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5. Go Away Gray Hair Care
As George W. Bush and Bill Clinton could tell him, being the leader of the free world is tough on any man's hair. Both aged noticeably during their years in office and Obama is no exception to the rule. Just like the best-seller list (but presumably without the light-bondage motif), his hair has been turning 50 shades of gray since taking office. Presidents can't all be Ronald Reagan, whose hair stayed more magically blue-black than Superman's despite two full terms at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
For around $20, Go Away Gray shampoo and conditioner is a leader "in preventing and reversing gray hair. Also promotes thicker, healthier hair, making you look and feel years younger." Sure, like all similar products, it will actually look incredibly fake. But when you're the president, you need every edge you can get. And nobody will ever tell you anyway.
Nick Gillespie is the editor in chief of ReasonTV and Reason.com and co-author with Matt Welch of The Declaration of Independents: How Libertarian Politics Can Fix What's Wrong With America, just out in an updated paperback edition. His dream SkyMall gift is the Portable Infrared Sauna.