New at Reason

Julian Sanchez | August 31, 2005

In light of recent reports that coffee may have health benefits, Kerry Howley suggests that maybe we love the java jive more when it doesn't love us.

Comments

Jeff P.|8.31.05 @ 2:54PM|#

I'm having SNL Java Junkie flashbacks.

"That's when I came here, to Maxwell House..."

TallDave|8.31.05 @ 2:55PM|#

I switched to green tea a couple years back. More antioxidants and research-supported health benefits.

I sure miss the taste of a strong cup of coffee, though.

|8.31.05 @ 3:01PM|#

coffee "adds a spiritualescency to the Sperme, and renders it more firm and suitable to the Gusto of the womb."

Tee hee! Oh, to live in the quaint times of antiquity.

|8.31.05 @ 3:03PM|#

My relationship with my Rancilio Silvia has been longer-lasting, more beneficial and more substantial than any relationship I have had with a woman. My love of the bean transcends all earthly debates.

|8.31.05 @ 3:04PM|#

I'm with you smacky. I'll have to see if I can work that line into a conversation today.

|8.31.05 @ 3:07PM|#

As you've all probably figured out by now, there are strict minimum coffee consumption quotas for us government employees.

I'm going to go grab an iced right now, or I'll be here all night filling out the paperwork.

|8.31.05 @ 3:18PM|#

Some people just can't accept that something, anything could be an unqualified good. Coffee seems to fit this discription, so people are forced to find something wrong about it. It goes to show that for most people enjoyment does not come from worldly pleasures but rather from pleasures of lording our moral supremacy and righousness over others. Whatever pleasure coffee may give is for many people greatly outweighed by the bliss associated with indignantly and self-rigousless proclaiming, "no thank you, I have switched to decaf."

|8.31.05 @ 3:25PM|#

Mmmm... Coffee. Without it, my workday would be longer and less pleasant, and my leisure would be spent asleep.

"Some people just can't accept that something, anything could be an unqualified good." - John

No doubt! Which is why I can't wait to see a coffee adaptation of Dr. Strangelove:

"Dr. Goodbrew, or, How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Bean."

Slim Pickens riding an Espresso Machine out of the clouds would make a great visual...

|8.31.05 @ 3:25PM|#

What the hell is wrong with ordering a double espresso?

The Wine Commonsewer|8.31.05 @ 3:30PM|#

I appreciate all the Generation Xers who made it possible for us to get a decent cup of coffee again. Thank you for bringing us Starbucks, Peets, and the rest. For two friggin' decades you couldn't get a decent cup of coffee anywhere but Seattle and San Francisco. Now it's there for the asking.

|8.31.05 @ 3:35PM|#

TWC- You're welcome. I also love that it's possible to buy a home espresso machine now. Or a french press.

Damn...now I'm jonesing.

|8.31.05 @ 3:38PM|#

One of my least favorite magazines, National Geopanica, did a story on caffeine and coffee that was all finger-wagging:

http://magma.nationalgeographic.com/ngm/0501/feature1/

There's just a certain type of person who is drawn to self-flagellation. You find them on the right, the left, everywhere -- they just can't allow themselves to relax and enjoy themselves, whether it's sex or SUVs. They're not masochists; they enjoy the act of whipping themselves more than the pain they inflict. Coffee hating is just another fad to them.

|8.31.05 @ 3:39PM|#

If I were to dunk my banana in my coffee, would that make them happy?

|8.31.05 @ 3:45PM|#

National Geopanica. That is funny. You don't understand Amanda. In all of the self flagellation comes the pleasure of feeling superior to everyone else. That is why they do it.

|8.31.05 @ 3:47PM|#

"I also love that it's possible to buy a home espresso machine now."

Now if only it were possible to buy a home.

|8.31.05 @ 3:49PM|#

Yeah, the 90s Coffee Boom was one of the great achievements of that golden decade. (Another being the Microbrew Boom).

|8.31.05 @ 3:50PM|#

April,

Does "dunk my banana in my coffee" have a meaning I haven't heard?

