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Rated "R" for Smoking

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Just then a supremely cerebral, transcendentally imperturbable gentleman approached. He removed a pipe from his mouth and asked, in a charming French accent, "Is there a problem?"

Bond looked up and tried to talk. "Inspector Maigret! Just in the nick of time! This man is telling us we can't smoke in a James Bond film. But the new Bond film is the first movie in 13 years to feature Bond smoking, and yet it far more successful than any of the non-smoking 007 films. In short, inspector, his demands are irrationally founded. That's against the law in France, isn't it?"

"Oui," agreed the inspector. "As a Parisian commissaire, I take Cartesian misbehavior quite seriously. Come along."

"I will indeed come along," answered the finger-wagging prof. "We're going to have to do something about that pipe of yours."

Bond and the mobster helped each other to their feet. As they relit their cigars, the mobster slapped Bond on the back. "Let me tell you a secret about Stanton Glantz," the mobster said. "I quite like heem."

"Like him?" asked a surprised Bond. "Why is that?"

"Because before he's finished," came the answer, "everyone will be buying their tobacco from me."

Page: 12

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