A Freezer Menagerie
The carnivore's life
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It’s not as if mankind was destined to limit ourselves to such a small menu. Consider God’s input on this important question:
And [Peter] saw heaven opened, and a certain vessel descending unto him, as it had been a great sheet knit at the four corners, and let down to the earth: Wherein were all manner of four-footed beasts of the earth, and wild beasts, and creeping things, and fowls of the air. And there came a voice to him, Rise, Peter; kill, and eat. (Acts 10: 11-13)
Self-proclaimed “radical” journalist Alexander Cockburn has called the Bible “the meat eater’s manifesto,” and he’s quite right. We’re by nature omnivorous—anything that doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.
But humans don’t usually eat animals that eat each other. There are a variety of reasons for that: pathogen vectors, taste, muscle fiber, and the difficulty of hunting animals who are hunters themselves. Even pigs, which are considered unclean by quite a decent swath of the world’s population, don’t make it a habit to dine on flesh, so many of us eat them happily. It is more than a mere accident of history that cattle became our staple, and not big cats or small rodents.
A little carnivore here and there in our modern, hygienic era never hurt anyone, though. The ultimate in impressively carnivorous animals is the lion. Last summer, a friend claimed to have a freezer full of lion meat (and no particular taste for it) after returning from a stint in South Africa, but he left town again before I managed to snag some. To this day, I weep bitter tears at the thought of the one that got away.
I can only assume that the main reason humanity domesticated cows, and not kangaroos, is that cows are easier to catch in the first place—and happened to be on the appropriate continents—since kangaroo is delicious. It is, however, very lean, and would have been prone to drying out under most primitive cooking conditions. Cattle have been domesticated since at least the early Neolithic period, and are often referred to as the first form of wealth.
But the reason we mostly eat cows and pigs is that we have spent a huge amount of time and cultural capital making them taste perfect. Like Goldilocks’ porridge, beef is just right: fatty but not greasy, rich but not sickening, tender but not mushy, and flavorful but not gamy. This wasn’t always the case—the Neolithic ancestors of the placid bovines in roadside fields were a bit spunkier all around—but our ancestors, also a pretty spunky bunch, must have seen or tasted something in cattle that made them decide these slow, bigheaded beasts were worth the effort of domestication.
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In “The Pimienta Pancakes,” another tale from the same volume of stories, steaks cut from the carcasses of fleet-footed, even-toed ungulates get another name-check. Our narrator comes upon the camp cook who, in order to chat, “laid down his six-shooter, with which he was preparing to pound an antelope steak.”
Perhaps surprisingly, I have yet to dine on antelope. But my partner in pursuit of strange beasts managed to find some in Williamsburg, Virginia. Perhaps ironically, he was ducking out of a conference on the obesity epidemic ravaging our nation. He and his companions, scoffers all at the conference’s dire predictions, feared the lunch would be too sparse for their tastes, or worse, too “foofy.” As luck would have it, a nearby restaurant was offering the least foofy meal imaginable: antelope. Any meal where the recipe might plausibly begin “pound the steak with the butt of your six-shooter until tender” should be manly enough for even the most carnivorous diner.
The wide world of odd meat is far from conquered. My esteemed colleague at Reason magazine, Ron Bailey, has publicly declared a filet of springbok antelope consumed in Johannesburg “the tastiest meat I’ve ever eaten.”
Fox-hunting may be outlawed in much of Britain these days, but a friend from Boston, claims to have eaten fox at home in Shanghai. So now, I’m on a foxhunt of my own, so to speak. But my campaign doesn’t require a red coat, rising at dawn, or much you-hallooing. And I’ve sorely neglected the fox’s other small rodentine cousins: Squirrel, groundhog, opossum, and beaver all remain untasted.
But there’s reason, after eating my way though much of Genesis, I still wind up with the domesticated basics in my fridge and on my plate on the average Tuesday. I could get the flesh from nearly any animal anywhere with surprisingly little effort and no more expense than a nice dinner out. Beef is what’s for dinner precisely because it has been what’s for dinner for millennia.
***
The narrator in the O. Henry story that started it all wasn’t convinced by his companion’s description of his perfect breakfast. He, too, prefers the familiar:
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Deja Vu all over again..
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Yes Katherine, the Bible has lots of things to say, and some of them are really stupid. Stoning for adultery or genocide anyone?
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Aha! Sounds like you haven't tried cuy! Guinea pig, to us norteamericanos. A popular country dish in Ecuador, it's much like a very fat rabbit in taste. You can get it flattened, fried, and served with the head and feet or without......
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emmajane, I'll stick with good ol' fashion lechon.
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I love animals
They're delicious -
We need Mister Nice Guy's input on this.
