Daily Brickbat

Absurd news bites, served fresh every day.

Charles Oliver | November 30, 1999

(Page 13 of 17)

SnoHoHo (4/21)
The yearbook is called the Snoho Mojo, and the official district Web site refers to "Snoho traditions." But Washington's Snohomish High School suspended senior Justin Patrick for wearing a T-shirt to school that read "Snohos." School officials say the word contains a slang term for prostitutes. Patrick says he and his friends have worn the shirts other times without complaint. But when he refused to cover up the shirt, he was suspended for violating the dress code, sexual harassment and "gross insubordination."

Not-So-Funhouse (4/20)
In the 72 years it has been open to the public, not a single person has been injured on the "cake walk" run by Charles Manning's Amusement Park. But British authorities say the moving walkway doesn't meet current safety standards, and they've ordered it shut down. "It gets harder and harder each year to please the inspectors and find rides which the youngsters will find interesting," said Manning.

No Nudes Is Good Nudes (4/19)
The sheriff's department and zoning officials in Bartholomew County, Indiana, have ordered the owner of a local business to move about 10 statues out of public view because they are obscene under Indiana law. The statues are copies of classic works, including the Venus de Milo and Michelangelo's David. Officials say they have received two complaints about the statues.

Tackle First (4/18)
Melvin Ainsworth's walks across the Carquinez Bridge in Vallejo, California, aren't usually exciting. But on one recent stroll, Ainsworth says he was just minding his business when he was tackled from behind. Not by a mugger, but by police officer Jeremie Patzer. It seems Patzer had been told a man in his 20s or 30s was either dangling a baby over the bridge or about to jump—a man wearing a San Francisco 49ers jacket. Ainsworth is 77 and wasn't dangling a baby, but he was wearing a 49ers jacket, which apparently is close enough to tackle. Patzer says he told Ainsworth to stop, but he didn't respond. The tackle left Ainsworth with a sprained wrist and six stitches above his eye.

Sunshine Go Away Today (4/15)
The Maryland legislature is considering a bill that would allow students to wear sunscreen when they go out on sunny days. Why would lawmakers need to even consider such legislation? Well, four counties, including Montgomery County, allow students to use sunscreen only if they bring a doctor's note. Eleven counties, including Howard County, require a parent's signature, and eight, also including Howard, insist students must store their sunscreen with the school's health officer. The legislature is also considering a bill that would require schools to permit students to keep their own asthma medicines.

Porking Violation (4/14)
Leroy Trought says that when he put a sign in his pub's parking lot designating it a "porking lot", he was just paying homage to the fact that the neighborhood was once home to numerous butcher shops. But a court in Bristol, England, says it was, in fact, an anti-social act and has ordered him to remove the sign and told him he can't display any other signs that may be threatening, insulting or abusive. Threatening? Insulting? Abusive? Apparently, that's what Muslims who worship at a nearby mosque felt the "porking lot" sign was. Following complaints from them and others, the city council and police force filed charges against Trought.

Official Corruption (4/13)
After officials were accused last year of stealing money, the Mauritanian government promised to reduce corruption. Its solution to the problem is now at work: Cabinet ministers voted themselves 600 percent raises. They reportedly now take home $3,333 a month. The average income in the country is just $40 a month.

Conversion Charges (4/12)
Hamid Pourmand is scheduled to go on trial in Iran for converting to Christianity from Islam and seeking to convert others to Christianity. He faces the death penalty if convicted. Pourmand, a member of the Assembly of God church and a former colonel in the Iranian army, has already been convicted by a military court of lying to his superiors about his conversion. Christians are not allowed to serve as officers in the army. Pourmand was sentenced to three years in jail at that trial. He also lost his pension, and his wife and children were evicted from their home.

Sneak and Peek (4/11)
Attorney Brandon Mayfield was jailed for two weeks after the government incorrectly matched his fingerprint to one found on detonators near the scene of a bombing in Madrid, Spain. It now turns out that the FBI performed a secret search of his house under provisions of the Patriot Act. In response to a letter from his attorneys, the Justice Department admitted to seizing three hard drives, taking several DNA samples, taking 335 photographs of his personal possessions and performing other "physical searches." Mayfield's attorneys are asking for more information, such as the exact nature of the photographs and how the DNA samples were analyzed.

A Fairness Doctrine for Education (4/8)
Conservative lawmakers in Florida are pushing for a state law mandating a "fair and balanced" curriculum in state colleges. The House Education and Innovation Committee has already passed a bill that would allow students to demand their beliefs be taught in classes. If they aren't, students could sue. Supporters say the bill will protect conservative students from being indoctrinated by liberal professors. Critics say that will mean biology classes would have to give time to creationism, and classes on the Holocaust would have to present the theories of Holocaust deniers. Sponsors of the bill don't seem to be doing a very good job of dispelling those claims. Rep. Dennis Baxley (R-Ocala) cited as an example of how conservatives are persecuted by left-wing faculty his first day in a college anthropology class, when the instructor allegedly told him: "Evolution is a fact. There's no missing link. I don't want to hear any talk about intelligent design and if you don't like that, there's the door."

Smoking Gun (4/7)
Rhode Island law prohibits anyone from smoking within 25 feet of a school, and district policy in Providence also forbids anyone from smoking on school grounds. So when sophomore Eliazar Velasquez snapped a photo of principal Elaine Almagno puffing away just outside a school building door and posted it on the Internet, the school, of course, suspended Velasquez. He was accused of disrupting the learning environment of the school. But after the media picked up on the story, district officials reversed the suspension.

Mocking Beards (4/6)
Hamza al-Muzaini, a linguistics instructor at King Saud University, has been sentenced to 200 lashes and four months in jail for "mocking long beards." The sentence came after an instructor of Islamic culture at the same school accused Muzaini of insulting him. Abdullah al-Barak, who is reportedly adheres to a strict form of Islam, said Muzaini questioned his knowledge in an article he published. Muzaini, who is appealing the ruling, was also barred from publishing more articles.

Family Matters (4/5)
When police in Kentucky stopped a car with a broken taillight, they ran a check on all of the occupants and found a warrant out for Larry Casteel. His crime? He hadn't attended a court-mandated parenting class for divorcing parents. Why not? Well, Casteel was in Iraq serving in the U.S. Army when the court mandated the class. That didn't make any difference. He was arrested on his first night back in the United States. He was released after spending the night in jail, and he has agreed to attend another class before he ships back out.

Musical Crimes (4/4)
Police in Germany and France are cracking down on those who dare to take classical music to the masses. According to The Wall Street Journal, police in those countries have been raiding concerts and arresting conductors who bring in musicians from Eastern Europe. Promoters and conductors say employing musicians from Western Europe would make concerts too expensive to take into small venues profitably. Not surprisingly, French and German musicians' unions say the conductors are guilty of unfair competition and exploiting Eastern European musicians. In any event, promoters have been charged with illegally importing labor and underpaying performers.

A Different Drum (4/1)
Authorities in Rajahmundry, India, have a novel way of dealing with those who don't pay their taxes, and their neighbors. The city sends groups of drummers to play outside the houses of those who haven't paid their taxes. They don't stop until the taxes are paid. In just the first week, the city got 18% of its back taxes paid.