What John Stossel Would Ask of Romney and Obama

Liberals and conservatives have real differences. We should state them.

The Republican Convention ended on the theme “Believe in America.” That sounded nice, but it was just another platitude. Mitt Romney’s speech was filled with platitudes: “We will honor America’s democratic ideals....We’re united to preserve liberty.”

Please.

Liberals and conservatives have real differences. We should state them.

America is going broke, and tough decisions must be made. To save our future, we must slow the growth of entitlements and military spending. Mitt Romney was silent about that.

Sure, “Believing in America” means individuals get to decide how to run the businesses we create. But it should also mean that we get to run the rest of our lives, too: whom we marry, what we do for recreation, what substances we ingest, how big our soft drinks are. Mitt Romney said nothing about that.

I want to believe that if Romney is elected, he will finally impose some fiscal discipline and fight to put America on a sustainable course—but his Tampa speech gave me no confidence that he would.

Instead, he pandered, saying, “As governor of Massachusetts, I chose a woman lieutenant governor, a woman chief of staff, half of my cabinet and senior officials....”

So what? What does that have to do with America’s problems? Was that supposed to persuade people that Republicans don’t wage “war on women”? It won’t.

If conventions are mere infomercials, Republicans should at least do them well.

It’s offensive that politicians force taxpayers to pay $18.3 million to subsidize these pep rallies. Sen. Tom Coburn, R-Okla., tried to end the subsidies, saying, “There is no justification for spending public funds on booze, balloons and confetti.” He’s right. But Congress ignored him.

The Republicans did some good things in Tampa, like showing two debt clocks and allowing speakers like Ted Cruz to say, “Rights are secure only when government power is restrained.” But then Mitt Romney spoke. He said nothing of significance.

“Believing in America” means objecting when politicians claim they solve our problems. Romney said he has a “plan to create 12 million jobs.” Huh? Why not 13 million? Why not 50? Promising 12 million is an absurd conceit. When politicians say, “Yes, we can,” we should say: No, they can’t! Government fails, but individuals succeed.

The Dems are worse. What do they stand for? They say they believe in a progressive, liberal society, but to them that means a giant government that pretends to solve problems, causes new ones and then spends even more to appear to solve those problems.

I say “appear” because they never actually do it.

President Obama came in full of promises. What’s he accomplished? He expanded George W. Bush’s dangerous debt. Government spending sets peacetime records. He proposed nothing serious to bring Medicare under control. He didn’t curtail our role as world policeman — on the contrary, the administration routinely bombs several populations by remote control. Military spending continues to grow.

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  • WTF||

    John Stossel on What He Would Ask of Romney and Obama

    "Are you the giant douche or the turd sandwich?"

  • ||

    "Morbo demands an answer to the following question: if you saw delicious candy in the hands of a small child, would you seize and consume it?"

  • John||

    Is that child part of the 1%?

  • BakedPenguin||

    "The question is...uh, unclear. There's no mention of what kind of candy it is, or if anyone is watching."

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Mr. President, like you, I believe in social justice. But I believe in Thomas Jefferson’s idea of social justice: a free society where people are unimpeded by bureaucrats and politicians; where people freely trade goods and services—that is, cooperate—without anyone telling us what to do.

    Then President Obama doesn't agree that you believe in social justice.

  • John||

    But Jefferson owned slaves!!

  • o3||

    to romney - "do you have child-brides or talking lizards?"

    to obama - "do you feel that libertarians are the smart republicans?"

  • Pro Libertate||

    The Urkobold just has one question for the candidates.

  • ||

    "Who is the finest Enterprise captain?" and "Deep dish or thin crust?"

    The answers would settle so many things.

  • Pro Libertate||

    Obama, of course, is a TNG guy, embracing its overt socialism and relative lameness. Romney refuses to admit ever watching any of the shows.