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Aha! Sounds like you haven't tried cuy! Guinea pig, to us norteamericanos.
Or it's relative, the only fur bearing, air breathing, milk producing fish on the planet. -
Is it Groundhog Day again?
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When in Dallas, please visit:
www.yoranchsteakhouse.com/home/home.html
for some wild boar, or elk.
It's pretty good! -
Not ONE mention of horse meat?
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Elk.
Elk is so delicious I was actually motivated to go out and get one my very own self. -
If Katherine would like to go on a date with me, she can eat anything she pleases, steak or otherwise.
Yes, I know she's married. She's not a picky eater, I'm not a picky dater!!
Good work!
Bill Walsh -
You need to try mice Katherine. I don't know of any aspect of human cuisine that uses them, but pretty much every small predator eats them, so they can't be that bad.
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if we're not supposed to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?
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I'm sorry, I started to scroll really, really fast after a few words. Other than the fact that many libertarians are a-holes, what was the point?
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MattXIV - clearly you are not familiar with Roman foodstuffs; dormice used to be a delicious appetizer, along with garum, a tasty fermented fish paste.
I love exoticmeats.com. I ordered the frogs, snapper turtle, kangaroo, and bear burgers and they were magnifico. I actually ordered them to cook my prom dinner, and terrified my date by serving her kangaroo kebabs, frog fricasee, bear burgers, and snapper soup. An alliterative, elusive feast. -
Lonewhacko-
If you're going to troll, might I suggest that you try being funny and/or provocative?
Just a little hint for ya. -
Katherine, I love your culinary writing, and I apologize for being so harsh on you in the past.
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Russ 2000,
"Not ONE mention of horse meat?"
When I lived in Japan I ate raw horse sashimi along with kujira, whale. I definitely see why the japanese keep ignoring all those animal rights people. They're delicioius!! -
One has not lived until they have cut the tenderloins out of a recently deceased whitetail and immediately fried them up to go along side some pancakes with maple syrup.....
And BTW, cleaning one of dem der snapper turtles is quite an adventure, lemmie tell ya. -
Bravo for a great article!
Momos certainly are delicious. The thrill is even greater when they're filled with beef and consumed illegally in cow-worshiping India's Saffron Belt. -
What the hell was that?
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Unfortunately, since market hunting is illegal, most, if not all, game meat sold in restaurants is farm raised. That is not necessarily a bad thing, except that deer meat shipped from New Zealand, say, will lack the freshness of something local. Of course, considering that most hunted deermeat ends up being frozen for months, it might not matter at all.
I'm not sure how exactly the laws on market hunting work exactly. It is legal to give meat you have hunted away and I believe a restaurant can serve game and charge for it as long as it was obtained free of charge.
Of course if your poor enough to go to a food pantry you can get yourself some venison donated to any one of several programs by hunters who have more than they can handle. -
".....I actually ordered them to cook my prom dinner, and terrified my date by serving her kangaroo kebabs, frog fricasee, bear burgers, and snapper soup."
Did you get laid? -
absolutely not
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"Did you get laid?"
"absolutely not"
Then why waste our time with the story? -
I think that, for Randolph, giving her his meat was a lot more important than giving her his meat.
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Based on the unfortunate inaccuracy of KM-W's previous culinary reporting (Belgian BBQ Tax remembered!), I pesonally doubt her ability to distinguish kangaroo from discount beef.
But fiction can be amusing. -
I'd say most guys here have tried beaver. But there's a restaurant near Richmond, KY that serves (or once served) big plates of fried turkey testicles. Better enjoyed if your buddies don't tell you what you are eating until after you've gobbled about 1/2 a plate.
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"I can only assume that the main reason humanity domesticated cows, and not kangaroos, is that cows are easier to catch in the first place-and happened to be on the appropriate continents-since kangaroo is delicious."
A good explanation for why some animals were domesticated and some weren't can be found in Jared Diamonds book "Guns, Germs, and Steel". There are six general traits that make a species a good candidate for domestication;
* Diet - To be a candidate for domestication, a species must be easy to feed. Finicky eaters make poor candidates. Non-finicky omnivores make best candidates.
* Growth Rate - The animal must grow fast enough to be economically feasible. An elephant farmer, for example, would wait perhaps 12 years for his herd to reach adult size.
* Problems of Captive Breeding - The species must breed well in captivity. A species having mating rituals prohibiting breeding in a farm-like environment make poor candidates for domestication. These rituals could include the need for privacy or long, protracted mating chases.
* Nasty Disposition - Some species are too mean and nasty to be good candidates for domestication. The farmer must not be at risk of life or injury every time he enters the animal pen. The zebra is of special note in the book, as it was recognized by local cultures and Europeans alike as extremely valuable and useful to domesticate, but it proved impossible to tame. Horses in Africa proved to be susceptible to disease and attack by a wide variety of animals, while the very characteristics that made the zebra hardy and survivable in the harsh environment of Africa also made them fiercely independent.
