Friday Fun Link

Matt Welch | September 23, 2005

The Worthless Baseball Card Collection, where the pictures are actually funnier than most of the joke captions, and the evidence points strongly to the mid-'80s being the absolute rock-bottom of men's fashion and personal grooming. (Link via Baseball Primer.)

Comments

|9.23.05 @ 6:01PM|#

"Charlie Kerfeld was ejected from a game in 1988 after the umpire searched him and found a hot dog and two twinkies stashed in his glove. "

That is some funny shit. I'll have to read more of those when I have time. Thanks, Matt.

Larry Horse|9.23.05 @ 6:21PM|#

And don't forget the memorable C-3PO card that has brought excitement to many a Star Wars enthusiast.

http://www.snopes2.com/movies/graphics/c-3p0.jpg

|9.23.05 @ 6:26PM|#

The 70's-80's Pirates uniforms have to be some of the worst in baseball (professional sports?) history. Especially those hats. I'm getting nauseous just looking at them. But if I recall correctly, the Astros uniforms of roughly the same period gave them a serious run for their money in terms of vomit inducement.

Conversely, the St. Louis Cardinals - undeniably the finest organization in the history of professional sports - have maintained their simple, elegant "birds on the bats" for most of a hundred years (not sure exactly when it started; goes back at least to the 30's) That whole powder blue road uniform thing in the 80's was a bit unfortunate though....

Go Birds!

DaveInBigD|9.23.05 @ 6:38PM|#

I was gonna make a joke about Pete Ladd looking like Weird Al, but then I read the caption...

I hate it when reality beats me to the punchline.

nancy|9.23.05 @ 6:49PM|#

I'd forgotten the 90% major-leaguer mustache requirement...

Phil|9.23.05 @ 7:03PM|#

The Phil Garner one is especially funny in light of this. It really has stayed the same.

Phil|9.23.05 @ 7:06PM|#

Argh, but then they gotta go and bust on Andre "Thunder" Thornton. That man was just about the only reason to go see Indians games for 4-5 solid seasons. Unless you were a big Toby Harrah or Ron Hassey fan.

|9.23.05 @ 7:37PM|#

Every male looked like a porn star wannabe in the mid 70's.

|9.23.05 @ 8:12PM|#

Damn, John Henry Johnson looks like Mark Goodman.
And Razor Shines had the coolest baseball name until Coco Crisp got the call.

|9.23.05 @ 9:38PM|#

For comic relief in this area, nothing is funnier than basketball cards from the 1970s. Think of Saturday Night Fever and those Nike "Keep that Funk Alive" ads from last year, and you literally start to get the picture. If the cards from that period weren't so damn expensive, I'd be tempted to buy a Topps set off of eBay for that reason alone.

|9.23.05 @ 9:43PM|#

Though I've gotta say, that Pete Ladd does make for one hell of a Weird Al impersonator. And to think, since my first card purchases came from that set, I might even have it somewhere. Or I might've gone into the trash can after having glued it onto a piece of paper 18-19 years ago.

|9.23.05 @ 9:44PM|#

Or it might've. Damn typos.

Muggs|9.23.05 @ 11:16PM|#

Sad to say, I probably have all of those cards, since that was the prime of my collecting days.

And there shall be no busting on Andre Thornton.

|9.24.05 @ 4:04AM|#

I somehow read it all without a magnifying glass and have now permanently damaged my eyes. I am afraid I too have most or all those worthless cards and my once substantial collection is pretty much worthless these days. Even my star cards from the 60s and 70s are sadly worth not much with just general reduction in value and the whole new fangled grading system. but hey I wasnt gonna sell em anyway.

Rotten in Denmark|9.24.05 @ 1:01PM|#

I think I dated at least three of these guys. . .

fyodor|9.24.05 @ 1:03PM|#

The absolute rock-bottom of fashion is always about 20 years ago.

|9.24.05 @ 2:36PM|#

I always bring the love for a solid Steve Jeltz joke.

In the future, we will look back on this era of baseball with embarassment, not because of steroids, but because of the dark-top-white-pants craze taking hold in the league. I'm looking at you, Cubs fans.

