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Absurd news bites, served fresh every day.

(Page 16 of 17)

Badges? We Don't Need No Stinking Badges! (2/15)
When a San Jacinto Count, Texas, deputy constable pulled over driver John Pickens, they didn't give him a citation for the expired plates on his car. They didn't even give him a warning. In fact, they just seized his cash—some $4,000—and jewelry. They said it was connected to drugs, even though they didn't find any drugs in Pickens' car. But it had to be tied to drugs, they said, because Pickens was coming from a "known source city," Houston, and had a criminal history. After a local television station started investigating the story, the local district attorney told the constable to return the money seized from Pickens, as well as cashed seized from another motorist

Is That an Orange in Your Pocket? (2/14)
Tennis player Dominik Hrbaty was fined $139 by New Zealand authorities for having two mandarin oranges in his pocket when he arrived in the country. He'd brought the fruit with him from Australia, not realizing it is illegal to bring them into the country.

Cry, The Beloved Country (2/11)
Police in Greater Manchester, Great Britain, have been banned from referring to local patrol divisions as townships. "The term township has been deemed unsuitable for use by the force. There are clear connotations with this term and [the] apartheid regime of South Africa and the discriminatory treatment of black Africans," said police chief inspector Jeff McMahon. The term has been removed from official letterheads and notepaper, and signs with the word township have been changed to read "partnership."

Sweet Home Alabama (2/10)
Mac Holcomb says America was better back in the 1940s. You remember? Back when homosexuality was "a despicable act" and "an abomination." Well, that's what the Marshall County, Alabama, sheriff said in a letter to citizens on his official Web site. Alabama sheriffs apparently possess sweeping powers, because Marshall also pledged to work to restore prayer in schools and to remove nudity and profanity from television. After complaints, Holcomb removed the letter from the county Web site, but placed it on his own personal site. He says he stands by the letter.
[Note: The original brickbat posted for February 10 involved an apocryphal story debunked by Snopes. Apologies to our readers.]

Traffic Enforcement (2/9)
"You don't cite people to punish them. You cite them to teach them something. In this case, the deputy knew what she did was wrong." That's what a Hillsborough County, Florida, sheriff's spokesman said when the St. Petersburg times asked why a deputy who ran a stop sign and slammed into another car, injuring the driver, didn't get a ticket. The paper found some law enforcement agencies in the area routinely refuse to hand out tickets to officers they catch breaking traffic laws. The agencies say they handle the matters internally, and offending officers face various sanctions, including losing safe-driver bonuses. But they don't have to pay fines, nor do they accumulate points on their driver's licenses and face higher insurance rates like normal motorists would. The Florida Highway Patrol will ticket its officers when they are caught violating traffic laws, unless they are responding to emergencies. And the FHP says it will investigate crashes involving officers from other departments. But when they make it known they will cite the officer if he or she is found to have violated the law, most departments don't ask for their help.

Too Cheeky (2/8)
Melbourne, Florida, has outlawed wearing thong bathing suits in public. If anyone over the age of 10 is caught wearing a thong, they face a $500 fine. The new ordinance also cuts the city's designated adult entertainment zone from 937 acres to about 40 acres.

Big Drip (2/7)
Texas State Sen. Craig Estes (R-Wichita Falls) says cold and allergy sufferers will just have to endure their ailments for the public good. Estes wants to ban common cold remedies that contain pseudoephedrine because they may be used to make illegal methamphetamine. His bill would still allow liquids and gel capsules that contain pseudoephedrine along with other ingredients. Meth can be made from ingredients other than pseudoephedrine, and law enforcement authorities say much of the meth consumed in the U.S. comes from Mexico.

Flagged Down (2/4)
Florida officials estimate there are 156,000 U.S. flags in the state's classrooms. But many of them aren't the right kind of flag. A new state law mandates requires classroom flags to be 3-feet by 2-feet. Education officials estimate that some 15,000 flags are the wrong size and will have to be replaced. The law says schools should first try to pay for the flags through fundraisers and donations, but if that doesn't work, they'll have to dig into their own pockets.

Frenched Up (2/3)
Two nurses at Montreal's Jewish General Hospital have lost their licenses because they failed a written French grammar test. The French test is required even though the hospital is an English-language institution. The hospital said the two were excellent nurses, and the province is currently facing a nursing shortage, so it wants to keep them. But the lack of a license means they must look for work outside Quebec.

Wholesale Madness(2/2)
The Georgia Department of Revenue seized 280 bottles of high-priced wines from one of Atlanta's most exclusive restaurants. Tax officials say the restaurant didn't purchase the wine from a wholesale dealer. The restaurant's owner, Richard Lewis, says there's a reason for that: The wine belongs to some of its regular customers. It simply holds it for them to drink when they eat there. No dice, say the revenuers, that's still illegal. Lewis says he didn't know the law forbids restaurants from storing wine for customers. And Revenue Commissioner Bart Graham, a customer of Lewis's, says he didn't know that, either. So the department, instead of auctioning off the wine as it is legally entitled to do, will allow customers to reclaim the wine. But the restaurant still faces fines or other sanctions for breaking the law, and state officials say they'll crack down on other restaurants caught storing wine for customers.

Well, It's a Plan (2/1)
During an emergency evacuation of Westminster High School, two students in wheelchairs were left in a second-floor stairwell as it filled with smoke. It turns out that wasn't a mistake. Local media report official emergency policy at the Carroll County, Maryland School, calls for teachers on the second floor to lead students to the stairwell and leave them there for fire crews to rescue.

Child's Play
(1/31)
The tsunami that struck Asia left thousands of children orphans. But international authorities seem determined to stand in the way of some who would adopt those children. UNICEF and other nongovernmental groups are warning Westerners against adopting the children, and Asian governments have said they will not allow children under 16 to leave their countries. Meanwhile, the French government has ordered a six-month suspension of adoptions from the region.

Weighty Matters (1/28)
The Israeli parliament is considering a bill that would require fashion models to obtain licenses before they can work. The bill would require aspiring models to be examined by a government doctor. Those deemed to have a healthy weight would obtain a license. Those who are too thin would be given nutritional advice and allowed two months to put on weight.

Kiss This (1/27)
Dubai is one of the most liberal Arab nations, but there's a limit to its freedom, as two tourists found out. An unidentified Italian man and an Egyptian woman were fined for hugging and kissing each other in the back of a taxi. The man was forced to pay $3,000, and the woman $500.

Television Detectives (1/26)
Paul Oldham doesn't own a television and doesn't want one. But he can't seem to convince the British government of that fact. He keeps getting demands from the government that he pay his television license fee, which funds the BBC. And when he writes back that he doesn't have one, they tell him to expect a visit to his home. The government also requires retailers to report everyone who buys a television. Some 3 million Britons have their homes searched for a television each year. The government sent 20 people to jail for not paying the fee in 2003.

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More Articles by Charles Oliver

  • Brickbats, Charles Oliver, December 18, 2011
  • Brickbats, Charles Oliver, November 20, 2011
  • Brickbats, Charles Oliver, October 17, 2011

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