How to Spot a Terrorist Mastermind

Some helpful hints for the Pakistani government

(Page 2 of 2)

(6) Google him. Nowadays most people have an online presence of some kind—a Facebook page, a blog, a network of associates on LinkedIn. Look for patterns and themes. A single post reading, "Death 2 Infidels!!!!!" does not mean much by itself. But it grows in significance if your suspect also Tweets, "@AQAPfan — yes death 2 infidels; see sura 9:5 you ignorant spawn of apes and pigs." If the suspect also posts a video of himself decapitating an American hostage or vowing to rain the fires of hell upon the American sons and daughters of Shaitan, all the more reason to keep an eye on him.

Not every recluse who lives in a fortified compound and wages holy war is a terrorist, and mistakes are bound to happen. But when you're tasked with preventing the nuclear immolation of a major metropolitan area, it's better to err on the side of caution. Share this information with your coworkers in the security community. And remember: If you see something, say something.

A. Barton Hinkle is a columnist at the Richmond Times-Dispatch. This article originally appeared at the Richmond Times-Dispatch.

Editor's Note: We invite comments and request that they be civil and on-topic. We do not moderate or assume any responsibility for comments, which are owned by the readers who post them. Comments do not represent the views of Reason.com or Reason Foundation. We reserve the right to delete any comment for any reason at any time.

  • | |

    A. Barton Hinkle Heimer-Schmidt
    Hey, that's my name, too
    Whenever we go out
    The people always shout
    There goes A. Barton Hinkle Heimer Schmidt
    LALALALALALALA

  • Spiny Norman| |

    They also say "Derka derka jihad" all the time. It's a dead giveaway.

  • Corporate Drone| |

    and they like BALLS!

  • Mr. FIFY| |

    Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls?

  • Middle Age Crazy| |

    I was sure I was going to see that when I moused over for the alt-text.

  • | |

    This was pointless but I found a few passages more than mildly amusing. A vast improvement over the other pieces y'all have published by Herr Hinkle.

  • Off-camera horse| |

    (frightened whinny)

  • Knight in Armor w/ chicken| |

    swats Off-camera horse with a rubber chicken

  • SIV| |

    "He was always very quiet and polite."

    "He never caused any trouble."

    "We're all in shock. That sort of thing just doesn't happen around here."

    Much of the time when local ATL TV news reports a homicide outside a " fast food fried chicken restaurant", the survivor's kin remark what a tragic shame as the victim was "just turning his life around".

    Perhaps bin Laden was turning over a new leaf.

  • SIV| |

    the survivor deceased's kin

    D'oh!

  • | |

    they had signed up for Jenny Craig?
    Guns don't kill - fried chicken outlets do

  • the real OO| |

    why fried chicken? hummm....

  • SIV| |

    You can get fried chicken, chat up some young ladies who hold a job, and get proof of applying for work to give to your probation officer all in one stop.

  • OO| |

    u mean chat up some hoes right?

  • AblueSilkworm| |

    Racist! I believe the term is "Holla".

  • sarcasmic| |

    Signs of a possible domestic terrorist:

    Registered Republican or supporter of non-leftist Third Party
    Flies an American flag at home
    Talks about "states' rights" and "limited government"
    Can quote the Constitution
    White skin
    Drives a domestic vehicle
    Military vet
    Oppose gun control
    Listens to talk radio
    .
    .
    .

  • | |

    Likes Tea and Parties

  • C| |

    and Granola

  • The Gobbler| |

    .
    .
    .
    .Profit?

  • Fiscal Meth| |

    Not that one. That one isn't an indicator but a crime in itself.

  • sarcasmic| |

    That's right. Profit is theft.
    When you come out ahead through a voluntary transaction you are no better than a common thief.
    Taxes on the other hand, being involuntary in their nature, are a perfectly acceptable if even noble way of acquiring wealth.

  • Underpants Gnomes| |

    We saw what you did there.

  • Sku| |

    Yeah, how could you possibly miss the Weathermen, the JDL, the Symbionese Liberation Army, the Animal Liberation Front, the Black Liberation Army, or Maj. Nidal Malik Hasan with an accurate profile like that?

  • sarcasmic| |

    What are you talking about?
    Those groups supply the president's top advisers.
    How could they possibly be subversive?

