DOA PDBs

What else did the President know?

Tim Cavanaugh | April 15, 2004

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DOJ must shift from a reactive to a proactive role in its fight against indecency. Lam Nguyen will head task force whose staff will be drawn from anti-terror, violent crime specialists.

Franzen Headed for Oprah Club Blowup

September 11, 2001

Literary lion Jonathan Franzen's sensitive family saga The Corrections may be headed for a highbrow/middlebrow dustup. TV personality Winfrey plans to give the novel a book-club boost, according to Stedman **********. Reviewers and literary scuttlebutt indicate the hoity-toity novelist will insult Oprah and her fans with his snooty comments.

AG Ashcroft has dedicated 100 DOJ staffers to scanning The Corrections for cusswords.

DiIulio, O'Neil, Clark Praised as "Team Players"

October 23, 2002

Treasury Secretary and chiefs of counterterrorism and faith-based initiatives are all solidly on the team. According to Karen ******, all three can be counted on to keep their lips sealed. "Executive privilege above all" is their motto!

Red Carpet Disasters Imminent

March 4, 2003

Couturiers, style vultures, and catty dress critics are predicting "the ultimate fashion fiasco" at the Shrine Auditorium. Domestic US will be subjected to a "symphony of style-free flops," says expert Mr. ********. Increasing volume of rag trade traffic indicates a brewing catastrophe of "dull, dowdy and devastatingly dreary" gowns. AG Ashcroft investigating reports of exposed navels, determined to pursue "cohorts in couture crime."

Matrix Sequels Expected To Suck

April 21, 2003

Industry players, pustular geeks advise against believing the previews: Sequels will be terrible. Cool plot twists could be discarded; tiresome philosophy and predictable action scenes will make even fans question their love of the franchise, says ***** of Aint it ****. Opinions differ, however: "Both of these films will be The One!" exclaims expert Joel ******.

Super Bowl Organizers Concerned About Wardrobe Functionality