"Solution: Do Not Look at Teammates"

Jesse Walker | June 17, 2005

If you liked Matt Welch's story on the locker-room liberty of the '70s, you'll probably enjoy the Dallas Observer's profile of Dock Ellis, the man who pitched a no-hitter on acid.

Comments

|6.17.05 @ 1:20PM|#

An excellent feat, I'm sure the amphetamines helped, but impressive nonetheless. In college, I played my best game of pinball ever while I was coming down. It seemed to last for days (probably about an hour or so actually). Not quite the same thing as a no-hitter, but I'll take my victories where I can get them. Of course, I think I was supposed to be at work at the time, but hell, I had my priorities.

|6.17.05 @ 1:24PM|#

Yep, a good article. I played my best game of Scrabble on X. Ok, not true.

I loved this line, and wish more pitchers felt this way...

"Barry Bonds? I'd hit him at least once a game. 'Cause he's got all that shit on. Yeah, let's see that shit stop the ball from hurting him if I hit him on the motherfucking elbow or something. I'd hit him just to see, does it work?"

Tim Cavanaugh|6.17.05 @ 1:25PM|#

There's a great Chili Davis story where he thought he wasn't playing one game and drank eight rum and cokes in the afternoon, then got called in and went four for four. Or maybe it was four rum and cokes and he went eight for eight. In any event, this was back in the eighties, and I can't find any reference to it online.

|6.17.05 @ 1:46PM|#

My favorite acid story came from one of my high school teachers. He was playing a game of tennis while out of his mind on LSD. His car was parked near the court. At some point during the game, he looked over and saw flames coming from his car. He wrote them off as a hallucination. He also wrote if off as a visual when the firetrucks arrived. When the firemen explained to him that his car was not a burned out pile of rubble, he realized that the whole episode had been quite real.

Not really a baseball story, but I always found that one amusing. And to further derail the topic: that teacher, who was very good at his job, is no longer permited in the classroom. Seems he was caught with a joint in his glovebox, and is now among the ranks of the untouchables.

|6.17.05 @ 1:47PM|#

That should read "was now a burned out pile of rubble".

|6.17.05 @ 1:50PM|#

One time, after accidentally eating a acid-laced oyster cracker intended for my housemate, I watched "The Fifth Element" and could comprehend Chris Tucker's manic way of talking perfectly.

Of course, I also thought at that moment that it was one of the most profound movies I had ever seen.

Gives with one hand, takes with the other.

|6.17.05 @ 1:57PM|#

More well known is the Hollywood Henderson of the Dallas Cowboys playing Super Bowl 13 on cocaine, actually playing the game with a vial of liquefied cocaine in his uniform somewhere.

OT, but he also had the famous line about Terry Bradshaw not being able to spell C-A-T if you spotted him the C and the A. After watching Bradshaw for years on Fox's NFL show, it's hard to disagree.

|6.17.05 @ 2:05PM|#

As a failed mathematician, I understood probably the hardest chapter in my high school summer school geometry textbook whilst coming down from an LSD trip. And explained it to the smart kids in class the next day.

|6.17.05 @ 2:11PM|#

it doesn't seem quite the same. battling hallucinations and a general lack of coherence to throw a no-hitter is one thing, having a physical target upon which to let out your coke-fueled anger would be something else entirely.

|6.17.05 @ 2:20PM|#

BTW, I'm surprised this hasn't been posted yet, but Jeb Bush has ordered a prosecutor to investigate the circumstances of Terri Schiavo's collapse in 1990 including the "unexplained delay" in Michael Schiavo's calling 911: http://apnews1.iwon.com/article/20050617/D8APG8J80.html

As some might recall, I speculated back on March 23 that if Terri died there was the possibility that Michael would be charged with murder: http://www.reason.com/hitandrun/2005/03/how_many_conser.shtml (5th to last post)

|6.17.05 @ 2:24PM|#

SR:

We all know you were high on LSD when you commented on that thread!

|6.17.05 @ 2:29PM|#

I had a friend and a sparring partner, who was one time the 2nd highest ranked light heavyweight fighter in the world. He lost it all after a bad loss and became a crack addict, then beat the crack.

He used to go out to the clubs after having a mix of steroids and X.

Apparently that is quite a mix to go pick up on the ladies with.

|6.17.05 @ 2:29PM|#

Back in college I learned I'm far better at math when I smoke pot. I was studying for a Calc 2 test when this cute girl I liked came over to the frat house and invited me up for bong hits. Not being able to resist a lovely lady, I accepted the invitation (to much taunting w/ my study buddies). After I returned I said I'm cool and understood everything (even though I was stoned off my gourd). I took a practice exam and blew through it. The next day I took the test sober and even though there were a couple problems basically straight off the practice exam that I easily answered, I choked on the test. Afterwards, my friends asked me how I did. I responded, "I shoulda smoked a joint on my way to the test."

|6.17.05 @ 2:31PM|#

"We all know you were high on LSD when you commented on that thread!"

hahaha

Is being in that condition no longer a pre-requisite for posting on H&R?

|6.17.05 @ 2:39PM|#

Was it Dock just threw the ball past the middle one of the three batters?

|6.17.05 @ 2:45PM|#

Is being in that condition no longer a pre-requisite for posting on H&R?

