Oink Oink

Jesse Walker | January 30, 2003

Remember when the European Union had something to do with free trade? The London Times now reports that farmers throughout Britain "have 90 days to put a toy in every pigsty or face up to three months in jail." The new law comes not from London but from Brussels, which hopes "to keep pigs happy and prevent them chewing each other" -- a noble goal, but scarcely the sort of project that must be worked out on a continental level.

How will this play out in practice? The Times spoke to Neville Meeker of Wiltshire, owner of 1,200 pigs. "I have a note here which says toys must be placed in the sties," he said. "I haven't a clue what it means." The paper elaborates: "Yesterday he tried out a plastic aeroplane and a grey furry teddy bear. They seemed to please a small group of piglets, but he was less enthusiastic: 'These toys won't last two minutes. We've got to give them something that is hard-wearing. It has to be durable enough to withstand chewing for at least six months and we can't use wood because that will cause splinter injuries and pieces could get caught in pigs' throats.'"

It's hard to please a pig. Especially the ones in Brussels.

Update: The EU is denouncing the Times' story as an urban legend because its regulations do not specifically call for pigs to be given toys -- just "objects or materials for manipulation and exploration." This rather literal-minded retort misses the point. British farmers aren't upset because they think Brussels is telling them to buy tickle-me-Elmo dolls for their livestock. They're upset that bureaucrats in another country are micromanaging the upkeep of English pigs.

That said, it's always a mistake to believe what one reads in the London press, and I did pass along one inaccuracy. Farmers who violate the pig statute will not face jail time, though they could be fined up to �2,500.

[Correction via Light of Reason.]

Comments

|1.30.03 @ 4:00AM|#

Oh! I see now. what an enormous difference! "Objects or materials for manipulation and exploration" would NEVER be misconstrued as toys. Why that GI Joe never gets explored or manipulated. And 2500 is, I'm sure, a small price to pay.

|1.30.03 @ 6:57AM|#

Ease up on the EU. Don't you know how easy it is to go stir crazy in an over-civil hole like Brussels? Give me another week in that hell and I'd be bored enough vote for any regulation just to lessen the pain. This is, after all, the place that gave the world Brussels sprouts. Good thing dope is going at a reasonable price over one border, and wine over the other.
Feel sorry for the Germans who conquer the place every generation or so, though.

Kevin Carson|1.30.03 @ 9:15AM|#

Steve:

G.I. Joe's not a toy, dammit, he's an ACTION FIGURE! An ACTION FIGURE!!!

|1.30.03 @ 11:41AM|#

OK. anyone out there who thinks World government is a good idea?

|1.30.03 @ 11:44AM|#

Actually, as far as I know most pig farmers already do something like this, using (mainly) old discarded tires. The word "toy" is a bit odd here, and the justification is a bit third-hand (bored pigs injure one another, dramatically increasing the likelihood of infection and disease, so there is a food-safety issue, however tenuous), but the EU is at least somewhat in line with accepted "best practices."

That having been said, damn but it sounds funny. If this EU thing doesn't pan out, the commissioners have outstanding careers ahead of them in inadvertant stand-up comedy.
--G

|1.30.03 @ 12:15PM|#

Are you sure they didn't mandate a "boy in every pig-sty?"

|1.30.03 @ 12:26PM|#

FYI:

"Oink oink" is a substitution for the gender-neutral "bla bla bla." Men say, "oink oink oink" whereas women say "meow meow meow."

Hope this helps.

korkut|7.1.04 @ 5:52AM|#

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