I Was Waiting for a Crosstown Train on the London Underground When It Struck Me

Julian Sanchez | January 14, 2005

The bright lights at the London Underground have come up with a new plan to keep teens from hanging about the tube stations: pipe in "uncool" music like Mozart and Vivaldi. Just hope they don't accidentally get anything from Siegfried in the mix; I assume Tony Blair doesn't want to have to explain why a bunch of soccer hooligans just annexed the Sudetenland.

Comments

|1.14.05 @ 3:40PM|#

Not to mention Opera. Its deep similarities to Punk have made it an easy crossover for those "unruly" fans of the latter. Uncool? Subjective. Good luck to Mr. Blair, though, may I suggest something that is objectively unbearable, such as Kenny G?

|1.14.05 @ 3:46PM|#

Sure you get rid of the teens, but you'll start attracting highbrow, longhair, literary types. Now they're scary

|1.14.05 @ 3:53PM|#

Piping in urine stench seems to keep people moving on Boston's Orange Line.

|1.14.05 @ 3:55PM|#

LoL, As a just south of Bostonian, I can corroberate that.

|1.14.05 @ 3:55PM|#

O my brothers, this is bolshy news indeed! Now my droogs and me can sloosh the lovely zvooks of Ludwig Von as we tolchok the old vecks and baboochkas all nochy.

|1.14.05 @ 3:57PM|#

I've read about a couple of towns that had "loitering youth" issues in certain areas were playing C&W music at anti-social volumes, in order to disperse said hordes. Apparently it works up to a point, but I suspect that a country music hating adult like myself would run screaming too :-)

|1.14.05 @ 3:57PM|#

Right, right, right.

|1.14.05 @ 4:14PM|#

A coffee-shop where I live did this and it worked out well. Why don't Libertarians want government to behave as sensibly as any private concern would?

|1.14.05 @ 4:14PM|#

There used to be a quikimart by my high school. To keep the yoots from loitering around in the parking lot they piped in the easy listening channel. You know, Lawerence Welk, Steve and Edie, etc. Worked pretty well.

|1.14.05 @ 4:36PM|#

It should work, as long as no Beethoven-loving "Clockwork Orange" types show up...

|1.14.05 @ 4:38PM|#

One word. Chinese Opera.

|1.14.05 @ 4:39PM|#

"Why don't Libertarians want government to behave as sensibly as any private concern would?"

Well, I didn't post this because I think there's anything wrong with it on libertarian grounds. If it works, bully for cheaply and creatively reducing crime. Though there's something a little sad about the idea that they expect they can reliably repel young people with the 25th in G.

|1.14.05 @ 4:40PM|#

Joe and Mojoe,

Here, here! That's spot on.

|1.14.05 @ 4:43PM|#

There are more than a few Quickie Marts that have done this in our area. They pipe the music in through the PA outside as well. One, in particular, used to be surrounded by the little skate rats. Now? Not a one.

|1.14.05 @ 4:52PM|#

They should pipe in Albert Ayler or some of Eric Dolphy's stuff. That'll clear a room. Even Charlie Parker bugs the squares.

|1.14.05 @ 4:58PM|#

"One word. Chinese Opera."

What are you, Alberto Gonzales? A little humanity, please!

|1.14.05 @ 5:04PM|#

I've read about a couple of towns that had "loitering youth" issues in certain areas were playing C&W music at anti-social volumes

This already happens at the entrace to every mall I've ever been to.

Warren|1.14.05 @ 5:22PM|#

NOOOOOOOOOOO NOT THE NINTH!

|1.14.05 @ 5:27PM|#

DO NOT PLAY COUNTRY MUSIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The consequences could be worse than loitering youths. Just imagine the horror of unfettered line-dancing and the ensuing echoes of heel stomps in the tunnels.

Not to mention the yells of YEEEEE_HAAAAAAAW.

WHERE DID YOU COME FROM, WHERE DID YOU GO
WHERE DID YOU COME FROM, COTTON EYE JOE.

|1.14.05 @ 6:05PM|#

Now if you could get classical music producers (orchestras and record companies) to stop their embarassingly strained attempts at making their "product" seem hip and cool, then you'd really have something.

|1.14.05 @ 6:17PM|#

Jim Walsh: "It should work, as long as no Beethoven-loving "Clockwork Orange" types show up..."