    As for pizza, Obama will choose deep dish (as much as it pains me to admit it), as it's the "Chicago way." Romney can't eat pizza, as pizza offends Mormons.

  • ||

    Deep dish should offend anyone with even the slightest taste.

    I would have thought Obama was an Enterprise guy.

  • John||

    I would think TNG. Picard as the detached technocratic leader. That is Obama.

  • Pro Libertate||

    Not socialist enough. The Urkobold occasionally rants about him being president because of Jeri Ryan--if true, I suppose he's a Voyager fan.

  • ||

    No, I have a feeling Obama's answer would be even worse:

    "What are you talking about?"

  • Pro Libertate||

    Maybe. Though I think he's said he liked Star Trek, and there's that picture of him doing the Vulcan salute.

    I'm a fan, but there's no denying the overt socialism of the later series.

  • ||

    Obama was actually a Romulan faking being a Vulcan when he did that, just so you know, ProL.

  • Pro Libertate||

    Oh, sure. He's no Vulcan. His other hand was on Uhura's ass.

  • ||

    See, we've just run into a conflict. If Obama's wife is a Wookie, he can't be a Romulan, because we'd be crossing the Star Wars and Star Trek streams, and as we all know, crossing the streams is bad.

    What if we say he's a Gungan? Too racist?

  • Pro Libertate||

    Perhaps Wookies are genre-transcendent?

  • ||

    WOOKIES DO NOT WORK THAT WAY!

  • SugarFree||

    Obama is a Medusan, which explains why people vote for him.

  • Randian||

    Obama is Tuvok. QED.

  • Jack the Reaper||

    Perhaps Michelle is actually a Kzin. Then we don't have the crossing of the genre streams.

  • Agammamon||

    There were kzinti in the animated series so this could work.

    I just don't think she's as mindlessly aggressive as the cats. She's certainly not got anything approaching feline grace.

  • SugarFree||

    She's certainly not got anything approaching feline grace.

    She lurches around like a Horta on stilts.

  • C. Anacreon||

  • Mickey Rat||

    kzinti females were bred to be non-sapient.

  • Agammamon||

    Definitely a "Voyager" guy - autocratic leader who thinks she knows everything, tends to belittle or ignore the advice of her senior officers, places her own selfish comfort over that of the crew entrusted to her. Tends to make dumb decisions that get people killed and still not come any closer to achieving her objectives.

    I like Mulgrew - can't stand Janeway.

  • AuH2O||

    Oh, foolish Epi, to deny the greatness of Jonothan Archer. It must pain you to live in a world where he was, in fact, one of the best captains.

    Enterprise is just criminally underrated. Feel-wise, it is way closer to TOS' "Let's explore new worlds and bang aliens" than any of the others.

  • JWatts||

    "Romney refuses to admit ever watching any of the shows."

    Both Romney and Obama have said their Star Trek fans.

    As to which Captain, Obama has said he had a crush on Nichelle Nichols (Uhura), but I still don't see him leaning towards Captain Kirk.

  • Vittorio||

    My ideal politician would answer those questions like so:

    Question - "Who is the finest Enterprise captain"?

    Ideal Politician: "Who gives a damn about Star Trek right now?! The Economy is on the verge of collapse, the loss of incomprehensible amounts of wealth, civil unrest, war, and possibly the greatest chapter of worldwide human suffering. Anarchy will ensue and Tyranny will inevitably follow. Why? Because it has happened to every single government that has debased its currency. Think about Rome, 1920s Portugal, Veimar Republic which led to Hitler... and those are just a few. But... as far as my favorite captain...I'd probably have to go with the Bald guy."

    Question: "Deep dish or thin crust?"

    Ideal Politician: "Hmm... that's a hard one. I'm probably gonna have to say that I'm deep dish on Free Markets and Sound Money, and thin crust on Government."

  • John||

    Obama "Have you seen my wife? What the hell do you think?"

    Romney "Of course not, it would deprive me of my purity of essence and it ruins my temple underwear.

