Obama's Misguided State of the Union

Here's what the president should have said.

(Page 2 of 2)

But then President Bush happened. He added social programs, hired 90,000 new regulators, created a whole new Cabinet-level department (for homeland security), and bailed out banks and automakers. Whew! Then I got elected, and we spent even more.

But now I look at the numbers and get dizzy. We’re eating our future!

So I then asked myself: What was so bad about spending in the Clinton years? He spent $2 trillion per year. That’s a lot. Why do we need to spend more? America doesn’t face greater challenges now than we did then. In many ways, we’re richer now, and life is easier. A government that spends $2 trillion is plenty big. So I announce today my intention to cut the size of the federal government nearly in half—back to Bill Clinton levels. That’s enough.

Oh, and about those drones? I just reread the Constitution, and it says I can’t just kill whomever I want. I’m going to start following the Constitution. I was a law school professor ...”

I can dream, can’t I? Maybe President Obama will say that next year.

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  • bmp1701||

    "I'm here to satisfy my craving for power and adulation. Worship me."

  • Sudden||

    I believe that is the full text of Warty's High School valedictorian speech.

  • Pro Libertate||

    Seriously, if Obama had a shred of decency--a shred--he'd resign, taking Biden with him, and say, "This is all beyond me, sorry. I tried, but I can't solve all of these problems. I recommend a less corrupt and more honest president. Thank you."

  • Bam!||

    Then he can give back his Peace Prize, hell will become a winter wonderland, and pigs will nest in trees.

  • Archduke Pantsfan||

    and John and sarcasmic will agree on a hot chick

  • itsnotmeitsyou||

    and T O N Y will actually make a relevant, well thought out point. Wait, nevermind.

  • Tman||

    I was driving to the bar last night and it was on the radio. I listened for approximately 17 seconds before I had to change the channel so that I wouldn't murder anyone with my car.

    I have no idea how anyone could possibly have watched or listened to the entire speech. You have to be some type of political junkie masochist to put up with 59 minutes of such unadulterated bullshit.

  • Anonymous Coward||

    Captain Morgan. It's lubrication of society and politics.

  • Pro Libertate||

    Lots of rum flows down here, but I've never much cared for Captain Morgan. Until I had Captain Morgan Private Stock, which is actually pretty decent (for this type of rum, anyway).

  • Tman||

    I'm a big fan of Zaya rum. Two cubes and a lime wedge and you have yourself the perfect beach sipping drink.

  • Tman||

  • Pro Libertate||

    I'll have the occasional mojito or Cuba Libre. Though I hardly drink at all, anymore, to be sure.

  • Gary T||

    Did you say bitch slapping drink?

    (naw, musta heard you wrong)

  • Zeb||

    It's not rum if it has shit other than run in it. It is a liqueur.

  • Pro Libertate||

    I hear you, but it tastes good.

  • Jim in Denver||

    I have coworkers who put it on their DVR to watch it again, and the gleam in their eyes as they told me this was more than a little frightening.

  • ||

    What's the purpose of wasting your time writing what the SOTU speech would be if the President had a brain?

  • wareagle||

    someone had an idea of making it be like the CEO's annual report - here's where we are and where we want to go. Instead, it's just one more campaign speech, but with Congress as the audience.

  • Tman||

    Funny you should mention that. This was in the WSJ this morning..

    From Abraham Lincoln's Second Annual Message, Dec. 1, 1862:

    The receipts into the treasury from all sources, including loans and balance from the preceding year, for the fiscal year ending on the 30th June, 1862, were $583,885,247.06, of which sum $49,056,397.62 were derived from customs; $1,795,331.73 from the direct tax; from public lands, $152,203.77; from miscellaneous sources, $931,787.64; from loans in all forms, $529,692,460.50. The remainder, $2,257,065.80, was the balance from last year.

    The disbursements during the same period were: For Congressional, executive, and judicial purposes, $5,939.009.29; for foreign intercourse, $1,339,710.35; for miscellaneous expenses, including the mints, loans, Post-Office deficiencies, collection of revenue, and other like charges, $14,129,771.50; for expenses under the Interior Department, $985.52; under the War Department, $394,368,407.36; under the Navy Department, $42,674,569.69; for interest on public debt, $13,190,324.45; and for payment of public debt, including reimbursement of temporary loan and redemptions, $96,096,922.09; making an aggregate of $570,841,700.25, and leaving a balance in the Treasury on the 1st day of July, 1862, of $13,043,546.81. (cont'd)

  • Tman||

    ..........It should be observed that the sum of $96,096,922.09, expended for reimbursements and redemption of public debt, being included also in the loans made, may be properly deducted both from receipts and expenditures, leaving the actual receipts for the year $487,788,324.97, and the expenditures $474,744,778.16.

    Other information on the subject of the finances will be found in the report of the Secretary of the Treasury, to whose statements and views I invite your most candid and considerate attention.

  • rts||

    It's almost like he's describing the, you know, state of the union. What a concept!

  • Anonymous Coward||

    Hey! When the King wishes to address His Parliament and His subjects, you shut the fuck the up and await His pleasure!

    Geez, these fucking uppity peasants! What, do you think you live in a republic or something?

  • ||

    I blame the burghers -- I mean, after them, how ya gonna keep'em down on the (collective) farm?

    Time for a drone pogrom, methinks...

  • Fatty Bolger||

    President Obama: Now I understand everyone's shit's emotional right now. But I've got a 3 point plan that's going to fix EVERYTHING.

    Congressman: Break it down, Obama!

    President Obama: Number 1: We need more government. Number 2: I'm going to give you more government. And Number 3: That's going to fix EVERYTHING.