Jim, you missed the post by "Alex" at January 14, 2005 03:55 PM.

Ron Hardin: "One word. Chinese Opera."

I would suggest pop tunes from the subcontinent of India. The guy in the apartment below me use to listen to those, way, way too loud. (And Neil Young too, for some reason.)

|1.14.05 @ 6:34PM|#

Stevo Darkly,

You have to be careful about Asian music - here's one from Bangladesh pulled off of Radio Japan in August 1999, that turns out to be pretty cool, after all the instruments wander in at say 2:00 minutes http://rhhardin.home.mindspring.com/japancut.bang.ram

Who would have thought? And Thai Loogthung music is nice. No, you have to single out the truly wretched genres one by one. Nothing approaches Chinese Opera.

|1.14.05 @ 6:38PM|#

There's always The Nuclear Option: Philip Glass.

Kevin

|1.14.05 @ 6:47PM|#

"One word. Chinese Opera."

If it's supposed to be one word, shouldn't it be "Chineseopera"?

|1.14.05 @ 9:24PM|#

they could pipe in a bunch or microhouse, Pet Shop Boys-esque crap like The Postal Service.

|1.14.05 @ 9:47PM|#

Show tunes. Yes, joe, even the urine stench on the Orange Line (and the Green, and the Blue...) is bearable compared to that. Nothing compares to Big Gay Al's singing.

|1.15.05 @ 1:30AM|#

Another Evil Thought:

Radio Disney.

Kevin

|1.15.05 @ 9:59AM|#

The better half puts on Bjork when she wants some alone time, b/c I'm not hanging around.

|1.15.05 @ 11:55AM|#

The Port Authority bus station in Midtown Manhattan has been doing this for years. They play mostly Baroque musical wallpaper with the intention that it keeps people calm and discourages violence. I don't know if there's anyway to isolate the effects of the music from say, increased police presence or penalties, but hey, the PA is doing its cultural duty to revive composers who would otherwise languish in obscurity.

|1.15.05 @ 12:50PM|#

Kevin,

Regarding Philip Glass, spot on. No film concept can express "bleak, soul-crushing government policy" like a public housing project filmed in grainy winter light with a Philip Glass score.

Two data points from among my favorite movies (and I love how disparate these two films are!): Koyaanisqatsi and Candyman.

raymond|1.15.05 @ 2:13PM|#

Akhnaten and Satyagraha

|1.15.05 @ 10:11PM|#

nice postal service reference


brian, if i heard eric dolphy playing at a train station from anywhere but my headphones i would pass out from shock

|1.15.05 @ 11:59PM|#

I dunno about the Postal Service. If any droogies without divotchkas are reminded of Jenny Lewis, they might go a bit aggro. :)

Kevin

Andrew Ian Dodge|1.16.05 @ 11:50AM|#

Damn someone else mentioned Philip Glass. No one else comes close to the right tunes for the LU.

|1.17.05 @ 7:31PM|#

Ron, I can't access your clip (work blocks all mindspring sites, plus I don't have Real Audio); maybe I can get to it later.

Truthfully, I confess I actually like the sitar. Example: Two guys named Thievery Corporation have a compilation CD of work by various artists called "DJ Kicks," and I like the sitar in the tracks "Emerald Alley" and "Exploration." You can check out the samples on amazon.com. (The first track, "Tropicando" by Les Baxter, was made famous by a Dockers commercial.)

But the stuff the guy in the apartment below me liked was also characterized by loud feminine wailing and shrieking -- probably true of Chinese opera as well, I'll guess.

|1.21.05 @ 2:24AM|#

I have to shoot some of these ideas down, being under the age of thirty. I myself once was a teenager, although not a hooligan. OK:

Philip Glass - wayyy too cool to play. especially for the kids who are high on drugs. then they'll just hang around doing mime and talking to themselves all day.

Bjork - too in touch with the young generation to chase them away.

"they could pipe in a bunch or microhouse, Pet Shop Boys-esque crap like The Postal Service."

again, you'll either get drug addicts, gay clubbers, or transvestites taking the place of the teenagers. or worse, you'll get teenage transvestites, clubbers, etc.

Best bet: I would go with Wesley Willis or Pat Boone. He's pretty awful. Or play a children's CD, like The Wiggles.