Phineas J. Whoopee, You're the Greatest! (But Can You Make Me Straight?)

Nick Gillespie | February 9, 2005

Why didn't the old animated bird Tennessee Tuxedo make it on to the list of closeted gay cartoon characters? Especially given his unnatural, trans-species closeness with Chumley the Walrus--these two were the J. Edgar Hoover and Clyde Tolson of the small screen, fer chrissakes (and let's not forget Commander McBragg's Lord Baden-Powellesque Brit repression).

Well, now a couple of Phineas J. Whoopee-level geniuses at a German zoo have "imported four female penguins from Sweden in an effort to tempt its gay penguins to go straight."

Whole story here.

Link via Freedom News Daily.

Comments

|2.9.05 @ 8:47AM|#

She said that the birds had been mating for years and one couple even adopted a stone that they protected like an egg.

The zoo allowed a gay couple to adopt. Very progressive.

|2.9.05 @ 8:52AM|#

So if they gave me a female penguin, would that turn me Str8 too?

|2.9.05 @ 8:55AM|#

What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Introducing a feather into the bedroom to spice up your sex-life is kinky; bringing the whole damn penguin in is fucking perverted.

|2.9.05 @ 10:47AM|#

Funny, but gay hairdressers are around women all the time, and none of them have changed teams as a result of it. Maybe female penguins have special anti-homosexuality powers that female humans lack?

|2.9.05 @ 11:01AM|#

Maybe the zoo is similar to prison. The penguins aren't gay, they're just looking for any port in a storm. If they ever break out, they'll head north and shag the Swedish hotties.

|2.9.05 @ 11:40AM|#

My ex wife had a male poodle that would shag a male cat. Did that mean the dog was gay? I mean it was a cat. the cat just happen to be male.

|2.9.05 @ 11:45AM|#

The poodle was nailing some pussy?

|2.9.05 @ 11:49AM|#

Phineas J. Whoopee, You're faaaaabulous!

|2.9.05 @ 2:22PM|#

Tennessee Tuxedo gay? Who's next, Clutch Cargo and Johnny Quest?

|2.9.05 @ 2:31PM|#

Johnny's straight, Douglas. But his dad and long-term partner Race Bannon? Welllll...

|2.9.05 @ 3:03PM|#

As I kid, I used to really love the old Jonny Quest show. As an adult I rented some episodes on DVD to reacquaint myself. I was surprised at how easily you could find a gay subtext if you're looking for it. For example, at one point they showed Jonny and Hadji sharing a single bed, and they were shirtless. For all I know, they were both completely naked under those sheets. Together! Two 12-year-old boys! See, that's what happens when you let a gay couple raise kids -- they're recruiting!

|2.9.05 @ 3:08PM|#

Speaking of "Swedish bikini team," here's something I stumbled across last night that may be of interest to all you guys who ain't sissies!

http://www.jassystems.com/ipsc/sbt%20pics/index.htm

Maurice Girodias|2.9.05 @ 3:23PM|#

Thank you, yes, for bringing zis thread into my life.

|2.9.05 @ 3:32PM|#

OH how I wish you all could see what I'm looking at. I sent the story link to a friend, who photoshopped the two foreground penguins with S & M leather getups!

|2.9.05 @ 3:35PM|#

OPUS,

My parents have a male rabbit that tries to screw their male cat. You should see that cat run.

|2.9.05 @ 5:26PM|#

It sure must look funny running with a rabbit on it's back.

GaijinBiker|2.9.05 @ 8:53PM|#

When a New York zoo had gay penguins, the zookeeper helped them adopt an egg and raise the chick.

Germany tries to turn them straight instead. How intolerant for a sophisticated European nation!

http://ridingsun.blogspot.com/2005/02/germans-crack-down-on-gay-penguins.html

If it doesn't work, I wonder if they will make the penguins wear pink triangles...

Rick Santorum|2.10.05 @ 12:49AM|#

Anyone got a female penguin to lure me away from my dog?

Anne Haight|2.10.05 @ 2:08PM|#

In the case of zoo animals, it may simply be that there weren't enough female penguins to go around, or the males couldn't find one they liked. It's common many bird species for one bird to adopt the behavior of the opposite sex if there are only males or only females present.

Pairbonding is instinctive, so they give it their best shot with whoever is available. :) I think that with female choices, the male penguins will "go straight".