The Vets' Case

A detailed analysis of the Swift Boat affair

Jesse Walker | August 25, 2004

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YOUR BOSS: You used to be one of the most reliable workers I have. But in the last month, you've lost five clients by telling them the Bush administration is planning to lock up Michael Moore and use nuclear weapons in Najaf. The only person who's alienated more customers in that time is Bruno.

READER: Bruno?

YOUR BOSS: He works in the San Diego office. He keeps telling people that Bush should lock up Michael Moore and use nuclear weapons in Najaf.

DR. WILSON: We're getting off track. You were all going to explain how this election fixation has affected your relationship with this reader.

YOUR SISTER, LYNN: Remember how you babysat for me and Ted last week?

READER: Sure. What about it?

LYNN: Suzie's been having nightmares ever since! Who told you it was OK to tell her all those scary stories about Ralph Nader?

READER: I can't believe you're even bringing up that night. You got me to stop working on my psychological profile of Donald Rumsfeld and come over by saying you were going out to see Fahrenheit 9/11. But Ted told me yesterday that you actually saw Jersey Girl!

TED: Uh-oh. Did I let the cat out of the—

READER: And you, Dad! Sure, you want me to stop my blogging. You've been a Republican all your life! You just want me to stop telling people the truth!

YOUR FATHER: What people? No one reads your blog, son. We don't even open your e-mails anymore—the attachments are too big.

LYNN: I lost a day's worth of messages because you filled up my mailbox with those videos you downloaded from MoveOn.org. Couldn't you just send the URLs?

READER: Did you watch the videos? The Republicans are trying to make an issue of John Kerry's Vietnam service. That's despicable!

BRUNO: Well, then how come Kerry made such an issue out of his Vietnam service? That's all he talked about in Boston!

YOUR BOSS: Bruno, what are you doing here?