Brickbats

Gary Selick just had to have himself a Grand Slam Breakfast at Denny's. Unfortunately the 405- pound man could not fit into any of the restaurant's regular chairs. The hostess even found an armchair, but that still wasn't big enough. Some of us might think this a sign that we should forego that Grand Slam Breakfast, and probably a few other meals as well. Not Mr. Selick, who has sued Denny's for failing to accommodate him under the Americans with Disabilities Act and for inflicting emotional distress. He wants $1.3 million.

In Topeka, 16- year- old Sam Roper has asked his high school to record his picketing against gay rights as part of his required community service.

In answer to that age- old question, it was apparently duck season, not rabbit season, in Colorado. A man in a duck suit working for incumbent Democrat Gov. Roy Romer attended appearances by his GOP challenger Bruce Benson. The move was designed to highlight the fact that Benson "ducked out" of scheduled debates with Romer. But the duckman claims that Benson's campaign director spat on him, poked him in the chest, shouted obscenities at him, and challenged him to a fistfight. The duck said, "I don't debate and I don't fight. I'm only a poor duck out to make a living."

At last year's meeting of the Infectious Diseases Society of America, researchers were stationed in the restrooms to watch the physicians after they did their business. The results: 44 percent of the male experts in the spread of disease, and 13 percent of the females, did not wash their hands.

All guns sold in Fulton County, Georgia, must carry a warning label saying that having a gun in the house increases the odds that the owner or a relative will be killed. What next? A label warning that owning a car increases the odds that the owner or a relative will die in an automobile accident? A label on fried chicken warning that it can lead to heart attacks? How about a warning on politicians that they will pass silly laws?

A quiz. Suppose you're a high school administrator and one of your foreign exchange students has a problem with body odor. What do you do? Have a little talk with him in your office? At Dossier City, Louisiana's Airline High School, administrators sent letters to each of the school's 16 exchange students stressing that "Americans find body odors highly offensive" and asking the students to bathe daily "so as not to offend your American hosts." The 15 students who didn't stink were understandably disturbed by the letter. The one who did should find a lawyer. Body odor may be covered by the Americans with Disabilities Act.

University of Idaho student Jason Wilkins thought it would be fun to moon a group of his friends standing outside a dorm. He tried to climb onto a three- foot- high heater in front of a window on the dorm's third floor. But he slipped and fell off the heater and through the window, breaking several bones and cutting himself up. You've guessed the punchline. He's now filed a claim for $940,000, charging the university with negligence for failing to properly supervise his behavior and for not warning him of the dangers of falling through a third- floor window.

In Iowa, Barry Lee McMahon will have to turn in his personalized license plates, says the state Supreme Court. The Department of Transportation demanded that he return the plates, which read 3MTA3. The DOT claims that when viewed through a mirror, the plates read EATME.

Who's that selling crack near the schoolyard? It may be the police. Orange County, California, authorities revealed that they have been manufacturing crack for police to sell in undercover operations, including one near an elementary school.

When David Peterson's 5-year-old daughter slammed her sister's fingers in a car door, he did what many American parents would do: He gave her eight swats on her bottom. Unfortunately, parents in Canada, where Peterson was visiting, apparently do things differently. Police charged him with assault.

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