Jim Garrison! thou shouldst be living at this hour

Tim Cavanaugh | September 11, 2005

As the rebirth of impoverished New Orleans as Carmel-by-the-Bayou is pretty much guaranteed to include plenty of wholesale land grabs and reappropriation of low-income private residences, I'm guessing it won't be long before we start hearing conspiracy theories involving weather machines or at least intentionaly unreinforced levees. Allow me to get the ball rolling...

Today's San Francisco Chronicle features an interview with a French Quarter entrepreneur by the name of "Finis D. Shelnutt." In an unusually candid quote, Shelnutt lays out a vision of an economically cleansed Big Easy of the future:

"Katrina is the best thing to ever happen to this city," said 53-year-old Finis Shelnutt, who owns a French Quarter restaurant and now spends his day sitting alone at a table outside hoping to sell a cold beer or soda to journalists or rescue workers passing by.

Telling of the deep-rooted divide that exists between black and white and rich and poor in this Southern city, Shelnutt said the storm created an opportunity to clean up New Orleans, which is filled with "slums and too many bad areas."

He hopes the city builds a golf course or two where the poor neighborhoods, home to mostly black people, are still underwater.

"Change is good," Shelnutt said, denying it was a race issue. "They will find there is a better world elsewhere, like in Houston or Atlanta."

Well sure, you're thinking, of course a bar owner in New Orleans would look forward to a shiny new city more amenable to luxury commerce. That doesn't mean he's at the center of some weird wheels-within-wheels intrigue!

Oh yeah? It turns out Mr. Finis D. Shelnutt—who is variously described as a stockbroker, realtor, and entrepreneur and who for all his big talk has lived in New Orleans less than four years—is the husband of Bill Clinton accuser Gennifer Flowers (recently divorced, according to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution) and a former brother-in-law of jailed Clinton crony Webb Hubbell.

Since the true operators are always working both parties, Shelnutt and Flowers are identified in a 2004 article in South Africa's Sunday Times as newly minted Republicans:

Finis Shelnutt, Flowers's husband, said he and his wife are now dedicated Republicans. "Look outside the window," he said. "That's a Union Jack flag we have flying here. We took down the French flag because of their position on the Iraq war."

"My husband and I will both be voting for George W Bush," Flowers said. "He's doing what's necessary for the country in terms of national security."

Finally, the informant who provided Reason with this inside dope informs me that when he googled Shelnutt this morning, he came across a link concerning Shelnutt's involvement in the Mena Airfield conspiracy—but that that link had disappeared when he went back to check it this afternoon!

Not convinced? Then consider that when he took in a 2002 show at the Gennifer Flowers Kelsto Club, disgraced New York Times reporter Rick Bragg produced the following prose grand mal, a passage so purple thousands of Americans spontaneously lost their ability to speak English after reading it:

When she sings it, kissing the words, it is obvious why people call it a torch song.

The golden-haired woman with the drowning pool eyes has just finished her escargot, pasta and assorted miniature tarts in a French restaurant called Maison Bleu, and has been asked to sing, even if only a little.

So there are the facts. Scoff all you want; but how come you're in such a hurry to dismiss the evidence right in front of you? While the Big Easy is going through it's Chinatown-style resurrection, I'll be down in the Gulf with Dick Gregory, looking for those submarine hurricane machines.

Comments

|9.11.05 @ 11:31PM|#

You know, I had a professor (emeritus) back in law school who was absolutely obsessed with "weather modification." Always encouraging students to research it, write term papers about it. As far as I know, none ever did.

He's no longer living.

Coincidence?

Tim Higgins|9.11.05 @ 11:47PM|#

Everyone complains about the weather, but nobody ever does anything about it . . . or do they?

|9.11.05 @ 11:54PM|#

Just visit New England. The weather can't possibly be explained by natural forces.

|9.12.05 @ 12:10AM|#

The golden-haired woman with the drowning pool eyes...


There's next year's Bulwer-Lytton Award winner...

|9.12.05 @ 12:17AM|#

Another climate-control triumph for HAARP...

|9.12.05 @ 12:20AM|#

Chinatown was a good, if slightly overrated, movie. As film noir goes, for the classics give me The Third Man, for modern give me Blade Runner (director's cut only, please) or Dark City.