  • Pro Libertate||

    Johnson: "I'm doing it right now."

  • Jesse James Dean||

    LMFAO!!!

    Good thing I had just finished my soda before reading that.

  • Pro Libertate||

    "Do you get pissed every time Martin kills off a main character?"

  • John||

    "Ginger or Maryanne?"

  • Lord Humungus||

    Ginger for the bed, Maryanne to take home to show off to the parents?

  • John||

    I am thinking Maryanne all the way. The quiet country girls usually have a few secrets. They don't have all of those kids out on the farm because they are frigid.

  • ||

    What, you don't think a movie star is impressive enough? You need to show them some professor's assistant instead?

    Man, your priorities are all messed up.

  • Pro Libertate||

    "Jennifer or Bailey?"

  • John||

    Bailey all the way.

  • ||

    Gotta agree with John here.

  • John||

    Poor Loni. She never gets any love.

  • ||

    Loni got plenty of love, John. From Burt Reynolds.

  • SugarFree||

    Me too. Jan Smithers looks like a very dirty girl.

  • John||

    Just for you.

    Jan Smithers as a very comely 17 year old on the cover of Newsweek.

    http://upload.wikimedia.org/wi.....wsweek.jpg

  • SugarFree||

    She has that fresh-face All-American girl-next-door thing going for her that I just want to soil.

  • ||

    NutraSweet wants everything to be as corrupted and foul as he is.

    I totally understand. I want the same thing.

  • John||

    No straight man could look at that face and not want to violate it.

  • John||

    Doesn't she in that picture? It goes to show you don't need nudity to have sexy. That picture drips sex. Surprisingly so for 1966.

  • SugarFree||

    WKRP: Who did Gary Sandy (Andy) piss off? He didn't get an acting job for 15 years after the show ended.

  • ||

    Dude, you don't understand how powerful Richard Sanders was. He took the Les Nessman stuff personally.

  • Pro Libertate||

    I just looked at his IMDB. He had some roles during that time.

  • sarcasmic||

    Bailey all the way.

    Seems we agree on something. How bout that?

  • John||

    Hummangus' parents don't want him mixed up with some bimbo redhead who will have him sniffing coke off her ass on the first date.

  • Lord Humungus||

    did you ever see the Kojak episode with Tina Louise plays a strung out junky?

  • John||

    No. Have to look that up on Hulu.

  • Lord Humungus||

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0621322/

    not a great episode, but amusing for Tina's role.

  • ||

    See if you can find the episode where Telly has a black cop undercover and they fake bust him and some other black guys, and Kojak walks in and goes "what's up, schvartzes?"

    Because that shit was fucking hilarious.

  • Lord Humungus||

    I dunno, she always looked like a movie star on the ropes, begging for that last role - willing to do anything to win the director's favor.

    I'll be in my bunk.

  • ||

    Uh...exactly. Get your damn priorities straight!

  • Randian||

    Next up: Inara or Kaylee?

  • SugarFree||

    Inara, because getting whores to give it up for free is a subtle art.

  • SugarFree||

    Season 1 Buffy, Season 2-3 Buffy, Season 4-5 Buffy, Season 6 Buffy, or Season 7 Buffy?

  • Dr. Frankenstein||

    Willow

  • ||

    Dr. Frankenstein FTW!

  • Virginian||

    Kaylee.

  • JW||

    Kaylee AND Saffron.

  • Jesse James Dean||

    I don't think they would. Obama and Romney both seem to get off on killing.

  • Ice Nine||

    Liberals and conservatives have real differences.

    What?! Everyone here knows there is no difference between them. Stossel must be one of those TEAM guys.

  • SIV||

    The Dems are worse.

    On this statement alone Stossel would be a HitandRunpublican if he commented here.

  • Dr. Frankenstein||

    O.k. which of you knuckle heads is Stossel, which is Penn Gillette and whcih is Drew Carrey.