If not, then no.

|8.31.05 @ 3:51PM|#

Dr. Melik [puzzling over list of items sold at Miles' old health-food store] ... wheat germ, organic honey and... tiger's milk.
Dr. Aragon: Oh, yes. Those are the charmed substances that some years ago were thought to contain life-preserving properties.
Dr. Melik: You mean there was no deep fat? No steak or cream pies or... hot fudge?
Dr. Aragon: [chuckling] Those were thought to be unhealthy... precisely the opposite of what we now know to be true.
Dr. Melik: Incredible!

Larry A|8.31.05 @ 3:52PM|#

These are the people who look at a butterfly and say, "Damn, another broken chrysalis."

|8.31.05 @ 3:53PM|#

Joe-by the time I'm in a position to buy one, I expect the bubble to have popped. That, or I'll just keep sipping my quad espressos in apartments.

|8.31.05 @ 3:54PM|#

A Man to Hug & Kiss:

I read that NG piece. Did you? While it wasn't exactly a beaming coffee-worship story, it certainly was not "all finger-wagging". In fact, they make a good effort to repeatedly point out that coffee isn't really bad for you, and that it does indeed promote productivity. Sure, there were quotes like those from the guy who whines about disrupting our circadian sleep rhythms, and how the coffee/lack of sleep cycle is a self-perpetuating trap (which is nonsense--my sleep deficit doesn't come from coffee---it comes from having a lot of shit to do). But that is only one portion of the article.

Quite frankly, going into the mag, I expected a big pile of alarmist nonsense. In fact, I was surprised by how little scolding there was.

But, then, I guess, by your standards, if anyone quoted in an article has anything bad to say about coffee, then the entire article is automatically "all finger-wagging".

Might wanna read stuff before you judge it.

|8.31.05 @ 3:54PM|#

Caffine kills!

|8.31.05 @ 3:58PM|#

E Steven,

How was the world destroyed?

"[a] man named Albert Shanker got hold of a nuclear bomb."

|8.31.05 @ 4:04PM|#

#6: Whether the bubble will sorta "pop" or simply level off will depend on where you live. But if you're expecting a tech-bubble kind of collapse, don't bet on it. It's called real estate for a reason...unlike a website, it's actually real. Yeah, it's gotten out of hand, and there will be market correction soon---but it's not gonna "pop".

|8.31.05 @ 4:05PM|#

Screw all you GenXers patting yourselves on the back. You never would have heard of good coffee or good beer if people like me hadn't sacrificed our internal organs in the 70s and 80s knocking back anything we could find (including various home-brewed swills) that promised deliverance from the standard Bud/Maxwell House beverage slam so many Americans lived by.

Starbucks is a mixed blessing. Great if you need 4 hours of rocket fuel to get by but the places don't even smell like coffee, somehow. They were always rare but to me there was nothing in the beverage scene as lovely as one of those little coffee stores that roasted their own beans and smelled like absolute heaven. Hard to find then, hard to find now.

|8.31.05 @ 4:07PM|#

Frederick the Great tried to get his subjects to drink less coffee and more beer... typical meddler. Had he relaxed and thought a bit, he would have realized that the consumption of each reinforces the consumption of the other.
Ain't life grand!?

|8.31.05 @ 4:09PM|#

I can't wait for the study that says donuts help reduce the likelihood of heart disease.

|8.31.05 @ 4:10PM|#

Personally, I like to see the continued demonization of coffee---because it's yet another opportunity to thumb my fucking nose at healthist cunts. Lump it in there with my beer & wine hobby. It seems, more & more, that I derive intense pleasure from being in fantastic physical shape, yet, all the while, consuming the shit that makes CSPI go insane. That in itself is my drug of choice.

|8.31.05 @ 4:15PM|#

A donut and coffee is perfect balance. Bitter, sweet...Balance is good.

|8.31.05 @ 4:18PM|#

Doug:

Not sure I buy the whole "Starbucks wouldn't be around today had it not been fer our suffering" argument. Supply & demand...where does your suffering fit into that equation?

As for starbucks being a "mixed blessing", well, it's still not bad. It's an either/or, though: if they did indeed roast fresh at every location, then they probably would not be as efficient, and there would certainly not be as many locations, so you'd have a harder time finding it.

For me, the "mixed blessing" is twofold:

The coffee is good and plentiful, but...