Disclaimer: L.A. Confidential is next on my Netflix list, so I'm yet to see it.

The Lonewacko Blog|9.12.05 @ 12:21AM|#

I've got a doozier conspiracy theory at Katrina Coverage.

I'd provide a more direct link except the nofollow tags have disincentivized me.

|9.12.05 @ 12:29AM|#

I saw one of those weather control machines flitting from flower to flower the other day.

|9.12.05 @ 1:39AM|#

Uh, Tim, after your guest appearance on the R.U. Sirius show, I just have to ask, are you feeling ok?

|9.12.05 @ 2:26AM|#

Considering the whole history of New Orleans & Louisiana is replete with spectacular corruption & general wickedness, it's hard for me to imagine that whatever rebuilding goes on there is going to be done only by the pure of heart. I can see this as being a great opportunity to tell a great story for some writer who has the talent and resources for this kind of thing.

|9.12.05 @ 2:32AM|#

Aha!!! We have them now!!!! The conspiracy is unveiled.

Ummm .... who's the dark forces behind this, again?

|9.12.05 @ 2:33AM|#

You're too late.

I heard the weather control theory on Coast To Coast AM being promoted by Charles Ostler on September 1. Here's the description:

First hour guest, 'historian of the future' Charles Ostman presented the theory that weather manipulation may have been used to steer the direction of Hurricane Katrina into America's oil facilities, as a "geopolitical attack." A country such as China could be using HAARP-like technology with the goal of creating economic chaos in the U.S., he further conjectured.

Rattle|9.12.05 @ 2:38AM|#

The various intelligence agencies have known for some time now that Bin Laden has a weather machine. Its a giant conspiracy. I'm sorry I had to bring this to your attention in this forum, as everyone who reads this comment will shortly be targeted for assimilation into the conspiracy. When the men in white suits come to your door, treat them with respect, they are generally alright. When they ask you how old you are, be sure to answer with "I am very old", and everything will work out fine.

Things could be worse, although I am not exactly sure how.

|9.12.05 @ 2:47AM|#

I remember back in 1981 when Mikkos Cassidine built that machine that could freeze the world. Fortunately, Luke Spenser and Robert Scorpio were able to foil his evil plans.

Those weather control machines always end up being used for evil.

|9.12.05 @ 4:33AM|#

and how about the fact that Kelo vs. New London was decided only a few months earlier? Coincidence? I think NOT

And seriously, what the hell kind of name is Finis D. Shelnutt? Sounds like something you would see on a fake id.

|9.12.05 @ 4:52AM|#

Gee, in my town, we move folks out of hell-hole slums and "assimilate" them into the suburbs with shiny new subsidized middle-income apartments that aren't "projects". It's hailed as a progressive move that brings new opportunity to the poor.

So when government displaces the poor, it's progressive; when Nature displaces them, it's racist. Yeah, right. Whatever. Either way, it's a fresh start for many. Upheaval happens.

|9.12.05 @ 5:20AM|#

Some slightly more down to earth conspiracy theories have begun to appear.

I've started seeing allegations on some blogs about the discovery of explosive residue near the 17th St. leavee, and related stories about the NOPD getting into firefights with heavily armed individuals initially thought to be looters but are later discovered to be undercover US Military agents.

Another story, which was broken in an Australian newspaper, alleges doctors euthanized several patients when the hospital was surrounded by looters and the evacuation kept getting postponed.

Not sure if that qualifies as a conspiracy theory but it will cause quite the shitstorm if its true.

|9.12.05 @ 7:31AM|#

cs, if that's a common idea of "down to earth" conspiracies, we're all in trouble.

Of course, it's only a theory, but someone said you set fire to a home nearby to cover some criminal activity you may have been involved in. And it's widely alleged, because I live in your area, that you cheat on your spouse. I may not have all the facts, but I DO believe in the truth of the allegations. You seem quite capable of most anything. Wouldn't put it past you, after talking to your co-workers and subordinates. (Actually, I was surprised to hear you had a job.) In fact, O.J. Simpson has said aloud that he thinks he may have found Nicole's killer when some anonymous source asked him if he knew about you. It's gonna be quite a shitstorm for you, if true.

