover.
Of course, I, for one, welcome our namedropping overlords,
especially considering that I'm one. It's a world of trouble going
by your middle name, let me assure you, so we deserve the right to
screw over the rest of the world.
SteveInClearwater, I agree that, like Soylent Green, Scientologists
are people, but you have to admit that it's a little creepy driving
down Ft. Harrison (the main street for Scientology in Clearwater,
for all of you non-Bay Area (yes, Bay Area, damn you all to hell))
folks. They've moved into Ybor City, too, so I expect all of Tampa
will soon join Clearwater in submitting to the Scientology
hegemony. Heck, John Travolta already has a jet airbase a little
bit north of here, in Ocala. We're doomed.
Sorry folks, I had a bad night yesterday and I had to take my frustrations out on something. Religion was just an easy target.
What about R. Lee Ermey? Can we trust him?
Comment by: Stormy Dragon at October 19, 2005 05:48 PM
Obviously, you haven't seen that remake of Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
As it turns out, Ermey Leatherface's pappy.
SteveInClearwater, Pro Libertate,
I had no idea there was a Clearwater faction on Hit and Run. No
place quite like it.
I went to Clearwater High School. Our annual scavenger hunt came to
an end because one year Scientologist name badges were on the list
and people were a little too zealous in retrieving them. Scienos
also used to get Supersoakered and water ballooned on a regular
basis. I always thought they were weird but not worthy of
persecution. I used to get into arguments with classmates when I
would point out that alien spewing volcanoes were not that much
weirder than talking burning bushes and magical gardens.
After all we went to school with Greeks. Talk about you insular
cultures with weird traditions. No body hassled them. Mostly
because Greek chicks were hot (at least when they�re young), Greek
guys could fight and their food rocked.
Along with the Greeks there were, Mormons, tons of Baptists,
Wiccans, and Catholics, every flavor of Judaism, Santeria
practitioners, Buddhists, Muslims and Hindus. Hell, our Albanian
neighbors sacrificed a goat and mixed its blood into the foundation
of their house after they buried gold coins at the four corners of
the slab. And I was supposed to think Scientologists were the weird
ones? My feeling on Scientology is that if someone is dumb enough
to buy into it that's his or her problem. Which is pretty much my
feeling with all religions.
Meanwhile you have to admit that downtown Clearwater is looking
pretty good these days. Last time I was back I noticed a huge
difference. Instead of a vagrant on every corner there was one on
every other corner.
More crazy mormon beliefs:
native americans are all descended from jews who emigrated to
continent in 60BC. Before that, the place was unpopulated.
Some of the jews turned wicked and god cursed them with dark skin.
They wiped out the good white jews that were left.
Bigfoot is real, he is Cain, wondering the earth cursed by
god
Blacks are cursed with dark skin because they are descended from
cain
god lives on a planet which circles a star called kolob.
A vast civilization of millions once flourished in North America.
They had steel swords, writing, money, and cultivated grapes and
barley and used elephants and horses. They all wiped themselves out
before columbus arrived.
Once you go through the temple rituals, you get to wear magic
underwear that protects you from evil. You must wear it at all
times.
Satan has special power over bodies of water and their missionaries
are not allowed to go swimming.
Yes, you get your own planet when you go to heaven, and yes, the
males get a harem more or less. It's well-established doctrine that
when you get to heaven, the men will be given extra wives.
In my opinion, yes, all religions are kooky. But if you think
scientology is extra -wierd compared to more mainstream religions,
then mormons are too.
THanks nmg for doing what I was too lazy to do.
Plus you added one I didn't know. I had never heard about the
bigfoot thing. Wow, that is something else isn't it?
Now I'm off to worship FSM
Actually, ralphus, Pinellas County is for sinners--I live in Tampa :) My dad used to live in Tarpon Springs, though, so I've enjoyed eating Greek food and viewing Greek women, too.
Blacks are cursed with dark skin because they are descended
from cain
This idea actually predates Mormonism -- you can see it referenced
in some of the poems of Phyllis Wheatley, a colonial African
American poet.
Tarpon Springs.
Go Spongers!
For non-Bay Area residents. I shit you not. Their High School
mascot is a sea sponge. Like I said, Sceintologists are hardly the
weirdeest thing in Pinellas County.
Blacks are cursed with dark skin...
This idea actually predates Mormonism...
Actually the Cain thing does not appear in Mormonism until about
1848, which means Brigham Young introduced it. The Reorganized
Church (Josephites) never taught the doctrine just as they rejected
polygamy and BY's authority. A schism, by the way, that strongly
resembles, to my mind, the Shi'ite vs Sunni break.
That said Joseph Smith pretty shamelessly stole ideas from every
religion around methodism, quakerism, you name it.
William Penn (and others) postulated that American Indians came
from the Ten Lost Tribes. There's plenty of reason to believe that
that's where Solomon Spaulding or whoever actually wrote the Book
of Mormon actually got the idea.
A nice breakdown of one of the great South Park Mormon
episode.
http://www.i4m.com/think/southpark/
Actually the Cain thing does not appear in Mormonism until
about 1848
Correction 1852.
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