2) You need a second mortgage if you plan on going there regularly (a THIRD mortgage if you get the fancy drinks)

3) Starbucks has slipped in these incredibly unhealthy sugar & fat bombs under the auspices of "coffee drinks". People justify it with "oh, it's just a cup of coffee, and coffee's not bad for you", meanwhile, your double chocolate frappacino with whipped cream and sprinkles is delivering 650 calories of fat and sugar to your system. Not that I care what you drink, I just think that alot of people use the "it's just coffee" as an excuse to justify their big ol' dessert-for-breakfast.

|8.31.05 @ 4:27PM|#

Evan,

That, and a soccer-ball sized muffin.

"What? It's got fruit in it."

|8.31.05 @ 4:45PM|#

Evan,

OMG, you are really are a health nazi. "Starbucks, good company gone bad. Started out as a hippy roasting company in Seattle brewing innocent coffee and not they are just fat pimps like the rest of the food industy."

|8.31.05 @ 4:46PM|#

I'll give up my Venti Houseblend when they pry it from my cold, dead fingers...

|8.31.05 @ 4:47PM|#

As a chocolate lover who can't stand the taste of coffee, I am deeply angered that hot chocolate varieties always seem to be an afterthought.

|8.31.05 @ 4:49PM|#

Evan Williams,

Indeed, I don't think we've read the same article. Retrieving the January 2005 issue from the Hugginkiss Archives, I open to the story's first pages, a photo spread across 2 pages. Nothing alarmist here. A subtitle runs across the 2 pages, however, which continues across the next 4. It reads in its entirety: "It's the world's most popular psychoactive drug -- buzzing our brains, fraying our nerves, robbing our sleep. And we simply refuse to survive without it."

One of the author's main thrusts is that caffeine keeps us awake because we don't get enough sleep because we consume too much caffeine -- it's right there on page 16. Yes, there is much to recommend in the article, including the history of Red Bull, which I hadn't previously known. But the whole caffeine/sleep theme is more paternal finger wagging: "This wouldn't have happened if you had gone to bed at 7pm."

Might wanna read stuff before you judge it.

Yes, and you might want to suck my dick before you swallow my jizz. It IS possible that someone might have a different opinion about a news article than you.

|8.31.05 @ 4:57PM|#

Amanda,

Language!

|8.31.05 @ 5:10PM|#

Buying the fancy drinks at Starbucks is sorta like having scented cocaine or flavored ecstacy. Just give me lotsa the damn drug--Venti Americano on ice!

Four shots of espresso will wake you up in the morning, guaranteed.

|8.31.05 @ 5:19PM|#

Now if only it were possible to buy a home.

Whew, thank goodness. I thought I had to pay a mortage or something by tomorrow... ;)

|8.31.05 @ 5:22PM|#

Starbucks coffee absolutely blows. Cheapass beans burned black is not good coffee. They have such a dark roast because they need it to hide the crappy quality of their beans.

Now, their sweet coffee drinks (the mochas, etc.) are good. Real good. But their cup o' joe is no bueno.

Gotta love their business model, though. Buddy of mine works in-house there. Has participation. Lucky bastard.

|8.31.05 @ 7:27PM|#

JS Bach's
Coffee Cantata

Composed for perfomance by Bach's Collegium at Zimmerman's Coffee House,
Leipzip, between 1732 & 1734

Recitative Narrator
Be quiet, stop chattering,
and pay attention to what's taking place:
here comes Herr Schlendrian
with his daughter Lieschen;
he's growling like a honey bear.
Hear for yourselves, what she has done to him!

Aria Schlendrian:
Don't one's children cause one
endless trials & tribulations!
What I say each day
to my daughter Lieschen
falls on stony ground.

Recitative
Schlendrian: You wicked child, you disobedient girl,
oh! when will I get my way;
give up coffee!
Lieschen: Father, don't be so severe!
If I can't drink
my bowl of coffee three times daily,
then in my torment I will shrivel up
like a piece of roast goat.

Aria Lieschen:
Mm! how sweet the coffee tastes,
more delicious than a thousand kisses,
mellower than muscatel wine.
Coffee, coffee I must have,
and if someone wishes to give me a treat,
ah, then pour me out some coffee!

