Reason Magazine
- reason.com
- reason.tv
- reason.org
- Donate
- Site Search:
Reason on Facebook
Reason on Twitter
Reason on YouTube
Reason RSSGet Reason E-mail Updates!
Manage your Reason e-mail list subscriptionsadvertisements
Mousepox, anthrax, and plague — Oh my!
Add to the things New Orleans has to worry about -- various research labs in and around the city that worked with very nasty germs. Is this thing turning into a straight-to-video horror show or what? So what are we thinking, fast zombies or slow zombies?
|9.9.05 @ 3:05PM|#
Wasn't Hatfill, the suspected anthrax dude, a former LSU prof, or somehow affiliated with LSU?
|9.9.05 @ 3:08PM|#
It's still the Big Easy... They'd have to be sloooow, laid back
zombies.
... then BAM!
|9.9.05 @ 3:08PM|#
ooh, I'd forgotten that one.......LSU fired him in '02 after the FBI and Ashcroft crawled all over him......
|9.9.05 @ 3:11PM|#
Someone better warn the animal rescue folks. I don't think they usually go in armed.
|9.9.05 @ 3:16PM|#
This is the South.
Slow zombies.
Now if this was Boston, the zombies would run you down before you
could cross the street, while talking to other zombies on their
cell phones, and flipping the bird at a zombie cabbie.
Jeff P.|9.9.05 @ 3:21PM|#
Just in case no one has seen this, here's an interesting piece on the concept of contemporary cities in ruin in science fiction.
|9.9.05 @ 3:21PM|#
I always thought the whole zombie holocaust thing was oddly
appropos for New Orleans, what with the whole Voodun thing. A
friend e-mailed me a linkn to web cam set up in downtown NA after
the storm and I watched a few minutes of it. Wind damaged
buildings. Deserted streets. Nothing moving at all. Creepy. I kept
expecting to see the hoardes of half-rotten undead shambling down
the street any second.
Oh well, nothing for it but to load up your boomstick and gas up
the chainsaw. HAIL TO THE KING, BABY!
|9.9.05 @ 3:30PM|#
The zombies will most definitely be slow zombies, but they will be of the "Night of the Living Dead" variety. They will look stoned out of their minds and thus vaguely unthreatening. And then they will eat your brains, because they have the munchies
|9.9.05 @ 3:30PM|#
The zombies will most definitely be slow zombies, but they will be of the "Night of the Living Dead" variety. They will look stoned out of their minds and thus vaguely unthreatening. And then they will eat your brains, because they have the munchies
|9.9.05 @ 3:30PM|#
"Now if this was Boston, the zombies would run you down before
you could cross the street, while talking to other zombies on their
cell phones, and flipping the bird at a zombie cabbie."
But they'd be provincial zombies who wouldn't stray outside of 128
unless they were going to the Cape, so the damage would be
contained. :)
Yeah, those animal rescue folks better look out for The Rage.
|9.9.05 @ 3:30PM|#
"Now if this was Boston, the zombies would run you down before
you could cross the street, while talking to other zombies on their
cell phones, and flipping the bird at a zombie cabbie."
But they'd be provincial zombies who wouldn't stray outside of 128
unless they were going to the Cape, so the damage would be
contained. :)
Yeah, those animal rescue folks better look out for The Rage.
|9.9.05 @ 3:41PM|#
This reminds me of what a pathetic bunch Al Quada has become. If Osama is not dead, he might as well be. If I am a terrorist, I can't imagine not doing something, anything, within the U.S. this last week. Even if its the odd suicide bomber or lone gunman in the New York Subway. With all of the nation's attention focused on the gulf coast even a small terrorist attack would terrorized the hell out of people. Yet, they haven't managed one thing.
|9.9.05 @ 3:51PM|#
Assuming such dangerous germs have been accidentally released, would they even be able to survive in the toxic soup down there?
|9.9.05 @ 4:03PM|#
In New Hampshire, the zombies just stand there, unless you step
onto their property. Then they eat you.
In Washington DC, the zombies are always looking over your shoulder
while they gnaw on your skill, to see if there's someone more
important they can eat in the room.
|9.9.05 @ 4:06PM|#
In Romero's "Day of the Dead", the zombies traverse a moat by
simply walking along the bottom. No breathing necessary!
New Orleans could be the perfect setting for the next Resident Evil
video game/movie.
Mike|9.9.05 @ 4:09PM|#
This reminds me of what a pathetic bunch Al Quada has
become.
That's because they were never the arch-villians we painted them
as. Osama doesn't now, and never has, sat in his bunker twirling
his mustache waiting for an opening. Just because we've been taught
to live in fear for four years, doesn't mean the enemy ever
warranted that fear.
Osama is the post-millenial Crack: a bad thing, that has done
terrible damage, but only a serious threat to our society if we
allow our fear to get the better of us.
