Sex and the Census

Post-revolution data on toxic bachelors, choice, and children

Cathy Young from the August/September 2001 issue

(Page 2 of 2)

As always, when people have options, some of them will be dissatisfied with the roads they take. Some women, and some men, will bitterly regret missing out on marriage and parenthood; in a world of fewer choices, some would have bitterly regretted being pressured into early marriages.

In their much-publicized recent book The Case for Marriage, author Maggie Gallagher and sociologist Linda Waite cite a host of data showing that married people on the whole lead happier, healthier, better lives than those who remain single. But the cause-and-effect relationship in such matters inevitably remains murky. If people who weren’t able to find Mr. or Ms. Right decided to marry Mr. or Ms. Good-Enough, would they have been happier? Or would many of them have filled the ranks of divorced men and women who make up the other half of Gallagher and Waite’s misery index?

There are many reasons to celebrate the array of lifestyle choices we have now. But if there is one exception I would make to a generally approving, laissez-faire approach toward people’s decisions about marriage and coupling, it would occur when children enter the picture. According to the latest Census figures, one-third of all babies born in America are now born out of wedlock. It is true that in many cases, the unwed parents are a couple, and I personally know unmarried couples who have managed to create stable and happy homes for their children. Nevertheless, the statistical reality is that such cohabitations break up at distressingly high rates, and that never-married fathers are far less likely to be actively involved in their children’s lives than divorced fathers (whether due to less interest or less opportunity).

Unquestionably, many women who become single mothers by choice or by accident do a fine job of raising their children. But a number of studies, such as the work of Princeton sociologist Sarah McLanahan, find that children of single mothers generally fare worse than do children of married or divorced parents of similar socioeconomic status.

Apart from the issue of child out-comes, single motherhood as an institution has another disturbing aspect: It promotes a radical separation between men and children, paradoxically reviving and exacerbating the notion of child-rearing as a female sphere and driving men and women further apart. And that is one lifestyle choice that should give us pause.