Recitative
Schlendrian: If you don't give up drinking coffee
then you shan't go to any wedding feast,
nor go out walking.
oh! when will I get my way;
give up coffee!
Lieschen: Oh well!
Just leave me my coffee!
Schlendrian: Now I've got the little minx!
I won't get you a whalebone skirt
in the latest fashion.
Lieschen: I can easily live with that.
Schlendrian: You're not to stand at the window
and watch people pass by!
Lieschen: That as well, only I beg of you,
leave me my coffee!
Schlendrian: Furthermore, you shan't be getting
any silver or gold ribbon
for your bonnet from me!
Lieschen: Yes, yes! only leave me to my pleasure!
Schlendrian: You disobedient Lieschen you,
so you go along with it all!

Aria Schlendrian:
Hard-hearted girls
are not so easily won over.
Yet if one finds their weak spot,
ah! then one comes away successful.

Recitative
Schlendrian: Now take heed what your father says!
Lieschen: In everything but the coffee.
Schlendrian: Well then, you'll have to resign yourself
to never taking a husband.
Lieschen: Oh yes! Father, a husband!
Schlendrian: I swear it won't happen.
Lieschen: Until I can forgo coffee?
From now on, coffee, remain forever untouched!
Father, listen, I won't drink any
Schlendrian: Then you shall have a husband at last!

Aria Lieschen:
Today even
dear father, see to it!
Oh, a husband!
Really, that suits me splendidly!
If it could only happen soon
that at last, before I go to bed,
instead of coffee
I were to get a proper lover!

Recitative Narrator:
Old Schlendrian goes off
to see if he can find a husband forthwith
for his daughter Lieschen;
but Leischen secretly lets it be known:
no suitor is to come to my house
unless he promises me,
and it is also written into the marriage contract,
that I will be permitted
to make myself coffee whenever I want.

Trio
A cat won't stop from catching mice,
and maidens remain faithful to their coffee.
The mother holds her coffee dear,
the grandmother drank it also,
who can thus rebuke the daughters!

|8.31.05 @ 7:47PM|#

May I recommend Kona Blend coffee?

Pure kona is a bit too strong for my taste. Also, it's stupidly expensive, as it only comes from Hawaii. But the blend, which I prefer under the 'Millstone' label, is the best coffee I've ever made.

I will drink that Starbucks swill when I'm out with friends. But for actual coffee enjoyment, nothing beats the kona blend I make in my own house.

Jack William Bell|8.31.05 @ 9:05PM|#

You guys don't know beans about good coffee.

Try roasting your own for the best flavor! Also, a home espresso machine that doesn't have a pump capable of putting out at least 15 bar isn't worth a damn. But for the best brewed flavor *ever* use a vacuum brewer.

Yes, I am a coffee fiend. I am also in Seattle, and hate Starbucks coffee with a passion. For the best coffee in Seattle, let me recommend Vivace's on Capitol Hill. They roast in-house and the manager *literally* wrote the book on making perfect espresso.

|8.31.05 @ 9:58PM|#

Ijust can't get going in the morning until I've had that first piping hot pot of coffee.

Oh, I've tried other enemas ...

(Credit: Emo Phillips)

|8.31.05 @ 11:52PM|#

Not sure I buy the whole "Starbucks wouldn't be around today had it not been fer our suffering" argument. Supply & demand...where does your suffering fit into that equation?

Ya yutz, do you think people just started craving good coffee in the 90s out of nowhere? There was a thirty year search for the holy grail once people started catching on to the general degradation of food & drink the US after WWII. It was a subculture that toiled in the wilderness and finally got noticed by the wider culture, sort of like the career of Prince, if that'll help you relate to my point any better.

|9.1.05 @ 4:56AM|#

I can't wait for the study that says donuts help reduce the likelihood of heart disease.

Can somebody tell me why anyone ever made a donut that wasn't chocolate????? I don't get it.....

I'm sure there has to be something good for you in a chocolate donut.

|9.1.05 @ 9:35AM|#

Can somebody tell me why anyone ever made a donut that wasn't chocolate????? I don't get it.....

Seriously.

One of my all-time favorite foods is "little chocolate donuts" (in the spirit of John Belushi). They're waxalicious!

|9.1.05 @ 10:41AM|#

I like black coffee and donuts together, because I'm sure the bitterness and caffeine in the coffee completely cancels out the calories in the donut. At least that's the assumption I'm going on.