John Glenn's Journeys

Nick Gillespie | February 20, 2005

On this day in 1962, John Glenn became the first American to orbit the earth successfully.

In 1998, in a move that was clearly ripped off from a Simpsons episode in which NASA battles declining ratings for space shuttle launches with publicity stunts, Glenn became the oldest man in space, playing the aptly named role of "payload specialist" on a mission that conducted taxpayer-financed experiments of dubious scientific value.

And, given the relative lack of media interest in his rocket man antics, one of the most frustrated folks associated with the space program since Dr. Bellows on I Dream of Jeannie failed to drum Tony Nelson out of the service. To wit:

When asked by Life magazine why his excellent adventure has been pushed off the front page and back to the classified section, where it battles Love Is... for eyeballs, Glenn sagely hypothesized, "It's because I don't do drugs and I don't rape women between flights. That's what the media feeds on today."

Which suggests one more test NASA may want to conduct on Shuttle Mission STS-95: an experiment to ascertain, if it's true that in space no one can hear you scream, whether it's possible to drown out an old man complaining about how much worse the world is these days.

More here.

Correction: Fixed the Bellows/Nelson issue.

Comments

Franklin Harris|2.20.05 @ 10:25AM|#

In space, no one can hear you kvetch.

|2.20.05 @ 10:31AM|#

Tony Nelson, not Tony Bellows.

Warren|2.20.05 @ 10:33AM|#

HA! Funny shit Nick

|2.20.05 @ 10:50AM|#

How dare you question the value of observing spiders spinning webs in a weightless environment. The cure for the common cold may be hiding in there.

|2.20.05 @ 11:37AM|#

Isn't anyone going to mention when homer smashes the ant farm and the ants floating weightless through space scream "Freedom, horrible freedom"...

|2.20.05 @ 11:58AM|#

I think in order to drum up ratings we should simply have a parade for the inanimate carbon rods!

|2.20.05 @ 12:15PM|#

Glenn continues: "And tell those damn kids on the ISS to turn down that music! I'm trying to avoid drugs and rape down here!"

If anything, I've learned you should never open a bag of potato chips in zero gravity. Especially the ruffled ones.

|2.20.05 @ 1:13PM|#

What the media feeds on... hmm. Let's kill two birds with one stone! The way for NASA to get popular is to start conducting experiments on how good sex is in zero gravity. I still wouldn't want to pay for that research, but they'll win me over if I get to participate.

Sex and space travel. Both pretty rare opportunities for me.

|2.20.05 @ 1:44PM|#

Leaving aside for a moment the issue that obviously NASA shouldn't be tax-funded, yadda yadda yadda....

I have never heard or read any statement in favor of sending Glenn for a victory lap by any scientist not getting NASA funding. It would have been more honest if they had just sent a porn star into space and called it what it was: PR stunts, the final frontier.

Jeff|2.20.05 @ 2:31PM|#

They could sent up a mission made up entirely of fictional astronauts: Tony Nelson, Steve Austin, Jack Nicholson's character from Terms of Endearment. I could be sponsored by TV Land and whatever shitty movie is due out that week.

|2.21.05 @ 10:52AM|#

I was 50/50 on the idea of sending Glenn into space. I was all for sending him up, but not too keen on bringing him back. :)

The Fictional Astronaut Crew would not be complete without Major Matt Mason and John Jameson.

Kevin

|2.21.05 @ 4:10PM|#

I would like to see NASA team up with MTV to do "The Real World: Aboard the International Space Station" with an eclectic and multi-ethnic band of 20-somethings getting it on.

Or better yet, do a season of VH-1"s "Surreal Life" up there. The celebrities should include people with "space-related" careers. Definitely William Shatner. Sigourney Weaver (Alien, etc.). Either Julie Brown or Geena Davis (Earth Girls Are Easy). David Bowie.