Judge Orders No Dream Dates With Sheltered Twelve

Media schlimazel gets Cedarbaumed as jury hears tale of sunny days

Elizabeth Koch | March 3, 2004

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Counsel: [More.]

Judge: Well, that's fine. This trial is sui generus in many regards. What else?

Assistant U.S. Attorney Karen Patton Seymour stands: "I would suggest that, to prevent jurors from being harassed, we establish some means of addressing that potentiality."

Judge: I think I can rely on the integrity of the press not to disobey my orders.

The sad little man leaves. Just as the door slams on his heels, Cedarbaum starts yelling, "Is the media lawyer still here? Will someone get him?" A court attendee hauls him back in front of the judge. He stands before her, wrists crossed at his back, chin to trachea.

Judge: I've just received notice that both Illinois and North Carolina agree with my practice.

She smiles and tries to shoo him away again, but he begs for one last scrap.

Counsel: [Inaudible.]

Judge: I'd say, from the time I receive the note and the jury gets seated—about five minutes. I cannot hold up the verdict so a town crier go round people up.

I guess we'll be camping out. And by the way, if anyone's interested in buying a transcript of the trial, the total is $5,327.30 to date. Yeah—the courts assumed you wouldn't be.