There. How's that for "storytelling"?

Jeff P.|9.12.05 @ 7:32AM|#

I see Sean Connery's August DeWinter from the awful Avengers movie striding up and down the aisles of congress...

And Shelnut sounds like the Rodney Dangerfield character in Caddyshack.

This world really needs a supervillain.

|9.12.05 @ 7:36AM|#

I don't know about weather control machines, but those bullshit machines seem to really be working effectively.

|9.12.05 @ 8:00AM|#

Tim made a great point on the radio in discussing 9/11 conspiracies. I wish more nut jobs would would stop to consider it. A loose paraphrase: why is it surprising that governments turn events to their advantage?

A really strong politician with an effective political machine does not need to fabricate nefarious conspiratorial schemes. He can easily manipulate the events of the day to his advantage after the fact. E.g., Katrina is proof that we need more federal government intervention -OR- Katrina is proof we need less federal intervention. Who needs a weather machine?

|9.12.05 @ 8:24AM|#

"If we don't pass the PATRIOT ACT II: ELECTRIC BUGALOO, then the huricanes will have won."

Andrew Ian Dodge|9.12.05 @ 8:29AM|#

My buds over at Pagan Prattle do a great line in researching Katrina conspiracies.

|9.12.05 @ 9:12AM|#

"cs, if that's a common idea of "down to earth" conspiracies, we're all in trouble."

The euthanasia one doesn't seem particularly improbable at all given that it's pretty well acknowledged that some number of patients (usually estimated at several thousand) are informally euthanized in the US each year anyway.

|9.12.05 @ 9:14AM|#

"This world really needs a supervillain."

Karl Rove joke coming in 3... 2...

|9.12.05 @ 9:33AM|#

Isn't anyone courageous enough to mention the numerous sightings of that gargantuan spinning disc object rising from it's submerged docking port in the gulf. Is not the location of it's emergence and the direction of it's spin just a bit too beneficial for some? Is it not time for the American public, both natural born or naturalized, to learn The Truth? And finally is it not time to put a stop to all this nonsense and reveal the multiple plastic surgeries Bush underwent to narrow and decrease his optic orbits? Too bad about that fake ear job which did not turn out too well though.

Dave W.|9.12.05 @ 9:42AM|#

I think I got the ball rolling on this here at H'n'R like a week ago. I think the weather thing is some kind of a neutron ray . . .

|9.12.05 @ 10:07AM|#

Has anybody confirmed that Habib Marwan from 24 is really dead? I mean, he had a remote control for every nuclear power plant in the US, and operatives ready across the country to intercept military convoys carrying nuclear missiles.

How hard would it be for him to bomb the levees?

This crazy idea brought to you by Ford--no boundaries!

(Ford is a big sponsor of 24)

|9.12.05 @ 11:41AM|#

Mr. Finis D. Shelnutt...

Why, when I try to picture this guy, do I see WC Fields?

Shannon Love|9.12.05 @ 11:42AM|#

If there were a conspiracy to depopulate New Orleans it would almost certainly look like what actually occurred, and is still occurring, within the city. I can't think of a better way of so terrorizing and traumatizing a population such that they would choose never to return than to refuse to evacuate them before a cataclysmic storm and to actively deny them aid afterwards.

Fortunately (or perhaps unfortunately) I don't think anybody in Louisiana is competent enough to pull off such a long term conspiracy. I do wonder, however, if the seeming maniacal urge to evacuate everyone remaining isn't grounded in the idea that it would be far easier to condemn people's property when they are not in it. Surely, this idea has occurred to central planning freaks and politically connected real estate developers.

It will be very interesting to see how much of the inevitable reconstruction money ends up in the pockets of individual property owners versus how much ends up in the accounts of the politically connected big dogs.

|9.12.05 @ 11:56AM|#

I do wonder, however, if the seeming maniacal urge to evacuate everyone remaining isn't grounded in the idea that it would be far easier to condemn people's property when they are not in it.