The beauty about Reason and H&R is the free markets and free minds!

|6.17.05 @ 2:51PM|#

"BTW, I'm surprised this hasn't been posted yet, but Jeb Bush has ordered a prosecutor to investigate the circumstances of Terri Schiavo's collapse in 1990 including the "unexplained delay" in Michael Schiavo's calling 911"

Yeah, this is OTS, but fuck'n A.. these asshat Republicans are making such clowns of themselves. Frist is probably the smartest by outright lying about what he said before and quickly suggesting that we all just "move on".

Jeb, on the other hand.. let's rake that poor widower schmuck over the coals AGAIN.. because nothing beats a cloud of innuendo to take focus off the fact that you're a complete moron.

Too bad Michael Schiavo can't sue all these assholes out of their jobs. He would be a very, very rich man.

|6.17.05 @ 3:08PM|#

I'm pretty sure alcohol makes me a better bowler.

I'm sorry, that's the best story I have.

|6.17.05 @ 3:11PM|#

sure, we all know those activist judges would award him an frivolous amount.

|6.17.05 @ 3:23PM|#

I think pot actually made my softball batting skills diminish significantly. Before I started smoking pot (at the tender age of 13), I had possessed excellent hand-eye coordination for softball hitting. Then, mysteriously after I began getting high on a semi-regular basis, I began striking out with a much higher frequency. Of course, I can't blame pot for this; it's all speculation. But it did seem to conveniently corrolate with my batting slump. At the very least, I bet it would make for a gripping after-school, just-say-no film sequence.

|6.17.05 @ 3:25PM|#

What really ruined my future softball career though, was heroin. Try sliding into third with a needle in your arm. (Ouch!I never could get just the right angle.)

|6.17.05 @ 3:25PM|#

I once played racquetball against my dad while I was stoned to the gills. Still whipped his ass...heh heh! All I can say is that ball moves amazingly slow when you're high.

|6.17.05 @ 3:36PM|#

I can testify from personal experience that copious amounts of marijuana -- combined with four months of employment -- helped me to become nearly god-like at playing SSX Tricky on the PS2.

|6.17.05 @ 3:37PM|#

That should have read "four months of unemployment." And no, I am not high at the moment.

|6.17.05 @ 3:41PM|#

SPD, perhaps you should smoke before posting?

|6.17.05 @ 3:42PM|#

Coming down from a very intense acid trip (we bought the tabs from some deadhead at Alpine Valley) one morning, I had to drive though a very heavy fog to get home.

It was a white-knuckle affair: I ended up leaving the main thoroughfares, and using only side streets, so I could stick to about 20 mph as my top speed. Took almost an hour to make a 15 minute drive.

|6.17.05 @ 4:30PM|#

I guess I should add that Angel Dust really plays hell with my ability to play darts.

|6.17.05 @ 4:35PM|#

SPD, perhaps you should smoke before posting?

Sit tight and wait, my friend. The weekend approaches. :)

|6.17.05 @ 4:50PM|#

Well, it's quiting time. Everyone can go home and get stoned. I'll be practicing flycasting. Let's see how that works out.

|6.17.05 @ 4:52PM|#

I did a lot of acid and smoked pot all the time back in the eighties. I failed the ninth grade twice.

Oh, wait a minute, that's not really all that amusing. I'll try again later.

|6.17.05 @ 5:05PM|#

Angel Dust and fly-casting doesn't work well either.

And machete-juggling is right out.

|6.17.05 @ 6:18PM|#

In 10th grade I took a dose at school, and upon coming home my mom could tell something was up. She said "Have you been smoking" No, I said, a wry smile appearing on my face. "Have you been drinking?" she asked. Again, I said no. Although I was telling the truth I couldn't even make it out of the room before I laughed my ass off. She probably still thinks I lied!

|6.17.05 @ 6:48PM|#

I don't anything to contribute here other than to say that Ny-Quil and motorcycles definitely don't go together...

|6.17.05 @ 7:04PM|#

Oh, man, everybody's acting funny around him because of the no-hitter, and he's thinking "Everyone knows. I'm busted!"

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

TWC|6.17.05 @ 10:55PM|#

LOL--great story, never heard about it before. Great comments too. More LOL.

All my acid stories are vicarious. In HS a good friend dropped acid (dating mice elf with that terminology I see) at a party. He spent an interminable amount of time pondering a velvet painting of waves crashing on the beach and in the middle of explaining how the waves were actually crashing upon the beach and getting the carpet wet in the house, he decided it was time to drive home and confess to his father that he had dropped LSD. My desperate explanations about how bad an idea this really was fell on deaf ears.

So we kidnapped him.

|6.18.05 @ 2:04AM|#

Have we learned nothing from The Minstrels of Newcastle and Berlin?

Schwanken: Well.. I was inspired.. you know. We were all drinkin' mead, you know, and uh.. it's just happened, you know? Not like this floggin' strugglin'!

Flutist: But you can't floggin' play on floggin' mead all the time!

Schwanken: Well, I play better when I play on floggin' mead all the time!

Flutist: You just think you play better, but you don't play better! It throws the whole fuckin' timing off! [ looks away, embarrassed at his flub ]

Kevin

|6.18.05 @ 9:09PM|#

I used to do LSD working in the Kroger meat dept. The meat looked strange but we had fun throwing hamburger at each other.