- Josh

|9.24.05 @ 3:06PM|#

I've always thought the Pirates caps were hella ugly too. (Weren't they also popular with rappers and in the inner city in the '80s?) The Padres' uniforms were horrible as well -- gold and brown! -- which was doubly embarrassing when they sucked (save for in '84). At least we had the SD Chicken for levity.

The absolute rock-bottom of fashion is always about 20 years ago.

Fyodor, sounds as if you might be familiar with Laver's Law.

jusgcuz, why not increase the text size? That's what I do here.

|9.24.05 @ 7:04PM|#

Even my star cards from the 60s and 70s are sadly worth not much with just general reduction in value and the whole new fangled grading system.

I haven't been following the hobby closely as of late (the way in which it's effectively been taken over by middle-aged gamblers has turned me away), but I think that depends of what condition the cards are in. I remember reading that cards from the '70s and earlier graded to be in decent condition (PSA/BGS 8 or higher) often sell for huge premiums relative to book value.

Mike Kole|9.24.05 @ 8:40PM|#

I myself went to Tribe games in the 80's for the pitching of Rich Yett and Sid Monge, plus the exciting play of Duane Kuiper and Jerry "The Dibber" Dybzinski.

Actually, the 70's are even better. See living tiki god Roland Office, along with king of all afros, Oscar Gamble.

|9.24.05 @ 11:47PM|#

What...no Pete Rose, with that classic Moe Howard/Isch Kabibble coiffure...

|9.25.05 @ 1:02PM|#

Damned, when I was a kid, Ross Grimsley - then with Baltimore - was one of my favorite pitchers. Lefty, no wind-up.

Didn't really realize he pitched with a porcupine on his head.

But I was young and times were innocent.

SMG

|9.26.05 @ 9:20AM|#

Redbird Legend: Mike Laga - the only player ever to hit a ball completely out of the soon-to-be demolished Busch Stadium. It takes a real man to wear pink like that.

|9.26.05 @ 9:46AM|#

I am not a Cardinals fan, but I agree that the birds on the bat is probably the all-time greatest sports logo.

Timothy|9.26.05 @ 10:32AM|#

Ahh Phil Garner, from worthless player to bad manager in a scant 30 years.

|9.26.05 @ 12:08PM|#

Thanks for making me feel young. Outside of Steve Jeltz, who was on the first Phillies teams I grew up vainly rooting for, I can't remember any of these guys.

|9.26.05 @ 12:40PM|#

that

|9.26.05 @ 2:11PM|#

This is a threadjack!

Put your hands up!
Ok, now turn around in a circle two times.
Put your right leg in.....


No, really. Anyone who is interested in meeting up for alcohol-related socializations (alcohol not required, but preferred) on the weekend of October 15th in Washington DC, email me! My email address is real if you take out the "nospam." part. I have two evenings in mind for a get-together. Email me for details, even if you're only non-committedly interested at this point. We can decide between the two or so dates I have in mind, and then decide on a time/place.

|9.26.05 @ 4:17PM|#

I was never a baseball fan, but I recently discovered some of my old football and basketball cards at my parents' house from c. 1974. American Basketball Association, baby! Artis Gilmore and the Kentucky Colonels, Dave Twardzik when he was a Virginia Squire, Billy Paultz with the Spurs. Good stuff.

I also have Johnny Unitas in his last season as a San Diego Charger. That one's kinda sad, actually. Would probably be worth a fortune now, too, if my six year-old self had been more prescient about the notion of collectables...

|9.26.05 @ 4:17PM|#

I was never a baseball fan, but I recently discovered some of my old football and basketball cards at my parents' house from c. 1974. American Basketball Association, baby! Artis Gilmore and the Kentucky Colonels, Dave Twardzik when he was a Virginia Squire, Billy Paultz with the Spurs. Good stuff.

I also have Johnny Unitas in his last season as a San Diego Charger. That one's kinda sad, actually. Would probably be worth a fortune now, too, if my six year-old self had been more prescient about the notion of collectables...