* Tendency to Panic - Species are genetically predisposed to react to danger in different ways. A species that immediately takes flight is a poor candidate for domestication. A species that freezes, or mingles with the herd for cover in the face of danger, is a good candidate. Deer in North America have proven almost impossible to domesticate, and have difficulty breeding in captivity. Horses, however, immediately thrived from the time they were introduced to North America in the 1600s.
* Social Structure - Species of lone, independent animals make poor candidates. A species that has a strong, well defined social hierarchy is more likely to be domesticated. A species that can imprint on a human as the head of the hierarchy is best. Different social groups must also be tolerant of one another. -
For exotic game cooked Churrasco Style, I suggest "The Carnivore" in Nairobi Kenya. I ate what they claimed to be Giraffe and Zebra. This was several years ago as a first stop on a safari with the family. I hope that the it is still there and still great.
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I also ate horse meat in Kazakstan. It sucked because it was boiled, maybe one day I'll try it with a better method of cooking. The pepper vodka was good though.
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Wow! Congratulations! You are really something!
Your passion for long-distance internet cuisine has given me the courage to go out and eat dogs and cats! And humans! Since we humans, cows, pigs, and antelope are all physiologically and neurobiologically almost identical, why not?
The Bible says we can! -
EB, I entered the comment thread intending to mention The Carnivore. I grew up in Nairobi and have plenty of childhood memories of eating Crocodile, Zebra and all sorts of other game. I got a taste for exotic meats early on in life.
The Carnivore is still around, but I hear that a number of laws now forbid them to serve the game they once did. -
Perhaps in a nod to this concern, some ranchers have proposed calling kangaroo "australus" when it appears on a plate, in the same way that we call cows "beef" and pigs "pork."
There's a downside to this practice. I was in a less than fine dining eatery a while back and ordered the special "Pig Meat". It was mighty tasty. When I walked out, I saw on the small chalkboard that the special of the day was "Pigmy". Sorry, I couldn't resist.
Internet hunting, using a Webcam and remote-controlled rifle, could soon be a possibility.
Actually, internet hunting is now banned in most states (I think it's banned in all states).
My campaign to consume bits of increasingly bizarre animals
The animals you're eating aren't bizarre, they're normal food in other parts of the nation/world. They're just different fare than is typically served in your area. You want bizarre? Try the road kill stew in Louisiana but don't ask what's in it. -
Katherine - You might check out The Scavenger's Guide to Haute Cuisine, a book by Steven Rinella. In the course of a year, he hunts or scavenges all the main ingredients for a wild feast, drawing inspiration and recipes from the pages of Escoffier's food bible, La Guide Cuisine.
With just the right hint of hubris and a fair dose of hilarity, the book becomes truly inspiring with Rinella's characterization of self-procured foodstuffs. -
Great article! One correction: foxes are canines, not rodents.
I agree with your friend that Springbok is one of the best meats I have ever tasted. I had mine on safari this Aug. grilled in the bush right after harvest. Giraffe is also superb when cooked immediately, although it is considerably tougher.
Among other African species Gemsbok (Oryx), Kudu and Warthog were delicious and mostly unlike any domestic animal's flesh. Warthog is considerably better than its stateside analog the wild boar.
If you get a chance try Elk - truly the food of the Gods. -
This was the best article I've read anywhere this year. You have made me want to go out hunting for something tasty and exotic. Where is my laser mouse? ...click, click.
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Boring. Why haven't you eaten rat? It's not exactly hard to come by. Or dog for that matter?
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Best meat I've eaten is Musk Ox, at the Northern Territories pavilion restaraunt at the 1986 World's Fair in Vancouver, B.C. Better even than Moose or Ostrich.
There's a good-sounding recipe for rat (as "Millers") in "Lobscouse and Spotted Dog: Which It's a Gastronomic Companion to the Aubrey/Maturin Novels (Patrick O'Brian) by Anne Chotzinoff Grossman, Lisa Grossman Thomas, and Patrick O'Brian.
--AG -
This is not meant to be an exercise in double meanings, so relax. I can recommend beaver as an edible meat, we had a friend of the family who trapped them out of the small creeks they would dam to make lakes for their lodges back in the sixties when I was growing up. Not being one to waste much, he gave the carcasses to my mom who baked them over onions, carrots and potatoes in the old granite pan usually reserved for capons or the occasional large pork roast. The meat was a bit greasy and was actually quite filling. It tasted like a really large rabbit or a bunch of squirrels except the bones were a lot larger.