  • sarcasmic||

    Coke or Pepsi?

  • Lord Humungus||

    Coke - on a hooker's ass.

  • Pro Libertate||

    Again, that's the LP response.

  • Ska||

    And everyone, regardless of political affiliation, knows you blow lines off the hooker's ass - not on it.

  • SugarFree||

    Stevie Nicks argues otherwise.

  • Ska||

    Well then I must concede, because I'm not even a 30 kyu in comparison.

  • SugarFree||

    Well, technically, Nicks liked the coke blown up her ass. So, neither off or on, but rather in.

  • ||

    I always liked Stevie Nicks, and now I like her even more.

  • BakedPenguin||

    "Gold Dust" Woman, huh?

  • BakedPenguin||

    Oh, wait. I thought she liked to have blown up her vagina. Never mind.

  • SugarFree||

    I've heard both. Any mucus membrane will do, really.

  • Pro Libertate||

    "How much for the women?"

  • John||

    Dennis Miller on Twitter:

    Dennis Miller Show @DennisDMZ

    Dems move it inside. GOP should rent Bank of America Stadium for the night, put the empty chair on stage, fill it with silent Republicans.

    The GOP really is the party of stupid or they would do that.

  • Pro Libertate||

    Or just post a billboard from the 90s: "It's the economy, stupid."

  • John||

    The Spinal Tap President.

  • Pro Libertate||

    Spending goes to 11.

  • sarcasmic||

    where people freely trade goods and services—that is, cooperate—without anyone telling us what to do

    But, but, but Tony said there can be no cooperation without coercion!

    Nobody ever gets along unless some brute with a gun tells them to!

    Tony said so!

  • John||

    That is not cooperation. That is exploitation.

  • T o n y||

    Stossel leaves off "except your boss" which in Stossel's utopia would probably be synonymous with "sweatshop autocrat."

    The government isn't the only source of force or coercion in the world. Your fundamental stupidity.

  • Calidissident||

    A boss can't force a worker to work for him in a society that doesn't have slavery. If you don't like your boss you can always quit and get a new job.

  • T o n y||

    At another sweatshop run by another autocrat.

    Worker rights were extremely hard-won for a reason.

  • The Craig||

    Is option C suck dick and become a union leader?

  • T o n y||

    And it took a bloody war to end slavery.

    Even your free market paradise will be standing on the shoulders of a lot of government workers.

  • Jesse James Dean||

    America was about the only country in the world that fought a civil war over slavery. Could it be that it wasn't just about slavery?

  • T o n y||

    Or maybe it means Americans are particularly ill-suited to create a just free market.

  • George26||

    So a libertarian society couldn't happen because we need a big government to end slavery. Wait, wouldn't there already be no slavery in a libertarian society? Logic fail!

  • T o n y||

    Well there would be unlimited money and unicorns in my fantasy society I just thought up in my armchair.

  • Pro Libertate||

    "If you could nuke only one country, which country would you nuke, and why?"

  • T o n y||

    Mitt: Which contributes more to your bizarre alien nature, your lifelong privilege or your lifelong teetotalism?

  • Kent||

    Liberal and conservatives may have real differences, but for politicians, its only a rhetorical device. If you want more freedom, you just have to take it.

  • Mongo||

    "Is pro wrestling fake or real?"

    [Gets knocked to the floor]

  • George26||

    "The Dems are worse"

    Its about time a reason writer made this point clear. I'm sick of reading articles about a "bipartisan this and that bad thing" that never mentions how republicans are part of that bad thing or the idiotic phrase "democrats want to regulate our economic lives, republicans want to regulate our personal lives" The correct phrase should be "democrats want to regulate our econmic and personal lives and republicans don't like sexually primicuous pot smokers and occasionally propose some stupid government program to fix it, but becuase I see no difference between libertarianism and libertinism, I hate them both equally."

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