Tim Cavanaugh|9.9.05 @ 4:24PM|#
Slow zombies, always slow zombies. Fast zombies are from
hunger-not scary, not funny, and useless as metaphors for anything.
And worst of all, they don't deliver the gore! Compare the tame
levels of gut munching in the Dawn of the Dead remake with
the luxurious feast in the original. The only useful thing about
fast zombies is that they allow no-talent directors to cheat the
angles. Anybody who thinks they're scarier because "they can get
you" would lose a think-off with Bub from Day of the
Dead.
That having been said, New Orleans was the setting for a
legendary disease-outbreak film: Elia Kazan's 1950 Panic In the
Streets, which features a lot of great location work and a
noirish view of Big Easy corruption.
Timothy|9.9.05 @ 4:31PM|#
City full of zombies, eh? Nothing my 10th-level cleric of Pelor
can't handle!
[/uberdork]
Phil|9.9.05 @ 5:36PM|#
In answer to the question, "Can zombies swim?" the answer is, "Yes, yes they can." (Scroll to second picture.)
|9.9.05 @ 5:59PM|#
"Is this thing turning into a straight-to-video horror show
or what?"
I'm thinkin' they're slow zombies...
...and I'm thinkin' the disease turns the zombies back into Soccer
Moms.
|9.9.05 @ 6:08PM|#
In Portland, the Zombies are all vegan.
Not only that, but the county will hire English-to-Grunt
translators and the city council will consider making zombie food a
public utility.
Timothy|9.9.05 @ 7:14PM|#
Not only that, but the county will hire English-to-Grunt
translators and the city council will consider making zombie food a
public utility.
And METRO will try to decide whether or not to expand the urban
growth boundary to take into account the need for new zombie
dwellings.
|9.9.05 @ 7:41PM|#
"And METRO will try to decide whether or not to expand the urban
growth boundary to take into account the need for new zombie
dwellings."
In the end they won't, and all the zombies will move to Vancouver,
WA.
The Seattle zombies will, of course, order their lattes while
peering thourgh skinny glasses and wearing large sweaters.
|9.9.05 @ 7:42PM|#
>Can zombies swim? Sounds like something from Cities of the
Red Night down there.
As demonstrated in Land of the Dead, since zombies are already dead
and not in need of oxygen, they just walk under water.
|9.9.05 @ 7:45PM|#
In St. Louis, all the zombies would be standing in an extremely
long line at Ted Drewes Frozen Custard on Chippewa, where the most
popular item would be the "Braincrete."
Also, I agree with smacky.
|9.9.05 @ 7:51PM|#
In Tokyo, if you asked the zombies not to eat your brain, they
would say, "We will try, but that may be difficult." Then they
would eat your brain anyway. But they would be consider it rude to
refuse your request directly.
In New Orleans, I think chick zombies would flash for brains.
|9.9.05 @ 8:36PM|#
The north Dallas zombie has had face and boob work done, drives a rented BMW and goes to Stars games to be seen.
|9.9.05 @ 10:17PM|#
Wasn't Hatfill, the suspected anthrax dude, a former LSU
prof, or somehow affiliated with LSU?
You are thinking of Hatfield, and he was a Metallica dude, not an
Anthrax dude.
In lieu of a Friday Fun Link:
http://www.beatallica.org/
(see "music" page for downloads)
|9.9.05 @ 10:53PM|#
Excuse me on my way to the bed, but has anyone hexed themselves
'bout athelete's tootsie, what with all the moistness and
all?
Stevo,
Kindly stand in for moi until tomorrow eve.
|9.10.05 @ 12:12PM|#
The Ohio zombie will attempt to grow brains, and rotate the
various fields of flesh to get the best results.
Zombie Browns fans won't exhibit any noticeable difference.
Zombie Bengals fans will moan "this is the year" over and over, and
therefore not be ay different from the average citizen of
Cincinnasty.
|9.10.05 @ 12:15PM|#
Addendum: Columbus zombies will only eat the flesh from Michganders while mercilessly droning "Hang On Sloopy".
|9.10.05 @ 6:43PM|#
All this posting about zombies, and not one link to Max Brooks'
guide to beating a zombie apocolypse (Zombocolypse?)
The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living
Dead
|9.12.05 @ 4:08PM|#
Returning to Portland, I'd like to point out that you'd better
be outrunning the zombies with a full tank of gas, because it's
unlikely that the fueling attendants will not be zombified fairly
early on in the apocalypse, and FSM forbid you pump your *own*
gas.
Also, I agree with Stevo.
|9.12.05 @ 6:07PM|#
Now, if we can only get John to agree with Legate Damar, we
would have a perfect daisy chain.
("Daisy chain" isn't a naughty expression, is it?)
Site comments/questions:
Media Inquiries and Reprint Permissions:
(310) 367-6109
Editorial & Production Offices:
3415 S. Sepulveda Blvd.
Suite 400
Los Angeles, CA 90034
(310) 391-2245