  • ||

    South Carolina represent!

  • rts||

    outh Carolina Representative # 1: That's what you said last time, dipshit!
    South Carolina Representative # 2: Yeah, I got a solution, you're a dick! South Carolina, what's up!

  • ThatSkepticGuy||

    You forgot #4, raising taxes on the middle class so that the middle class's taxes don't go up. RICH PEOPLEZ!1111

  • Adamsmith1776||

    It is funny that even though he is term limited, he still seems to be in campaign mode, throwing out goodies and demanding a vote on gun control. Shouldn't someone trying to run a country have spent more time demanding that the Senate hold a vote on a budget.

  • E. Zachary Knight||

    Well, he technically is. For the next two years, he will be campaigning pretty darn hard on behalf of the Democratic party so that it can gain control of the House. Then for two years, he will be able to pass whatever crap he wants.

  • Zeb||

    "For the next two years, he will be campaigning pretty darn hard on behalf of the Democratic party so that it can gain control of the House"

    I don't think he is off to a very good start.

  • ||

    Budgets are for pussies.

  • Loki||

    And balanced budgets are for fags. You don't want to be governed ruled by a pussy faggot, do you?

  • grey||

    "Misguided" seems to imply ignorance and intent to do good. Wouldn't "Obama's Plan to Destroy America" or some other such title be more apropos?

  • Being Waterboarded||

    GOVERNMENT Spending shot up during the world wars, but in peacetime it grew very little.

    Sorry to nitpick, John, but I think it is good to be perfectly clear here. No doubt private spending grew very much (due to the increase in average wealth) during peacetime. I am picky about this one since so many commit Bastiat's broken window fallacy with regards to government spending.

  • Roderick||

    like Edna said I am blown away that anybody can earn $6418 in 1 month on the computer. have you seen this link http://www.FLY38.COM

  • Sudden||

    Sorry Roderick, Edna was only able to earn that money through a webcam. Now, Nutrasweet's vile progeny will not be able to go to college. Your chances of getting $6500 in a month on a webcam are particularly hurt by the fact that Warty's credit card is maxed out from buying and burning Lebron James memorabilia.

  • Sevo||

    Bullshit.
    Edna's a ho, makin' crap up about some damn comPUter.

  • bmp1701||

    But can you spend $10,000 per month, into infinity, while only earning $6418 per month? No, you can't, and that's why you're advertising in the private sector instead of working in government.

  • 34lbs||

    Stossel likes preaching to the choir... He makes good points... but we've heard them all before/

  • grey||

    True, but some of us are new the the choir. Challenging a lifetime of misconceptions and lies takes more than one attempt and more than one voice. Carl Sagan explained science to the masses, we need Libertarian minded people to also convey ideas in a similiar fashion. I'm a huge supporter of Stossel's mainstreaming of libertarain ideas.

  • AlmightyJB||

    Yeah, he's overly simplistic. But I give him props for being one of the first msm guys to start questioning the status quo in the media. His reports were always better than the yellow journalism bullshit everyone else was doing.

  • GregMax||

    We're turning into an Ideocracy. It's like watching the weeds taking over the lawn and not being allowed to go outside and pull any. There are so many fools voting that the only rational conclusion is that liberty is royally screwed.
    (Of course it doesn't help that people want to tell homosexuals which hole to poke or who to marry. Or tell women they can't get abortions.)

  • ||

    So, are we Aristophanic Athens or Yeats' Second Coming?

  • Jim in Denver||

    You certainly are dreaming if you believe Clinton and the Republican Congress balanced the budget. The National Debt went up EVERY year he was in office. You can cite all the accounting tricks in the book that made his budget balance but the truth is he borrowed the money to do it. If that's balanced then so is running up my credit cards keeping my paycheck and then claiming I had a surplus.

    Debt doesn't increase = balanced budget
    Debt does increase = not so balanced budget
    Debt goes down = surplus

  • grey||

    May I sing to the choir? Yes, time to stop giving Clinton props. Too many keep talking as if the mutual goal is a balanced budget. Some even hold the ridiculous notion that the mutual goal is a reduction of the national debt. As I pay attention to those holding the microphones, they either say these are goals or imply these are goals. And yet, following these stated goals they go into the tricks and verbal gimmicky you've mentioned causing both the growth of the debt and increase of the annual deficit. It seems like a politician somewhere needs to burn off this extra layer of false pretense and start speaking in real economic terms: where a cut begins at the deficit spending mark (we begin with the amount of income we have), not as reduction of a completely manufactured spending position.

    If in your analogy I already have massive credit card debt, then I need to stop all spending above my income, and find cuts until I find an excess of income.

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    Nicest chat and chat Iraqi entertaining Adject all over the world
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  • Thomas4||

    Liam. I can see what your saying... Frank`s remark is terrific, I just got a great Car from having earned $9986 this-past/four weeks and-over, 10-k this past munth. it's actualy the nicest-work Ive ever had. I actually started six months/ago and almost straight away began to earn over $87 per-hour. I went to this website,, http://www.FLY38.COM

  • grey||

    Is it true that Thomas4 is a sexual predator and pedophiles?

    Why don't we have a simple report 'spam' button, then the administrators can shut down the account. At least make these guys work to post their spam.

  • Stacy56||

    If you think Alfred`s story is unimaginable..., last munth my cousins step dad basically also brought home $5919 sitting there sixteen hours a week an their house and their classmate's aunt`s neighbour has been doing this for three months and got more than $5919 in there spare time on their computer. follow the information from this site, http://www.FLY38.COM

  • دردشة بغدادية||

    Nicest chat and chat Iraqi entertaining Adject all over the world
    http://www.iraaqna.com

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