  • AlmightyJB| |

    You forgot home schoolers and christians

  • | |

    Enjoys subversive anti-government texts like 'One Flew over the Cockoo's Nest' and 'Animal Farm'.

  • Max| |

    What you really need is a method for spotting a viable libertarian-leaning presidential candidate. Hint: if he looks a lot like Grandpa in "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and sounds like some old fuck on the back of the bus, he's probably not your man.

  • Max| |

    That was an oblique reference to Ron Paul, by the way.

  • sarcasmic| |

    I thought you were complaining about your small penis.

  • D-oh| |

    Define "oblique".

  • Warty| |

    Edward, have you ever had sex?

  • | |

    Do Fleshlights count? Because he goes through one of those a week.

  • Warty| |

    I have trouble believing that he can sustain an erection.

  • | |

    I just tried to post a link to mocking photo... And the server squirrels took it and told me I was a spammer. Thus PROVING Max is on Reason's payroll. I assume it is to angry up "our" blood to be good little warriors in the kochtopusarmy... or navy, I suppose. What? Does that make the Kochtopus like Aquaman? Fuck you stumpy! I'm not taking orders from no Jar-Jar related water creature.

    Wait. What was I saying?

  • Matt Felch| |

    This article was a waste of time.
    Sorry Mr. Hinkle, no offense...

  • Middle Age Crazy| |

    “Dying is easy, comedy is hard.”

  • | |

    "Gary, you didn't kill your brother. Those gorillas did."

  • Tman| |

    "I couldn't wait to see it. After the show I was asked if I wanted to go meet some of the performers backstage. Man, I was thrilled. But when I got back there, they were drunk and out of control. Rumpus Cat and Macavity kept feeling up my leg. I tried to leave, but, Rumpleteazer held me down, and... I was raped by Mr. Mistoffelees. "

  • | |

    "Does he go to block parties, attend PTA meetings, run in the Race for the Cure, or participate in Neighborhood Watch?"
    No
    "...Or does he stay inside..."
    Yup...watching porn...

    "Go through his trash. Sure, it's kinda gross"
    Well, yeah! and it is very, very, very sticky. I can imagine someone saying, 'damn, how can one man produce so many mayonaise laden tissues?'

    GULP - I'm a terrorist mastermind!!!

  • Anonymous Coward| |

    Neighbors are often a surprisingly good source of human intelligence, or HUMINT.

    You know who else wanted people to rat on their neighbors?

  • | |

    The D.A.R.E program ?

    No wait, that was kids ratting on their parents...my bad.

  • AlmightyJB| |

    Drink

  • Barely Suppressed Rage| |

    Geraldo Rivera?

  • Tim| |

    I heard a rumor that they've saved Bin Laden's head and are going to kick it through the goal posts at the Superbowl.

  • | |

    I'd pay a dollar to see that.

  • almightyjb| |

    I'd pay a thousand to do it.

  • A Serious Man| |

    Easy, just observe carefully how they react around goats. If they start crying or become irate, then you know!

    "I was just a boy when the infidels came to my village in their Blackhawk helicopters. The infidels fired at the oil fields and they lit up like the eyes of Allah. Burning oil rained down from the sky and cooked everything it touched. I could only hide myself and cry as my goats were consumed by the fiery black liquid death. In the midst of the chaos, I could swear that I heard my goats screaming for help. As quickly as they had come, the infidels were gone. It was on that day I put a jihad on them."

  • | |

    Perhaps "How Not to be Seen" is part of al Qaeda's training regimen?

  • Tim| |

    "Pro Libertate, would you mind standing up please?"
    ---
    "Pro Libertate has learned the first rule of not being seen, not to stand up."

  • Achmed| |

    I keel you!

  • | |

    lol, OK that sounds like a good read dude Wow.

    www.anon-web.es.tc

  • Karl| |

    It is far easier to get information about your suspect terrorist if you subdue them by placing either a 5.56mm or 6.8mm bullet between the oculo-orbital sockets. This should render them quite passive and very compliant.

    Once subdued you are free to search their belongings to determine if further action is needed.

    Also ISI uniforms are dead giveaways to terrorist activities.

  • nike shox| |

    is good

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