Considering the number of uniformed cops I saw on TV looting various non-essentials from stores, I think plain and simple looting is their real goal. Later, of course, they'll realize that it will be easier to condemn property as well, but I don't think they're thinking that far ahead.

|9.12.05 @ 12:29PM|#

You're too late.

I heard the weather control theory on Coast To Coast AM being promoted by Charles Ostler on September 1. Here's the description:

First hour guest, 'historian of the future' Charles Ostman presented the theory that weather manipulation may have been used to steer the direction of Hurricane Katrina into America's oil facilities, as a "geopolitical attack." A country such as China could be using HAARP-like technology with the goal of creating economic chaos in the U.S., he further conjectured.

That would explain why Typhoon Khanun hit Taizhou -- it's US retaliation for Chinese weather attacks. :)

|9.12.05 @ 1:09PM|#

Note to Jennifer -- During the height of the Katrina mayhem in NO, my local morning news affiliate had a phone interview with a regular contributor ("Kirk the Cyberguy" or somesuch) who happened to live in NO. He was holed up in a hospital where the doctors were triaging patients. He said he wished to dispel the rumors of police looting by mentioning that the doctors at the hospital had given the police a list of medicines to grab at a local pharmacy. I don't know what you saw on TV -- perhaps police were looting, perhaps they were getting essentials for the infirmed (or both). I just thought I'd mention that, since you've mentioned police looting about 300 times.

And surely there's a secret volcanic island in the farthest reaches of the Carribean housing an evil genius that's spawning these hurricanes. Damn him!

|9.12.05 @ 1:10PM|#

Another story, which was broken in an Australian newspaper, alleges doctors euthanized several patients when the hospital was surrounded by looters and the evacuation kept getting postponed.

It's not an Australian newspaper, but:

"We had to kill our patients
by C AROLINE GRAHAM and JO KNOWSLEY, Mail on Sunday"

Doctors working in hurricane-ravaged New Orleans killed critically ill patients rather than leaving them to die in agony as they evacuated hospitals, The Mail on Sunday can reveal.
With gangs of rapists and looters rampaging through wards in the flooded city, senior doctors took the harrowing decision to give massive overdoses of morphine to those they believed could not make it out alive.

In an extraordinary interview with The Mail on Sunday, one New Orleans doctor told how she 'prayed for God to have mercy on her soul' after she ignored every tenet of medical ethics and ended the lives of patients she had earlier fought to save.

Her heart-rending account has been corroborated by a hospital orderly and by local government officials. One emergency official, William 'Forest' McQueen, said: "Those who had no chance of making it were given a lot of morphine and lain down in a dark place to die."


http://www.mailonsunday.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=361980&in_page_id=1770&in_a_source=&ct=5

|9.12.05 @ 2:26PM|#

What I meant by 'more down to earth' is that blowing up the walls of the 17th Street Canal is obviously possible with current technology while weather control satellites are probably at least a medium-ways off, if not a long ways off.

Another thing which makes the explosives theory more plausible to those of the right mind, is that the leavees were intentionally breached in 1927, flooding out thousands of poor farmers / sharecroppers.

In addition to a historical precedent, there's the facts on the ground. Slow response by the authorities, and then lots of quotes from Republican politicians and various NOLA and carpetbagger businessmen about how the city is to be cleaned up and the demographics changed.

So the facts on the ground will make this conspiracy seem much more plausible to the people who were paranoid anyways. "George Bush don't like black people" will evolve into "NOLA was ethnically cleansed." Radicals, especially in the black community, will latch onto this conspiracy theory and will start referring to the "NOLA genocide."

As for the euthanasia claims, I should have included this link to the paper.

|9.12.05 @ 4:31PM|#

The secret designers really need to do a better job of keeping their designs secret.

|9.12.05 @ 10:50PM|#

A country such as China could be using HAARP-like technology with the goal of creating economic chaos in the U.S.

Or they could just stop buying our T-Bonds and watch the dollar plummet... but that wouldn't be as fun to watch, I guess.

ptg|9.14.05 @ 12:53AM|#

I thought the Winds were angry; insulted by the wind electric generators we are building. What a fool I've been.